Went down husband’s phone

If your spidy senses are tingling about something, i wouldn't show my hand just in case you need it in the future.
What are you hoping to achieve by challenging him? He doesn't sound like he'd be remorseful and likely to change the error of his ways? More likely you'll have given him the heads up to cover his tracks more.....
If he's intending to cheat, challenging him wont make him change his mind.
Hopefully he's just been a bit of a cock trying to impress his mates with all the 'big man' banter.....

Based on what he said he definitely would have made a move in the past and that makes me concerned that he has definitely made a move in the past.

As an aside, is "went down the phone" a common turn of phrase in your part of the world? I have never heard that before.

These were my exact thoughts. I would say he has cheated in the past or would consider it in the future. It’s gross to be honest - using the emoji in that way. Your gut was telling you something, that’s why you checked his phone. Deep down you don’t trust him so I’d try and find some concrete evidence and then confront him. You won’t rest after seeing those messages, no matter what you tell yourself - trust me.

Becoz bantz.

Men often speak through jokes and innuendo. It doesn't have to be a legit query, just a sort of everyday sexism small talk.

I mean, you’re more offended by people telling you it’s wrong to go through your husbands phone than you are the seedy messages he’s sending about a woman 10 years younger.
What you did was wrong. What he’s done is vile and wrong.
have you considered therapy? Solo and couples.

It is peak Mumsnet that nobody seems to have suggested the OP alert the young woman to the fact she is being spoken like about this. I think I would consider it in OPs situation. 'Other women' really are othered, even when they are completely blameless (perhaps even unaware!) in the situation.

Represents a penis!

The issue should'nt be she checked his phone, the issues should be what she found, i'd confront him,

Eew I feel like this cannot even be real...

Male defence force.
MDF.
Cheap, flimsy, and hopelessly out of date...

I have been trying to get this point across and nobody commented. He deserves to get the sack for that.

while we are derailing the thread to make Op the one in the wrong why don’t we look at his action of sending pictures of a very young colleague to his mate and commenting on her appearance with references to his penis. I said upthread that he would get the sack for doing that. I wonder what the young woman would make of her image being passed around and ogled like that?

The young woman is only 22. OP's DH is talking about doing something with her a few years ago before he was a manager. That would mean that he would have done something with a teenager. He's a walking red flag.

So s married man showing his friend pictures of a young colleague he'd like to fuck, if he wasn't her boss, is him" showing off"" and being a " knob" ?
Since when did having zero respect for your wife and your wedding vows become something to " show off " about?

Something I find quite odd about this thread is the focus of the 'D'H's disrespect towards his wife. Yes, that is a given and it is appalling. However, what about the disrespect towards the colleague? I can't imagine many of you would be thrilled if a colleague of yours sent a photo of you to a mate followed by lots of aubergine emojis. The disrespect shown to another woman would be enough for me to have had enough.

I know of a woman who who was raped by her boss on a work trip, and there are reasons to suspect he and another colleague of hers had at least discussed her in someway before or after the event.

Sexual harassment in the workplace isn't just banter, even if, maybe especially if, the colleague isn't aware she is being spoken about like this.

That doesn’t quite add up to me. If he hasn’t been the type to crack on since he has been with Op (around 12 years) why is his friend asking him if he is going to do that? You would only do that if you knew they had form for it. And why send a photo of the young girl? He must have been talking about women he fancies in the workplace. Someone explained that the aubergine emoji is a reference to his penis. Gross.

I’d be ending the relationship!

It's really gross and creepy to talk about women that way. Yeah you shouldn't have snooped but now you have I wouldn't be surprised if he gives you the ick.

It means that she checked his messages.

If he changes his password then he has something to hide. Why would you stay with him if he does that?

I can't understand married couples who don't have open access to each others phones. If out of charge or if one phone is left at home the other might be required in an emergency etc. DH & I know each others passwords & can use either phone anywhere & any time.

I think he's vile and obviously a problematic 'senior' at work.

And your husband sent the pic to his friend !
Reading that would be the end for me.. red flags

Some of the comments on here are a joke acting all outraged she went through his phone! She had his suspicions hence why she looked!
The amount of threads ive seen where husband or partner is suspected of cheating or is leaving and trying to fuck the op over and everyone says can you check his phone. But someone trying to pre empt that and find out what is going on is the wrong one!
This isn't some casual relationship they are MARRIED! Shes got her concerns so she looked.
Its not as simple as why didn't you Just talk to him come off it we all know people lie, minimise or completely refuse to talk.
Op I think you did nothing wrong in looking, his messages were absolutely vile, where you go from here is up to you x

Why? What are you scared she might find on your phone?