Stepson hit me & DH is in Australia

You say that to DsS you’re invisible. You need hard boundaries and I’m sorry but you need to call the police as assault is crossing a big one. If you let this slide, he’s not going to get better, he’s going to continue this way. He has blown things up already.
He is 17 - old enough to know not to do this. Use this as a point of intervention to get him proper and decent help. You need to report this to the authorities and go from there.

This is one of those “change the locks” situations. He can stay with his sister until DH returns and then he can be told by someone he listens to and respects that his return to the house is conditional. That it is your home and that YOU have been allowing him to share it, and he hit you. If there is a modicum of disrespect again, police will be called, he will be gone.

I would be wary of not involving police. You could decline to press charges but he ought to know how serious it is, and I would be worried (like others) that it sends the message it’s ok for him to treat you like that. Especially as you have said he shows you no respect.

I wouldn’t want to, either, but kids need to understand the natural consequences of their actions. Imagine it was another woman he hit, or another 17 year old stranger that hit you.

I am sorry this happened to you op. How dreadful!

Are the children your DH adopted biologically his ex wife’s birth children or did they adopt together as a couple?
I only ask because you mention mum does drugs which isn't typical for adopters. (Although no judgement, I can’t imagine how hard raising traumatised DC must be and how I’d end up) but I ask because if an adoption has broken down can to local authority find him a place to live? Somewhere staffed as opposed to a foster family? So he can be supported into independent living long term? You can’t be a victim of child to parent abuse.

Life’s too short for you to put up with this. He’s not even your husbands biological son. Send him back to his mums and hopefully you’ve dodged a bullett. Can’t live like that!!

@midwifemayhem "For those still saying I should’ve called the police, I get it, I really do, and I’m not saying I’ll never go there if things escalate again, but I’m not ready to involve them yet. It feels like a last resort and I’m trying to hold onto what little relationship we have left for DH’s sake."

If you don't report it you send the message that it's fine to assault you, - it'll happen again, guaranteed.

Totally agree that the slap happened because the husband was away.

It sounds very grim OP but don’t delude yourself; a slap is not a loss of temper, or an accident or a sorry I don’t know what happened. It’s deliberate and done to keep you in line. This boy needs to be out of the house for your safety.

Personally, I would not call the police if this is the first time he has slapped you, because it will have massive ramifications for YOU and your marriage, not to try to protect the boy.

I would however make it clear that any further behaviour like this will result in a police report.

I am not saying that is definitively correct, just what I would do.

I would have instantaneously phoned my husband though, no hesitation at all.

You have seen what he is capable of so don’t be in a situation where you’re alone with him again- next time you may not be so lucky.

Keeping yourself safe is the priority so Police contact and a change of locks as soon as you’re able, keep the house locked and have someone with you if possible.

Forget the time- call your DH.

People, she's not going to call the police!
OP, what exactly is your dh going to DO to help you here? Wait for his ds to call him (yeah, like that's going to happen!) and give him a bollocking from 12,000 miles away? Whoopy do.
I think you need a little bit more than that.
So, here you are. Until it happens again.
(And I agree with the poster that it is exactly BECAUSE your dh is away that it happened. Do you think he would have hit you if his dad had been there?)

Keep the doors locked and if he comes back I'd be telling him to sod off. Call the police if he tries to force entry. You are not safe with him. I'd phone DH NOW incase it does escalate later. Disgraceful behaviour and he needs to be held accountable, with a firm hand.

Phone the police.
The purpose of calling the police tonight is to support you and deal with any immediate danger. He’s not going to get a criminal record; they’ll ask you if you want to press charges - you’ll probably say no and life will go on. Inform DH after you’ve called them.
Try to think of it this way - you’re also doing DS a favour - maybe this is the first time he’s hit someone? For his own sake and his future relationships, show him what the appropriate response to DV is. Zero tolerance.

So you don't want to call the police because he's going through mental health issues?
If this is being blamed on mental health, then he's just proved he's not mentally stable enough to be out in society, and is a danger to others.

If he's old enough to throw hands, he's old enough to face the consequences.

Call the police and report it before it goes from getting slapped round the face to getting punched in the face.

And to the various people saying no point in contacting police because not in immediate danger, that is wrong. The procedure for any assault is to call the police.

He's hit you. That's completely unacceptable, and it is an emergency situation. Stop worrying about waking your husband up and get him on the phone and involved in this immediately.
I would urge you to ask a family friend who you trust (do you have a sister? Brother? Anyone of your similar age etc) to come and stay with you if possible - and I would also install some cameras or record any interactions you have with this boy going forward until his father gets home (and even after that). It's not safe for you to be around his kid at this point. If the boy's birth mother is available I would suggest the boy go stay with her for the time being, or another relative.

I am sorry this is happening - it's not acceptable at all. Frankly I would involve the police - at the very least to document that the assault happened - it doesn't necessarily mean that you are pressing charges, but it does at the very least mean that you will be able to get victim support services. In my experience they do reach out very quickly in situations like that.
You may also want to reach out to the local domestic violence support services in your area: they will hopefully be able to help you with advice, suggestions on action to take (or potentially available for you to take) and also help with suggestions on how to deal with the understandable shock/pain/anxiety/trauma that you are dealing with.

Again: stop worrying about bothering your husband! The kid hit you - and that is never acceptable, ever.

It happened BECAUSE he was away. He cannot leave you with his son alone again, for the forseeable future.

It’s not acceptable. Lots of love to you.

Immediately phone your husband regardless of the time, of course. This is far more important than his sleep.

Another vote for police.

If you neither want to wake your husband or involve the police I would text dss and say he is not welcome back in your home at this time and any attempts to enter the home will result in you contacting the police. Hopefully will that act as a deterrent.
I also wonder thinking about the bigger picture what your dh has done to instil respect for you in dss?

I didnt say it was a 999 job and neither did I say or imply they would come out now. The reality is that the longer she waits the less memory she will have of it, the less she will think its important and the more likely he is to turn back up without a police report on file already of violence from him to her at that address.

I also have vast amounts of experience here, working with victims of DV is part of my job and working with violent children also unfortunately.

Do not let him back in. Call the police. He sounds utterly vile and ungrateful.

Another person here saying call your H now, 5.20am is not the middle of the night.

And log the call with the police, as you SS isn’t there right now they aren’t going to do anything with it straight away but if you have to call them due to escalating violence they have a record your SS has previously assaulted you.

‘Counting Dead women’ is sobering reading. Most women are killed by male partner or ex-partner, followed by son/step son and some are killed by grandsons. Never ever feel you’re not as much at risk because it’s a family member you are more at risk.