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Original poster

Went down husband’s phone

666 replies

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:38

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

  • My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
  • His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
  • Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: Are you going to try it on?
  • Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
  • My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/07/2025 17:36

MumWifeOther · 07/07/2025 17:33

Imagine being a “man” gaslighting women on mumsnet on a Monday evening 🤣😂😂

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Imagine misusing the term “gaslighting” 😂

Sedgwick · 07/07/2025 17:36

@ZorbaTheHoarder I am pretty sure it represents the penis. I think there is a world of sexting with its own icky language.

StandFirm · 07/07/2025 17:36

Spanador · 07/07/2025 16:57

What is going on with this thread? Normally when someone posts about thinking her partner is cheating or is up to something everyone tells her to try and look through his phone for evidence. This OP has done exactly that and is getting berated for it

Loads of dickheads have found mumsnet and love to spew their bullshit on here nowadays. That's what the chans used to be for but their habitat seems to have dramatically expanded in the last few years.

dogcatkitten · 07/07/2025 17:35

He's wanting to sound macho to his male colleague, making an excuse why he wouldn't try it on rather than just say, I'm a happily married man.

Original poster
PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 17:35

MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/07/2025 17:34

No one is defending the partner’s actions. They’re defending his right to privacy.

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I don’t understand why the messages should be so private? I don’t have any worries of my husband finding messages about men to my friends if he were to go down my phone?

OP posts:
BeesAndCrumpets · 07/07/2025 17:34

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 17:25

OK, genuinely interested…So you think snooping is worse than cheating?

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It ABSOLUTELY is not, OP. What the hell. Also, if he's giving you reason for your spidey senses to be up - snoop away. The worried man, is the guilty man.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/07/2025 17:34

Gemmawemma9 · 07/07/2025 17:14

Why do so many people rush to defend the partner in these situations? Blows my mind.
OP he doesn’t respect you and I think those messages show if he hasn’t already cheated he would happily consider it. I wouldn’t trust him and I would be reconsidering my relationship. I know you’ve said you don’t want to separate so I’m not sure what you wanted from this thread really. Good luck in any case!

No one is defending the partner’s actions. They’re defending his right to privacy.

Mrsttcno1 · 07/07/2025 17:33

For me at the point you feel you have to snoop through a partners phone the relationship is dead anyway. Even if you don’t find anything the trust is gone and without that you have nothing.

MumWifeOther · 07/07/2025 17:33

ginasevern · 07/07/2025 17:30

Nice to see the male defence league wanking over Mumsnet this afternoon.

Imagine being a “man” gaslighting women on mumsnet on a Monday evening 🤣😂😂

ZorbaTheHoarder · 07/07/2025 17:32

Can anyone explain the aubergine emoji? I don't get it!

ginasevern · 07/07/2025 17:30

Nice to see the male defence league wanking over Mumsnet this afternoon.

MumWifeOther · 07/07/2025 17:30

And also ignore the people saying you are wrong for looking at his phone - women are very intuitive. Something took over you and led you to look, and thank God you did. This is all on him - don’t let anyone gaslight you to think otherwise.

MascaraGirl · 07/07/2025 17:29

Oodlesof · 07/07/2025 16:51

You've done more wrong than him.

Did you think he will forgive you?

I guess you're a man

MumWifeOther · 07/07/2025 17:29

So basically the only reason he wouldn’t try it is because of his job?

Yeah, I would be done with this.

Roomwithaview2019 · 07/07/2025 17:25

Foreverm0re · 07/07/2025 16:56

Oh piss off. Seriously 😂

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👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Original poster
PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 17:25

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 07/07/2025 17:24

This.

Don't get me wrong, I think the husband has, at the very least, behaved like a dickhead, and at the worst, is cheating.

But as far as I'm concerned, going through your partner's phone is unforgivable. If DP did it and I found out, the relationship would be over, so she'd better be damn sure I was cheating before she did.

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OK, genuinely interested…So you think snooping is worse than cheating?

OP posts:
VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 07/07/2025 17:24

AgnesX · 07/07/2025 17:18

Don't know about that but if he finds out he'll definitely be cold towards you.

Snooping on phones is like eavesdropping. You might not like what you hear and in this instance what you read.

What else has he done in the past, there must be a good reason?

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This.

Don't get me wrong, I think the husband has, at the very least, behaved like a dickhead, and at the worst, is cheating.

But as far as I'm concerned, going through your partner's phone is unforgivable. If DP did it and I found out, the relationship would be over, so she'd better be damn sure I was cheating before she did.

Roomwithaview2019 · 07/07/2025 17:23

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2025 16:40

Why did you feel the need to snoop in his phone?

Its grim male banter (boke) doesnt sound like he has done anything though

Its this kind of mentality that keeps men safe in their vile behaviour. Grim male banter but he hasnt done anything. Get help for yourself!!!

autumnmonths · 07/07/2025 17:23

It's the sending a photo of her in the first place for me. And with an aubergine emoji. So if he wasn't above her in the workplace he'd go for it, basically.

Sedgwick · 07/07/2025 17:22

Men’s banter is not an excuse, he is a married man.

ginasevern · 07/07/2025 17:22

@ErlingHaalandsManBun "As for the message itself, the trip was in the past and this message seems like stupid bloke banter and if this is the only incriminating thing you could find while snooping then think yourself lucky."

Stupid bloke banter? Oooh, that's OK then. So it's fine to share a picture of a colleague without her consent or knowledge and discuss fucking her? Are you very old or do you possibly work for the Met police? Otherwise, what's your excuse and where have you been for the last 30 years?

Away2000 · 07/07/2025 17:22

I would take it as your partner is open to cheating and his friend thinks he is too. Also really creepy to be sending photos of this woman to his friend and discussing her like that.

Modernme · 07/07/2025 17:21

Sounds like mens banter at its worst again.

Sedgwick · 07/07/2025 17:20

That’s awful, ‘this is her’ like they have been discussing her, the aubergine emoji! He does not sound like a faithful husband. The not talking to you about his feelings is bs, clearly he is well able to articulate his lust for a young woman with his colleague.

I think maybe check his phone regularly and see if anything else crops up. Definitely keep an eye out. Ultimately he doesn’t seem to respect you so maybe it’s best to end the marriage? In your position I would be angry.

AgnesX · 07/07/2025 17:18

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:52

Male defence league out in force 🤣

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Don't know about that but if he finds out he'll definitely be cold towards you.

Snooping on phones is like eavesdropping. You might not like what you hear and in this instance what you read.

What else has he done in the past, there must be a good reason?

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