Went down husband’s phone

100% true here!

You don’t need to see anything funny about it though. Not a single person cares if YOU found it funny, It wasn’t meant for you, nor was it meant for his wife to read. I’m not defending it either, but if he and his mate found it funny, in whatever way they did then that’s alright because it was a private exchange between two people.

Not all men talk like that, some do though. Guess what, some women do too.

As for your last paragraph about people who talk like that “revealing themselves”, I think you’re way off there and are looking at it entirely from your own perspective. I’m sure you do and say things that others think make you look like a certain type of person. I do and I’ve only read a couple of your posts, one of them was jumping on me for calling out someone who automatically, after a single op accused their husband of cheating or being prepared to cheat. Just because he said something he and his mate found funny. Completely illogical.

I regret asking the question and dropping you in it, but I appreciate that you replied.

Well considering many of the males on here consider his texts a joke, I think stricter measures need to be in place in the workplace.

This male is married, did op say he was 30, so it's probably safe to say he still thinks he's in with a chance age wise. But it's predatory, I can imagine that girl could possibly feel uncomfortable with men like op's husband, leering, making comments and generally feeling intimidated by his years of experience and age.

These jokes and banter, are they applied to different degrees depending on how easily the younger women are to manipulate and convince that they have only been the subject of a joke if the shit hits the fan, this won't have been the first time he has engaged in rating women, it's his sport.

If all men do this then are men really safe to work with younger women, should there be measures in place to stop them from being harrased and their data/pictures being branded arround. Should men's phones be monitored at work just as they are in the homes by wives because I'm sure many younger women don't appreciate older married guys ogling and hitting on them.

But that's the problem isn't it, men think all women want this male gaze attention, not for a second do they think women think they are creeps.

This behaviour isn't funny, it's not entertaining for anyone else except the op's male ego, he means this, he spent time searching her photo, he has talked about her before, he has mentionitis, he has gaged the problems if he were to go there, it is on his mind, he has thought about this and still he hasn't got the sense to be aware his wife could have come across these texts. It makes him look like an appalling letch.

Let alone him being a vile husband he sounds a poor employee. I hope his job is not state funded, I'd hate my taxes going to pay for this pathetic hunter.
He needs to grow up quick.

Because it was the first one I saw.

Well i just read the post you made defending OP's H and your theory that it is a joke of " conspiracy and bonding ".

I cant believe you went to such lengths to defend the indefensible.

It just really doesn't explain how a married man with young children telling his pal he wants to fuck his young woman colleague is funny. Because it isnt. And his friend didn't appear to find it funny. He just assumed when OP 's H had had a few drinks he would be trying it on with this young woman.

Every single man without exception? Even your dad, your DH or your adult son? Every single man objectifies women and speaks/texts about them in a sleazy, derogatory way?

I have worked with a lot of men who would never do that.

If you care to read the thread, I already have.

Why are you picking on @TravelPanic ?

I certainly agree with her post, as do quite a few other posters on the thread.

Sorry but if you think a married man, with young children, telling his pal that he'd like to fuck his 22 year old junior colleague is a joke you will need to explain exactly what the joke is.

I can't see anything remotely funny about it. And his wife didn't. And I doubt whether the young woman can see what the joke is either.

People who say unfunny and appalling things and say " it's a joke" reveal their true self.

Women getting abused and murdered by ex partners that they’ve reported it repeatedly but yes, lets find time to prosecute someone for going through their partners phone for which she must have had the passcode so I don’t even think it’s illegal tbh. If your other half had your PIN code for a bank card and took money out of your account the bank wouldn’t give you it back so the police certainly wouldn’t be interested unless you could prove you were coerced. Same principle.

Do the same to him and leave your phone unlocked !

I don't think you understand jokes.

A thing can be a joke and appalling behaviour. It can be appalling behaviour because it's a joke. Pointing out that it's a joke to his mate isn't being an apologist.

Let's be realistic. If a woman posted that her male partner had, without permission, read her messages to ensure that she wasn't cheating, even once, I don't think his behaviour would receive much approval.

Can you point to the hypocritical posts please? I've not seen any that say older women lusting after younger men is ok.

I also don't recall anyone saying that it's OK to look through a male's phone but would be an invasion of privacy the other way around.

Are you assuming that each post represents the thoughts of everyone else and that there can't possibly be different people with different opinions posting?

Oh, for Pete's sake.

OP doesn't (as far as we know) routinely scour her partner's phone for excuses to be angry with him. His behaviour was making her feel insecure and, having failed to get useful feedback from him, she looked for clues to his changed attitude.

The first is controlling, abusive. The second isn't. Can you really not see the difference?

There’s also a sense that older men lusting after younger women is foul and depraved whereas older women lusting after younger men is OK.

You're making that word, "lusting", work hard here. It's fairly normal to find younger, fitter people sexually attractive to one degree or another. Both sexes do it.

You're very much less likely to find two women having an exchange like the one in the OP: "Yeah, I'd do him if I wasn't his manager!" If a married woman recounted saying this on MN, she'd be told she was out of line.

It's so ridiculous to be having to explain this, I've some doubt that these replies are made in good faith.

Agree with all of this. The apologists here are being pushed so far towards having to accept that this is appalling behaviour that we’re splitting hairs now. Seriously intending to cheat, or not seriously intending but happy to raise the possibility with his mate, send photo, say he would have done it if there were no professional issue, generally objectify her in a vile way, it makes little difference to me, I simply couldn’t get past it either way.

And the attempts to pass it off as a joke are hopeless, both from him and on here. Fgs of course I understand jokes aren’t all I say I say I say (🙄) but there’s no joke here.

I’m of two minds about situations like this.

On the one hand, there’s a massive dose of hypocrisy:

”It’s OK to go through your male partner’s phone to check he’s not cheating”

vs

”It would be a massive invasion of privacy if my male partner went through my phone”

There’s also a sense that older men lusting after younger women is foul and depraved whereas older women lusting after younger men is OK.

On the other hand, both of the above could be OK when you factor in the unequal power ratio/dynamic in which it’s usually men who cheat and abuse and therefore it’s more justified when it’s this way round?

No need to be so defensive.
I was merely agreeing with you and trying to point out what a pathetic bunch they are.

Sorry if it came across wrong...

Open her eyes to see the real him?

Where does anything I've said say they can't stop it, or shouldn't stop it, or that I feel sorry for them?

Yeah, shame they can't stop it, isn't it?

Aww, poor men, I do feel for them...

You forgot your popcorn! 😁

Bravado isn't bravery, it is the pretence of being brave. It is a swagger to his mate. Of course it's no badge of honour. How many times do I have to repeat that I think it is shitty thing to do?

I don't know if you've ever been cheated on in a marriage, but I'm betting that if you had been, you would feel more betrayed if you'd found out your husband was fucking someone else than if you found out he'd sent a jokey text to his mate saying he wanted to.

Neither are good! Both are bad! But one is worse than the other!