Went down husband’s phone

If he hasn't cheated on you before it's only because he hasn't had the chance. His friend knows he would cheat on you too otherwise he wouldn't have said what he did. The only reason he isn't trying with thus woman is because he doesn't want to jeopardise his career, he doesn't care about his marriage.

This made me sick to my stomach. My beautiful dd is 22. I would hate to think that senior male colleagues were sending aubergine emojis and guffawing over her like a pair of grubby pervs. Poor young woman. I can’t believe that in 2025 women still have to put up with this kind of sexual objectification and disrespect in the workplace.

I have no advice for you op. You married this juvenile prick and have already made up your mind to stick with it. He’s an absolute loser who has no respect for you or other woman but hey it’s ’just banter’ right?

Andrew Tate, is that you?

You must be on another planet.

OP - whether it’s banter or confirmation that he’s a cheater, it’s not acceptable either way and I’d be devastated by the way he talks about other women behind your back. I’d have to say something and would insist on having his password too. You only gain trust by being trustworthy.

What is this sanctimonious bs going on here? I have been team “never ever ever snoop” before and all it got me was cheated on for longer than it needed to be. I should have snooped the second I thought something was off.

I’d be livid with how casual he is about it and yes, I’d be bringing it up.

There are loads of posts on here from women who suspect that their husband or partner is interested in another woman, particularly when they start to be really distant and secretive with their phones when they have previously been quite open with them.

The women ask them what's going on and their concerns are dismissed but the behaviour continues.

What are they supposed to do? Often, checking their partners' phones is the only way to get an answer and if Mumsnet is anything to go on, they always find the evidence of cheating on there. In the past before smart phones, more affluent women would hire private detectives to get the evidence they needed.

There's always a change in behaviour that arouses suspicions. It's a horrible position to be in.

We all know what gaslighting is so stop trying to gaslight about gaslighting. You imbecile.

OP - he's acting colder. He's attracted to a work colleague. Be viligant...it won't be long till he slips up

Saints preserve us.

So you'd be entirely comfortable with your partner of 12 years speaking that way about a 22 year old colleague?

If you challenge him, he knows you’ve been looking on his phone, not encouraging snooping, been there done that suffered the consequences, but if you have some suspicion, letting him know simply leads to denial, arguing and changing password , personally, from experience, say nothing, keep an eye if that’s what you feel you need to do and talk to him if things continue

This would give me the ick, he’s a creep. Men like this are so unattractive.

There are more reasons to leave a husband than just they cheated. How about they are a disgusting human and you lose all respect for them. Does he have any other remarkable traits that would make you want to keep him? Yuk. Aim higher.

I guess this is how people get married to serial killers and don't know. Bit extreme but that's where never snooping can lead. I've never snooped, but if something feels off, I absolutely would. If I suspected my husband of cheating and putting me at risk of STDs and all sorts, his privacy would not be my priority.

Neither had I but it was obvious what she was saying. And nobody who's just seen that on her husband's phone needs the Mumsnet "what does it meeeeeean".

Rude. I don’t think the term you are looking for obtuse. The poster asked a straightforward question.
I’ve never heard the expression either. I’m assuming it’s an American TikTok thing but could be Northern. I’m curious.

Do you have a family together?

What?????!!! The responses so far are bat shit.

He literally said the only reason he wouldn't try something he is because he is more senior, not because he has a wife.

Sit him down tell him what you've seen and that you are disgusted.

OP I’d be heartbroken by this and I wouldn’t be able to trust DH again. I’d 100% say I’d been through his phone and see what BS he comes up with. Either way, he doesn’t seem opposed to cheating. I’m sorry you found that.

Sorry I just never heard the phrase before, shoot me for asking!

Yes he's a twat and you should divorce him immediately.

Better?

I wouldn't trust him any longer and I would presume he had probably cheated at some point in the past . That's a horrible dialogue between him and his friend. Sorry OP 😞

I'm impressed

Stop being obtuse. Engage with the point of the thread or click on something else. Nobody is impressed.

Normal banter for Andrew Tate!

That conversation reads like his friend knows your husband cheats on you. Its the casual way he asks if hes going to try it on. Nobody asks that question if they dont already know the person they're asking fucks around.

You're definitely not worse than him! He gave you reason to suspect, and if he won't communicate then 🤷🏼‍♀️
He is vile and objectifies young women. Ew. At the least.
Be on the lookout!