aibu to despair— life is hopeless

Can you contact a local women’s refuge? They may be able to help. Also local council homeless department might have some advice as you’re living in an unsafe environment..

don’t join the services just to escape domestic violence. He may not have harmed you but it’s still a DV environment you’re living in.

what area do you live in??

How's it going @SaraCreweIRL
I told someone about you today and they said Wow!

You sound amazing OP, and well done on all you have achieved.

I don't live in the UK, but I signed up with a temp agency (doing all manner of things) and met people in my various jobs who were applying for jobs in their actual field but needed to earn money in the meantime. Would something like that be an option? I actually enjoyed most of the temp work far more than my previous office jobs btw.

Whatever you do, I wish you all the luck in the world.

OP, I’m a GP and I also think what you’ve managed to achieve is amazing in very difficult circumstances. Please don’t despair, you’ve had a really rough start in life but it really can get better from here.

I think before you do anything else you really really need to move out from your mum’s so that you are in a safer environment. Try and set yourself up completely independently from your mum I think. You deserve support too even if you are technically an adult and so don’t come under child safeguarding processes like your siblings do. You should not have to live with a violent abusive man just because your mother is willing to and you happen to be her daughter and are over 18. I would advise calling the National Domestic Abuse Helpline and asking for advice for yourself about this situation. I would also recommend speaking to your local housing team and make sure you are claiming any benefits you may be entitled to in the short term while you look for work (your local job centre or citizens advice bureau should be able to advise). Explain to housing your mum’s previous addiction issues and that this man has a criminal history and has beaten up your mum and brother, smashed windows in the property and is out on bail, and that your siblings have been removed from the home by social services as a result, but that your mum will not make him move out or break up with him, which leaves you at risk and therefore you really need some help to move out so that you have somewhere safe to live while you look for work.

They may well be able to find you social housing separate from your mum while you work on finding employment, especially if you’re willing to relocate to another area (you say you are in a horrible area so it sounds like you might be).

It’s really sad that your mum can’t see how she is letting you (and herself!) down by prioritising this violent man’s wellbeing over yours, but unfortunately sometimes that sort of situation cannot be changed in the short term, and you need to look out for your own interests first and foremost in this situation.

I’m honestly slightly shocked that you’ve struggled to find work as a teacher, I thought the country is desperately short of them! It may just be a matter of keeping on applying, the first job is always the hardest to get then you build up experience and references, supply teaching may help with this and is often reasonably well-paid (I have a teacher friend who worked as supply only for some years part-time and earned the same amount she used to get working full time in a salaried teaching position). However I totally understand why in your situation you are really preferably looking for guaranteed hours and a stable income.

I agree it would be good to get someone in the know to review your CV and I would take the pp who offered here up on that for sure. I don’t know if it’s the done thing for teaching but as a GP we would often be expected to phone or visit and have an informal chat with a prospective employer ahead of a formal interview which definitely increases your chances of getting the job.

I wish you the best of luck, I think you’ll feel a lot better about things when you have moved out.

You sound amazing and strong, but it’s a shame you have had to be and I’m sure it feels a heavy weight.

can you get social housing?

what is your industry?

if you got a job in your industry how soon could you afford rent in the cheapest area near you (if you are able to visit your siblings - if not a cheap but nice area)

can you work in a youth hostel or hotel here with live in or hotel resort abroad or live in pub - there’s not loads around any more but there are some. Hotel abroad might be more likely - Egypt, Dubai. You have to keep your head about you if you do it - no drinking, etc. save save save and get your head down to your next goal.

edited to add just saw your update re teaching. What do you mean nitpicky feedback?

Nothing much helpful to say but just that you sound an absolute diamond OP. My heart goes out to you. You will be an amazing teacher when you are given that chance. Things are moving for the better- your siblings are out and safe so that’s one less headache. As others have said - teaching abroad. Honestly give this a go if the headteachers here are silly enough not to give you a chance. Best of luck in life- one day you’ll be inspiring others with what you have gone through and continued to achieve.

There are many opportunities for qualified teachers to work as governesses abroad. If I was 22 I’d be polishing my CV and packing my suitcases.

Apply abroad - you will get a job easily, although it’s not the best time of year for recruitment.

