Went down husband’s phone

The whole exchange is extremely off putting. It would give me the massive ick.

Ooooh he has started on ‘The Script’ early the

Totally agree! He’s most likely not a nice person.
it’s not your fault.
And kudos for looking at his phone and cementing what you already suspected

There are so many men that don't, maybe in your life they do. Many men wouldn't talk this way let alone put pen to paper and risk their wives reading it.

You obviously don't get it do you, we want this type of man to die out, for society to evolve, not devolve. None of the males in my family would have ever spoken like this, nor would they have been pub dwellers, abroad whores or mascline idiots, who felt the need to act like horny sheep with their friends.

There really are many guys who would think op's partner is a complete fool, honestly they look down on fools like him.

Just unintellegent, boring and a lack of imagination thinking that chatting shit about sexual innuendo and their prowess is entertaining conversation.

Dull boys who think they are interesting.
If he thinks it's cool, show his kids the texts, I'm sure they'd be proud, nah they'd think he was a pervert and would lose respect, even reading about thisI can tell what kind of guy he is. and also the one's that support his edgy banter.

'bloke banter' is just utter bullshit excuses.

Anyone saying it I don't believe for a second wouldn't care if they found this on their husbands phone.

It's disrespectful and utterly gross for two men to be discussing a 22 year old girl like that

I know you said you woukdnt leave but I would. Trust would utterly be gone

And people telling you you're wrong for looking through his phone ... Its usually the first advice given when a woman here says her husband seems off and distant.

It's horrible and I couldn't get over reading that

You did the right thing. It’s human nature to look where you can when you know something is wrong. In the past it would be letters, eavesdropping on phone conversations “accidentally” - it has gone on forever and the other party will always use outrage at “snooping” as a distraction. If you’re not a habitually jealous person he needs to reassure you and address your fears.

Yes, and he probably did.

This isn't a joke or innuendo.

Its not banter.

He is saying quite explicitly that he finds this woman fuckable and would do so given the opportunity if she wasnt his junior. He is talking about what he wants to do to this young woman.
How does that make it in any way, shape or form anything other than a betrayal of his wife and marriage vows.?
You are minimising this betrayal and excusing inexcusable behaviour.

This is tough, possibly just male banter possibly not. A 22 yr old is unlikely to want anything to do with him anyway he's just fantasising. Keep your eyes wide open though and make sure you have your own life!!

Do you know that for a fact they are covered or is it just an assumption? Do you know for a fact that this refers to domestic snooping between spouses as well as hacking (and stealing personal data for criminal use) or is that just an assumption?
Have you ever heard of a person being prosecuted for going through a spouse's phone?
Both phones and computers could be considered joint marital assets, in which case this act probably would not apply. It's not unlike saying it's a crime to go through your partner's closet and borrowing a tee shirt. By this kind of reasoning that would be considered theft.

Yep!

Are you nuts?

ofcourse I don’t agree with going through the phone but I’d be fuming reading this tbh!

Has anyone actually said men should be having this level of sexist banter? I don't think so.

Some of us are just saying that could be what it is. Bravado. Blokey pub chat.

That doesn't mean it's OK. But it may mean that the OP's husband has no intention of trying it on with this or any woman, and is indulging in a cheap, fantasy conversation.

I think men often talk to each other in jokes and innuendos.

I think the possitive that you state is the excuse if he gets the knockback from this young woman.

He's a scumbag, using his workplace as a means to find extra marital sex, ahunting ground.

He is also not caring about his wife.

And for those of you who think male banter is acceptable, how many males on here would like to see the same conversation between their wife and a friend.

"Yeah Ben's really hot, you know the guy I've been going on about" 👅

"Send us a pic of him, are you gonna let him shag you if he tries it on"
"I don't think so, I would have done a few year ago but not so much now, but he might not ask" 😳

If a woman had that conversation with her friend , her friend would know she would definitely go there.

This conversation between op's h and his mate shows he would definitely up for sex with this young woman, I have no doubt about that.

No husband would like to see their wives salivating over another man's body, gagging for sex, I don't believe anyone on here would think it was just female banter.

And that's the point here, the fact that people think men are entitled to have this banter and women are not. Pick your men wisely, because many are not worth having, a jumped up office boy thinking he's god's gift, when he's just a dirty creep.
And that goes to all these stupid guys on here who minimise their predatory behaviour and think all women should accept their disgusting standards and believe all women love to be rated, debated, and hunted down by ugly pigs.

There’s a difference with talking to a colleague and saying you think a co-worker is attractive.And then there’s this which is crossing the line with the context of the messages.No mention that he’s married and couldn’t do it,just that he’s her senior now!.It’s sleazy and I would be seriously questioning a lot of things.You either keep quiet and keep snooping until you find anything else or confront him which he will probably turn it around on you.I feel bad for you and hope you’re ok and do what’s best for you

So, he spoke to his friend about this girl. He then sent a picture of this girl to his friend. Then he insinuated .. something... with the emoji. It's just utterly gross. I actually think, in terms of office rules, that's actually worse than a consensual relationship between senior and junior.
Yes you shouldn't have snooped... but now you have, you've discovered what he's like. Even if its 'just male bravado', it totally crossed a line.

Spot on. You’ve got to read between the lines a bit haven’t you. Same with the opening ‘this is her’. They’ve been talking about her before this, in a way that’s been driven by OP’s partner because he’s the one who knows her. And as you say, he will be the one who has raised the possibility of shagging her, because otherwise the mate wouldn’t just wade in with the suggestion.

The only positive is that the conversation strongly suggests he hasn’t actually done anything, but that is made worse by his explicit admission that he would have done a few years ago, when he and OP were together.

She’s so sweet though - then the aubergine 🍆 (representing a dick btw) OP I’ve read this whole thing again and I’m fucking fuming on your behalf - I don’t think I could get over it.

You lay out there’s problems but instead of dealing with them you go through his private conversations and use that as a weapon against him. This relationship is doomed either way. I would never read my partners messages. If that was a man posting, you’d get torn to shreds and rightfully so. Your relationship is obviously not happy so either you act on that or you don’t. Those are your options. But if you confront him, your relationship will be over, and if you let it fester and don’t confront him, it’ll be over too.

It’s just typical workplace banter among men

God help women when people excuse this vile, misogynistic way of talking about them as " just" typical workplace banter.
So you think its normal and acceptable for married men - who took vows to their wives- to talk about what colleagues they want to fuck?
Just a bit of harmless fun to disrepect your wife and to objectify and lust after young women?

He has clearly spoken to his friend before, said something about this girl, hence the picture being sent to prove how hot she is... then the only reason he wouldn't do anything is because he's her boss...not "hahaha, maybe when I was young and not married".

I find this thread weird in comparison to the other thread going on about a married head teacher shagging one of their subordinate teachers (also married), and MN is saying "nobody else's business".

@londonfox I am not excusing it at all. And I have seen woman WhatsApp chats that aren't much differnet. Also not acceptable

He clearly said "No"—that he can’t overstep the line. It’s just typical workplace banter among men. If there’s an attractive woman at work, most guys would casually say something like, “she’s fit.”

It doesn’t mean he’s cheating or being unfaithful.