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Original poster

Went down husband’s phone

666 replies

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:38

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

  • My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
  • His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
  • Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: Are you going to try it on?
  • Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
  • My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LondonFox · 08/07/2025 21:38

Danielle8p · 08/07/2025 17:49

@PulpKitchen I would be livid, BUT I honestly think his just being an absolute knob showing off to his friend. Doesn't mean he would actually do it his just being a stupid bloke

Do you really think a woman would not need medical advice in like 80% cases if husband found out she wants to fuck a bloke from work?

Why do hell lot of you excuse it as male banter?
I have male friends and fucking none of them speaks like that. To me or my DH about "hot almost teen aged girls"

EarthSight · 08/07/2025 21:16

thepariscrimefiles · 08/07/2025 18:50

The young woman is only 22. OP's DH is talking about doing something with her a few years ago before he was a manager. That would mean that he would have done something with a teenager. He's a walking red flag.

I read it as he would have done something with her if he weren't in a senior position, rather than her being too old now, but it's still bad.

EarthSight · 08/07/2025 21:13

I understand the need to be level-headed, but this relationship would be finished for me. Men can excuse all sorts of sleazy, cheating behaviour under the guise of 'banter', but it doesn't mean it actually is.

Even if he wouldn't have done anything, she's 22 ffs, and he's talking about her in a gross way.

restingbitchface30 · 08/07/2025 20:45

He’s a creep who’s cheated before. It’s not normal ‘bloke banter’ my fella and his mates would never talk like this. If I were you I’d be packing his bags

Danielle8p · 08/07/2025 20:44

@ThymeandBasil its absolutely not something to show off about. I meant in his knob head brain that's probably what he thought he was doing. As I said I would be livid and for me it may even end my marriage! I was trying to just make a point that some men in their private chats are bloody idiots and not necessarily intending on cheating. Just my opinion

Safaribar · 08/07/2025 20:37

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:38

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

  • My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
  • His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
  • Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: Are you going to try it on?
  • Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
  • My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

You don't want to split? thats enough for me to know that my trust would be gone in my partner. So you have two choices, you either live with the fact that he would cheat, or you leave. Screenshot those images and send to yourself incase you need proof.

Lennon80 · 08/07/2025 20:36

If you don’t have children leave - he’s not going to be one to stay faithful when your elbow deep in young children and don’t want sex. Get rid.

ThisPerkyRobin · 08/07/2025 20:17

Hey he can't talk to his wife about his feeling , but he can message a friend about his feelings, thats a red flag to me, i would deffently confront him, why be a door mat

AfraidToRun · 08/07/2025 20:12

There's clearly so much more to this than some messages. If neither of you can communicate effectively about the bigger pucture, then what's the point in staying together, just bumbling along misunderstanding eachother?

SuperFi · 08/07/2025 20:11

Sadcafe · 07/07/2025 18:06

If you challenge him, he knows you’ve been looking on his phone, not encouraging snooping, been there done that suffered the consequences, but if you have some suspicion, letting him know simply leads to denial, arguing and changing password , personally, from experience, say nothing, keep an eye if that’s what you feel you need to do and talk to him if things continue

This 100%.

RachCmomma · 08/07/2025 20:04

Yep, that's what got me too. If he could get away with it work wise he would. Nothing to do with not doing it because of you. Thats really shit. Im sorry. Xx

youreabitofacxxr · 08/07/2025 19:56

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 07/07/2025 16:59

Have you even tried? Not even a 'you seem a little quieter than usual, is everything okay at work?' kind of thing?

The fact he doesn't like to open up much doesn't excuse you snooping through his phone and invading his privacy.

As for the message itself, the trip was in the past and this message seems like stupid bloke banter and if this is the only incriminating thing you could find while snooping then think yourself lucky.

Did your snooping get to the bottom of why he is being cold towards you now?

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Are you a man cause you sound like one!

MasterBeth · 08/07/2025 19:55

Purplerain1985 · 08/07/2025 19:40

It would bother me too,but also the fact that he said he would a few years ago! And she’s only 22 now! 😦

Again, I don't think this necessarily means he would have tried it in with this woman several years ago. It just means that a few years ago he'd be trying it on with any woman.

Alltheyellowbirds · 08/07/2025 19:55

croydon15 · 08/07/2025 19:13

OP you are bu, you should not have snooped, it was no doubt banter between 2 men and it's not worth jeopardising your relationship. Your DH is probably unhappy about you snooping in the first place you need to have a serious talk about your relationship.

Seriously?

Alltheyellowbirds · 08/07/2025 19:53

PopeJoan2 · 08/07/2025 18:52

I have been trying to get this point across and nobody commented. He deserves to get the sack for that.

Show quote history

I have said the same, a couple of times. It’s vile.

Purplerain1985 · 08/07/2025 19:40

It would bother me too,but also the fact that he said he would a few years ago! And she’s only 22 now! 😦

Pinkissmart · 08/07/2025 19:38

Oodlesof · 07/07/2025 16:51

You've done more wrong than him.

Did you think he will forgive you?

No, she really really hasn't

Auds92 · 08/07/2025 19:36

Stupid bloke banter am sorry but if I found this in my Husband phone I'd hit the dam roof the fact you're a married man and Evan thinking about it is enough to get me mad because what else has he done??? Am 22 years married happy my Husband tells me how beautiful I am everyday hugs me call me just to make am OK and let me now how he is as married couple should

Katievic82 · 08/07/2025 19:32

Well looks like she had every reason to snoop since he's a lying cheating bastard

Auds92 · 08/07/2025 19:30

Hi has he ever giving you reason to believe he'd cheat however from what you said I'd hit the roof by now because he thought about and had the chance would have really went for it it's you're life all we can do is advise however you could be silent about it and keep an eye on them but for me my head would be doing 100 all the time just please I do no once the trust is gone it stays gone that maybe have you will stay sending you big massive hugs sweetheart

MasterBeth · 08/07/2025 19:27

thepariscrimefiles · 08/07/2025 18:50

The young woman is only 22. OP's DH is talking about doing something with her a few years ago before he was a manager. That would mean that he would have done something with a teenager. He's a walking red flag.

Only if you read the husband's post as some literal catalogue of actual events rather than tedious male banter.

He's just saying "she's hawt". He's not saying he's a paedo.

Thuraya17 · 08/07/2025 19:26

I think everyone has completely overlooked the part where he said he would have tried it on a couple of years ago or if he wasn’t her senior at work 😳

he’s a married man who has been married for 12 years and she’s 22. Ick!!! ICK!! How disrespectful to his wife. She has every right to check his phone if that’s what he’s up to. With that said, I do agree that if you’re checking his phone and think you’re going to find something (which you clearly have) then the marriage might already be dead.

I would make him look for a new job to show willing or leave him.

PunkyRubyLemur · 08/07/2025 19:19

MN commentators are grosser than the gross husband, fuck off with your fake indignation, more pissed about her snooping than pervy hudband

NotOvertheWorstofit · 08/07/2025 19:14

3KidsPlusDdog · 07/07/2025 17:06

I feel so sorry for that 22 year old woman. What a violation - having her picture shared and spoken about like that by two dirty creeps.

And of course for you too, OP. The marriage would be over for me.

This exactly! It’s gross; she’s the same age as my niece and I’d be so furious if some scummy bloke that was meant to be mentoring her was sharing her picture and talking about trying it on 😷

croydon15 · 08/07/2025 19:13

OP you are bu, you should not have snooped, it was no doubt banter between 2 men and it's not worth jeopardising your relationship. Your DH is probably unhappy about you snooping in the first place you need to have a serious talk about your relationship.