Stepson hit me & DH is in Australia

I don’t think his mum would take him back. She and her partner both do drugs and it’s just constant drama and chaos over there. That’s why he came here in the first place. He said he felt safer. But now I’m sat here not feeling safe in my own home and just wondering what the hell I’m meant to do next.
DH says he’ll try and talk some sense into him but he’s devastated this has happened while he’s away.

That is completely irrelevant. He will have to leave. He cannot be allowed to continue living with you. He has overstepped a huge boundaries and the risk of him doing it again is too high. Especially because you did not call the police. He will be used to people being angry and shouting. That's not a real consequence. Which will be a carte blanche to do it again!

No police? Fine (your choice). But he needs to leave. Your DH needs to find him an other place to live.

And I absolutely agree with PPs: You need to call social services!!

He assaulted you in your own home. I would call social services. He obviously needs some counselling from what he has been through at his mums and his adoption. This is the age that if they are going to off the rails then they will. Do you have your own children, is there anyone else in the house with you?

Do you have someone who can come and stay with you while DH is away just as back up?

I'd be tempted to offer to put him up in a b&b until his father gets back if you don't feel safe in your own home, or get some of those ring cameras and link DH in so he can see whats going on.

You need to change the locks and not let him back. He’s violent and nasty and this will only get worse

You need to log this with the police. He needs to realise there are consequences to his actions and he can’t just hit people when he doesn’t like what they are saying.
I wouldn’t be letting him back in the house, even when your husband is home.

Depends what the father says to him. If he tells him to stay at his sister's and he isn't allowed back in the house and his father will be meeting him when he gets back to work out what happens next surely that's what's needed now.

And the phone husband at 5am. I mean what is he going to do at 5 that he can't do at 7 when he wakes up. I know she's spoken to him now but again it very much her being told she's wrong.

Ah well if your DH is gonna have a talk with him from across the world (assuming you're UK based) I guess he's magically gonna change his ways.
Like fuck would I tolerate being slapped across the face in my own home (even by my own children).
DSS knows he did wrong. I get that he's had a rough time, raising your hands is not ok. He's been pushing boundaries for a long time and no surprise, getting away with it. Now he's going to get a talking to.... so realistically no real consequence.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. When this escalates (and it will) I hope you actually take the advice of previous posters and realise that you owe this "child" nothing.

He cannot stay with you anymore. Your safety is important.

Phone police, husband and change locks. This is a warning.

Pretty much everyone is saying call the police

‘Talking some sense into him’ is ridiculous. It won’t make the slightest bit of difference and all he’ll learn from this is that he can abuse you (and in the wider sense, women generally) physically to no consequence. Your husband is doing his son no favours and clearly doesn’t really have your back op.

I don’t know why so many of you are blaming OP for not calling the police. She has made her own decision. The consequences can be serious enough without that that the teen is left in no doubt that this cannot happen again. It’s honestly starting to look like victim blaming.

He needs a lot more than just “talking some sense” into him. This is the time for some serious consequences and tough love from his father’s part.

Personally, I’d add bags with his stuff by the door. If he’s grown enough to hit, he’s grown enough to live on his own.

Call the police now - a line has been crossed and there is no going back. Your SS is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. Your DH coming back in 2 weeks to have stern words isn’t really going to cut it.
Your SS has been disrespecting you and your home for months now and in your OP you said he ignores you every time you put a boundary in place - what is you DH doing about this? Why isn’t he the one putting boundaries in place? Why is the parenting along with cleaning up after SS being left to you?
Please do not compromise your safety for the sake of keeping the peace. Do not allow your SS back into your home again, I can only see the situation being repeated.
Do you have children OP? Whose house is it you all live in?

Me too. This young man sounds like an Andrew Tate disciple with his misogynistic comments and attitude. Now that he's struck you you'll never feel safe again. If you don't report the assault he'll feel emboldened that he can get away with it. Be careful he doesn't report you first and accuse you of some hate crime (because he's gay/bi).

Your husband's comment that he'll "try and talk some sense into him" isn't good enough. You should be adamant that he's not to step foot back into the house while DH is away. He can send his sister to get some clothes if necessary but he's not coming in. Ideally your DH should be getting a flight back and citing family emergency.

Then you have to decide what happens next. Personally I could not live with this boy. He's violent and completely disrespectful. Sounds like this has been brewing for a long time. He's not going to suddenly have a lightbulb moment and change.

You and your DH are both doormats.

It's no wonder he is stepping all over you. You are allowing behaviour no parent ever should.

No men round your house. No weed. Call the police immediately if he is violent. Show him how proper adults behave and expect to be treated, and the consequences of not doing that.

Boundaries aren't selfish, they don't just make your life easier. They make your children feel more secure. It's probably far too late at 17 for this boy, but worth a shot.

He sounds awful and he needs to learn that his actions have consequences. You're not helping him by being all soft and cuddly. If you don't show him consequences then other people will and the rest of his life won't look pretty.

Even before the slap. He is behaving like a shitbag in someone else's home and should be a consequence. The consequence is he is chucked out.

He's not two. he is seventeen.

I also imagine he is not stupid )and knows better but chooses not to care).

Do not let him back in - let him stay with sister. If he tries to break in call police.

Try reading the OP updates. From hours ago.

I know police are under staffed etc but I used to work in police admin and back then they'd have been happy for your local PCSO to come round and give him a talking to. Don't know if it would still happen.

My main advice is don't have him back while your husband is away and if he is ever to come back he needs to show he is willing and able to change his ways. You have to feel comfortable about it so don't agree unless it until you feel ready.

Hopefully he can stay with his sister till dad gets back and sorts something out.

Good luck and I hope you are ok.

Completely agree - the idea of hitting him back is absolutely insane! That will give him the green light to hit back again even harder, and could lead to a full on fight.

Escalating it by hitting him is potentially dangerous and I wouldn't recommend that.

What happens if his reaction is to hit back harder?

Agree re reporting even if just for the record.

But the bigger question is where you go now, given he will be back at some point. Do you think that you can ever feel safe around him again? And what would the conditions for that be? No visitors? Respecting your space? You need to be VERY clear on a new set of boundaries and if he puts a foot out of line he’s out. Good luck op x

Wake up DH. You have lost track of what is acceptable and are protecting the wrong person.
Obviously it is later now but Wake Him Up still stands. His son is in serious trouble and causing serious trouble. Being adopted is irrelevant here, btw.

@midwifemayhem

This kid is not yours. Change the locks and call the Police.

Fuck him - you owe him nothing. Slapping you crosses more lines than I can think of.

If he comes back, call the Police. Abusive fucker needs to be taught a lesson.