If you're a teacher could you get a job teaching English abroad? They often provide accommodation too and if you go somewhere like dubai the pay is excellent. Or be a live in nanny or au pair for a bit while you continue to apply?

There's also schemes where you can live with an old/disabled person (in the uk) for free in exchange for a few hours a week of socialising/housekeeping. Sounds like you've got to get out of your environment asap! You're doing amazingly. Life will get better!

Good idea.

Would you think of emigrating, OP? I’m wondering if teachers are in the needed professions list in Australia and New Zealand. I’d emigrate in a heartbeat at your age.

you are amazing, you have achieved amazing things , and you will continue to do yourself proud.

im on a fb about all things uni (huge group) and it is very very common to apply for many (hundreds in some cases) jobs. That first role is the difficult one to secure. After that, you’re sailing. Some will offer to work for free to get experience or prove worth (for a short period) or to do something similar to what you want to do and work up / across in large organisation.
its not unsual what you are going through . Give it time.

you have got too far to give up now.

what gets me through tough times are:-
“you’re living someone else’s dream” and

“if you’ve got food in your tummy and a roof over your head- you’re already winning”

HTH

Oh OP, 💔

You're doing brilliantly. You sound a wonderful, intelligent person and someone who is clearly stoical and tenacious, in spite of adversity.

I agree with others, please try to start small, look at lots of different options, and try to keep focusing on good times and your future happiness.

My birth parents were heroin addicts and I was extremely fortunate to be adopted by two amazing and wonderful parents, but it's horrible to think how hard and different my life might have been 😳😭 You an inspiration and brilliant. I will think of you when I go to bed tonight and send lots of love ❤️

I just want to tell you you’re amazing, and congratulate you on your academic achievements so far. You’ve done an even more amazing thing in helping to hold things together for your siblings for as long as you did.
There are many good suggestions here, and I hope you find a way forward into the successful life that’s waiting for you. You deserve a lovely future.

@SaraCreweIRL I agree with @AlastheDaffodils - there are many careers within the mitary, many of which involve some kind of teaching. And you may get in to officer training on a graduate scheme. Well worth a look.

International schools will pay for your relocation and first few months rent!

You sound like a bloody hard working legend.
If I were you I would head towards live in boarding school sector. Or abroad if you’d be comfortable with that. If you can-pay a bit for interview training, you could also join an fb group related to your subject/age group and ask if any other teacher would be willing to look over your cv. Pm me if you like! I’m 10 years in secondary!

Hey OP 👋….
I’m glad this has perked you up, & is a good idea..
May I say hats off to you for your achievements, what an incredible person you are ..x
Once you get out of living there anyway, is the main thing, & you will, & you’re being given great advice here ..
Things will work out alright , going to say a prayer for you when I go to bed tonight..
Hope you find your happiness very soon x x

OP afford to move out let some abroad..

people don't just have thousands spare for flights and accommodation!

Job hunting is demoralising. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will get there.

Honestly, if you are not proud of yourself, I am so proud of you. You have faced so much adversity and look at all you have achieved.

Just wanted to add you sound bloody amazing. Exhausted but amazing. So many good suggestions here of thinking out of the box. Lots and lots of live in jobs are available that might help you get on your feet.

depending on your thoughts on life I’d also recommend getting plugged into a good church. They can signpost a lot of helpful things as well as maybe providing a supportive community.

Above all, good luck 👍

I'm sure it feels like you’re completely stuck right now OP, but it’s definitely temporary, and you’ve shown a lot of resilience already to achieve everything you have. Lots of good suggestions from previous posters for possible jobs to get you going.

I don’t know about your medical issue and whether that would prevent you joining up, but all three of the military Services have training officers, and you’re more than qualified. At least in the RAF that’s one of the professions that has a higher proportion of women than average.- about 35-40% of personnel officers are female.

I was going to suggest this too, definitely worth looking into. Good luck OP, something will.turn up, you sound amazing.

What about being a live in nanny OP? For a bit I'm not saying that what you want to do forever but it sounds like you are good with children, probably very patient given everything you've been through. Might get you out the house and exposed to a family who are hopefully slightly less tricky than your own

Well done OP you are doing amazingly keep going it's going to work out for you you deserve it

There is always 2 ways of looking at a situation. I chose the positive one. She is free. She has no-one holding her back.
Time moves forwards not backwards.