Went down husband’s phone

Indeed. However, someone asked if it was actually illegal, I replied that it was, and virtually no one wants to accept that simple fact.

Snooping without consent is illegal. Snooping when it's a mutual agreement to share phones is not illegal.

OP obviously didn't have consent but I doubt women who suspect their DH is having an affair would be charged with finding evidence on his phone.

OP may well have seen him entering his PIN and memorised it. Come on now, they live together, this isn’t hard to fathom.

None of what you have said changes the fact that snooping on someone’s phone is illegal, as confirmed by @eastegg above.

If he had a PIN the OP wouldn't have been able to get into it, so there's no basis to suggest he had secured his phone from her.

My ex started using a PIN. You can guess the reason why. I didn't find out by snooping, but if I had been able to snoop I might not have gotten HPV and be under the gun for cancer for the rest of my life. So hell yes I defend snooping if there actually is suspicious behaviour and your partner won't even talk to you about it. What else can you do?

I would defend a man snooping (given he wasn't an abuser) because I do not believe married people should ever have secret lives. When your partner starts keeping any part of his/her life a secret from you, that marks the effective end of your relationship.

Because I understand that jokes are made between like-minded people and that there is a long history of appalling misogynistic and disrespectful jokes between appalling misogynistic and disrespectful men.

They have typed this exchange with a grin on their faces. They are like sniggering schoolboys looking at schoolgirls knickers. They are treating the young woman like a seaside postcard. They are laughing at how naughty this conversation is. It's all a joke!

As I mentioned to another poster:

In DPP v McKeown, DPP v Jones ([1997] 2 Cr. App. R. 155, HL, at page 163), a computer was defined as “a device for storing, processing and retrieving information.”

Clearly this applies to a smartphone (or indeed any mobile phone), tablet etc. The legislation makes no mention of snooping within a marriage. However, if someone own a smartphone, and has enabled security protection such as a PIN or biometrics, I think it’s reasonable to assume that no one, including a spouse, is authorised to access the data it contains, unless they have been explicitly told otherwise. I suspect very few people would be rushing to defend a man snooping on his female partner’s device.

I am so sorry for these crazy responses. You absolutely have done nothing wrong, we are human, if we suspect something is off we want to know. I would have done the same checking his messages.
People acting like you’re checking someone randoms medical records!!
he’s your husband, and he was so out of order.
I don’t think that was just banter, that was too far. I wouldn’t be able to leave it personally but that’s just me. However I want you to know I am a very normal person and you did nothing wrong, mumsnet isn’t the best place to ask advice, there are a lot of strange people on here

Every single man without exception? Even your dad, your DH or your adult son? Every single man objectifies women and speaks/texts about them in a sleazy, derogatory way?

I have worked with a lot of men who would never do that.

Because I understand that jokes are made between like-minded people and that there is a long history of appalling misogynistic and disrespectful jokes between appalling misogynistic and disrespectful men.

They have typed this exchange with a grin on their faces. They are like sniggering schoolboys looking at schoolgirls knickers. They are treating the young woman like a seaside postcard. They are laughing at how naughty this conversation is. It's all a joke!

I believe men think we are the joke.

Women are to be reduced to a fuck, it's funny.

HA HA HA

There, does that please the men.
We obviously arn't intellegent enough to get it.

Oh my goodness the dreaded laughing emoji!

Well when the laughing emoji was available in the reaction.button I, and many other posters, had people reactiong to our serious and not funny posts, with the laughing emoji. Which is why the laughing emoji was removed.

So just having a laughing emoji in no way makes this disgusting discussion between thses 2 men a joke.

And I still fail to comprehend how any woman or decent man could actually even suggest this misogynistic and disrespectful conversation was a joke.

I believe men think we are the joke.

Women are to be reduced to a fuck, it's funny.

HA HA HA

There, does that please the men.
We obviously arn't intellegent enough to get it.

I'm failing to see how you talk with such certainty that this was a joke.

Unless you are Op 's H or his pal then how do you know it was supposed to be a joke?

It's a man sending a picture of a young woman colleague to his pal, obviously as a followup to an earlier discussion about this woman, and discussing how much he'd like to fuck her but that he won't try it on because hes worried about the repercussions at work.

It doesnt read like a joke. Its not funny - as jokes are supposed to be. So on what great authority do you say it's a joke? Because there is absolutely nothing to say it is a joke.

And, as already discussed, if by some amazing chance you were right that it was intended as a joke, it is just as much a betrayal and just as much total disrespct for his marriage vows, as it being said in all seriousness. So why are you and others so hung up on proving it was a joke?

I wasn't defending it. I didn't say it was funny. I said it was a joke. These are not the same thing

Is it a creepy and loathsome joke? Yes.

Is it an indefensible joke? Yes.

Is it a demeaning joke? Yes.

Is it a joke designed to be shared privately between two sexist idiots that looks pathetic and shameful when it's been found by one of the idiots wives? Yes.

So why am I saying it's a joke?

Well, a big clue is that there is literally a laughing emoji at the end of the messages.

You don’t need to see anything funny about it though. Not a single person cares if YOU found it funny, It wasn’t meant for you, nor was it meant for his wife to read. I’m not defending it either, but if he and his mate found it funny, in whatever way they did then that’s alright because it was a private exchange between two people.

Not all men talk like that, some do though. Guess what, some women do too.

As for your last paragraph about people who talk like that “revealing themselves”, I think you’re way off there and are looking at it entirely from your own perspective. I’m sure you do and say things that others think make you look like a certain type of person. I do and I’ve only read a couple of your posts, one of them was jumping on me for calling out someone who automatically, after a single op accused their husband of cheating or being prepared to cheat. Just because he said something he and his mate found funny. Completely illogical.

You don’t need to see anything funny about it though. Not a single person cares if YOU found it funny, It wasn’t meant for you, nor was it meant for his wife to read. I’m not defending it either, but if he and his mate found it funny, in whatever way they did then that’s alright because it was a private exchange between two people.

Not all men talk like that, some do though. Guess what, some women do too.

As for your last paragraph about people who talk like that “revealing themselves”, I think you’re way off there and are looking at it entirely from your own perspective. I’m sure you do and say things that others think make you look like a certain type of person. I do and I’ve only read a couple of your posts, one of them was jumping on me for calling out someone who automatically, after a single op accused their husband of cheating or being prepared to cheat. Just because he said something he and his mate found funny. Completely illogical.

I regret asking the question and dropping you in it, but I appreciate that you replied.

You don’t need to see anything funny about it though. Not a single person cares if YOU found it funny, It wasn’t meant for you, nor was it meant for his wife to read. I’m not defending it either, but if he and his mate found it funny, in whatever way they did then that’s alright because it was a private exchange between two people.

Not all men talk like that, some do though. Guess what, some women do too.

As for your last paragraph about people who talk like that “revealing themselves”, I think you’re way off there and are looking at it entirely from your own perspective. I’m sure you do and say things that others think make you look like a certain type of person. I do and I’ve only read a couple of your posts, one of them was jumping on me for calling out someone who automatically, after a single op accused their husband of cheating or being prepared to cheat. Just because he said something he and his mate found funny. Completely illogical.

Well i just read the post you made defending OP's H and your theory that it is a joke of " conspiracy and bonding ".

I cant believe you went to such lengths to defend the indefensible.

It just really doesn't explain how a married man with young children telling his pal he wants to fuck his young woman colleague is funny. Because it isnt. And his friend didn't appear to find it funny. He just assumed when OP 's H had had a few drinks he would be trying it on with this young woman.

100% true here!