Went down husband’s phone

Why do so many people rush to defend the partner in these situations? Blows my mind.
OP he doesn’t respect you and I think those messages show if he hasn’t already cheated he would happily consider it. I wouldn’t trust him and I would be reconsidering my relationship. I know you’ve said you don’t want to separate so I’m not sure what you wanted from this thread really. Good luck in any case!

I have DDs of a similar age and I’d be fuming if this was going on at their workplace.

As for not discussing his feelings OP … he’s more than happy to do this with his mate isn’t he! He’s made his feelings very clear to him.

Whilst I agree that snooping is a huge invasion of privacy, now you've seen this it can't be undone. Those messages are utterly revolting and disrespectful. I couldn't move past that and would end things. There is no way this is acceptable male banter.

He sounds absolutely vile. I couldnt stay with someone after reading that

Well she was right to check wasn’t she!!

id bring it up with him.

I feel so sorry for that 22 year old woman. What a violation - having her picture shared and spoken about like that by two dirty creeps.

And of course for you too, OP. The marriage would be over for me.

i was thinking the same. This place is weird.

Yikes.

So his friend obviously thinks him trying it on with this girl os a possibility, otherwise he wouldn't have asked. Added to that, your DH doesn't give his marriage with you as a reason not to try it on with her, but instead the fact that he is more senior than her.

I'd be very surprised if he's not been unfaithful to you in the past.

Yes but this is typical of MN. Admit you've been through your partner's phone and that is all people will focus on. He might have confessed to murder but you'll be told you've crossed a line.

Have you even tried? Not even a 'you seem a little quieter than usual, is everything okay at work?' kind of thing?

The fact he doesn't like to open up much doesn't excuse you snooping through his phone and invading his privacy.

As for the message itself, the trip was in the past and this message seems like stupid bloke banter and if this is the only incriminating thing you could find while snooping then think yourself lucky.

Did your snooping get to the bottom of why he is being cold towards you now?

What is going on with this thread? Normally when someone posts about thinking her partner is cheating or is up to something everyone tells her to try and look through his phone for evidence. This OP has done exactly that and is getting berated for it

ugh he sounds horrible. How old is he?

So grim to be sending messages about colleagues like that.

Oh piss off. Seriously 😂

He's saying he'd have tried it on with a 22 year old "a few years ago" but not anymore because that'd be unprofessional? Wow how noble of him.

You know your relationship is already on thin ice if you're at the point of looking through his phone, I think you need to maybe bite the bullet and have a difficult conversation here. Not even about what's in your phone but about the current poor state of things in your marriage.

I don't blame you xx

Tell him that disturbs you then.

If this isn’t enough to make you leave him nothing will be.

He’s disrespectful towards your marriage and you as a person and he told his friend the only reason he wasn’t trying it on with this woman was because he could get in trouble at work. Nothing to do with the fact he’s bloody married

If his work place were to see these messages it would be a fireable offence. He’s a pig.

Yeah this. From his chat it sounds like he would have a bash if he wasn’t her senior. But could be male bravado. Also the way his friend is so matter of fact about him having a go at this woman makes me think it’s common place in their workplace

I agree it's not great and would make me uncomfortable but if this is in the past and you don't think anything has happened and have no reason to think he's cheated then I think you need to let this one go if this is the only thing you've found after a major snoop.

I wouldn't tell him you've snooped but I'd be honest you feel he's more distant and I'd talk to him about that and focus on that.

I found out my ex was cheating because he was colder to me and I snooped (the only time I've ever done it) so I'm not super against it if you have a reason directly related to their behaviour. I'm glad i looked because id been asking and he was giving excuses. Id never have known otherwise.

Equally, I know if my ex had looked through my phone he'd find nothing of surprise. If you're feeling the need to check all the time though then I would say the relationship is unhealthy because your foundation should be on trust.

Yes its human nature to be curious but not everyone would snoop through their partners phone to find out why.

If my DH was a little cold towards me I would assume it could be a number of things and I would talk to him about it and try to find out why. I certainly wouldn't just help myself to his phone and invade his privacy.

Do you suspect he is colder towards you because he is cheating?