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Original poster

Went down husband’s phone

666 replies

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:38

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

  • My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
  • His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
  • Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: Are you going to try it on?
  • Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
  • My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:51

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/07/2025 16:51

So he thinks the ONLY reason she’d be disinterested is because he is senior to her at work ? Or is that just my interpretation ?

No, I read it as the only reason he wouldn’t try it on with her is because of his work role!

OP posts:
NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/07/2025 16:51

@PulpKitchen exactly !

Oodlesof · 07/07/2025 16:51

You've done more wrong than him.

Did you think he will forgive you?

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/07/2025 16:51

So he thinks the ONLY reason she’d be disinterested is because he is senior to her at work ? Or is that just my interpretation ?

Original poster
PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:49

To add, what bothers me is the ‘few years ago’ part. He’s only been more senior than her for 3 years - we’ve been married for 12 years! His statement about not overstepping the line relates to his work responsibilities rather than his marital ones!

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/07/2025 16:49

I would be livid if my partner went “down” my phone without my knowledge. It’s a complete invasion of privacy.

TravelPanic · 07/07/2025 16:48

Cannot believe these responses so far!! He’s a creep and either has cheated or would happily cheat. Why on earth do you want to stay with him after seeing these?!

Original poster
PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:48

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 07/07/2025 16:46

Why not just try to get to the bottom of why he has been a bit colder lately rather than just assume the worst and go snooping through his phone?

Do you have a reason other than his coldness not to trust him?

Show quote history

He doesn’t talk about what’s bothering him. And it’s human nature to be curious.

OP posts:
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 07/07/2025 16:46

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:42

He’s been acting colder lately, so I snooped.

Show quote history

Why not just try to get to the bottom of why he has been a bit colder lately rather than just assume the worst and go snooping through his phone?

Do you have a reason other than his coldness not to trust him?

PashaMinaMio · 07/07/2025 16:46

Your antennae is up.
Some might say to keep it up.
Others might say keep checking his phone until you feel relaxed again?

Take a measured view and not say anything until you have concrete evidence of anything worthwhile challenging him about. How you reach that point is for you to decide.

For now think of it as bloke banter until you know otherwise.
I hope all turns out well OP.

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/07/2025 16:46

I think as soon as you start snooping it’s over really, there’s no trust (on either side once he finds out), you’ll torture yourself based on what you’ve found and then resentment creeps in.

Original poster
PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:42

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 07/07/2025 16:41

What the hell are you doing going through his phone in the first place?

Does he have form for cheating as you clearly don't trust him?

He’s been acting colder lately, so I snooped.

OP posts:
Original poster
PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:42

Hols2024 · 07/07/2025 16:41

A few years ago??? How long have you been together?

Over 12 years!

OP posts:
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 07/07/2025 16:41

What the hell are you doing going through his phone in the first place?

Does he have form for cheating as you clearly don't trust him?

Hols2024 · 07/07/2025 16:41

A few years ago??? How long have you been together?

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2025 16:40

Why did you feel the need to snoop in his phone?

Its grim male banter (boke) doesnt sound like he has done anything though

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