Went down husband’s phone

No not a man. In 15 years I've never looked at my Hs phone. I couldn't give a fuck what he says to his guy friends. I know that I have most certainly commented on the attractiveness of other men to my girlfriends in thd last 15 years. I'm presuming the photo wasn't taken covertly and is in the public domain. If it was taken covertly that fucking creepy.

And what's wrong with your partner reading your mind?
What are you hiding in there?

Why?

I don’t, and I still wouldn’t tolerate it.

Depends on whether you have anything to hide doesn’t it ?

However, he hasn't cheated, and specifically stated that he wouldn't, whereas you have (and are) behaving dishonestly. So when you weigh up your actions against his actions, he ends up on the moral high ground.

I think that you both need to divorce, but I don't think that you can use this as a justification, whilst he can.

Screenshot the messages.

Divorce the idiot and tell him if he doesn't behave fairly and kindly you will be sending his banter to his HR department.

Yes, think carefully.

Sorry, you must be gutted. Have you a very close friend or family you can share with?

Wow...you set the bar really low when it comes to men don't you?

Oh that is bullshit and you know it.

I'm assuming you're a man. How would you feel if a senior colleague of your wife/girlfriend was sending pics of her and sexual comments to his sleazy mates before a conference or whatever?

Or if before going away with a male colleague, you discover your wife has been messaging her friends about how attractive he is? I'm sure you wouldn't mind at all...🙄

This!
He’s a crap human let alone husband. But sure it’s all just male banter apparently.
In regards to talking to him what’s it going to achieve? Will it change anything for either of you? Decide your boundaries

it's sackable offense letcherous sexist disgusting creep chat.

Don't hold back!!
But of course, you're right...

Sorry OP.

I wouldn't be bother by this at all. Alrhough, i wouldnt bother to check my H phone either. Obviously @PulpKitchen is bothered and realistically that's all that matters. She needs to tell him that she feels disrespected and that it's unacceptable.

Wow! I’d be fuming if I were you! He sent someone a pic of her for what reason? Clearly thinks she’s attractive… sent aubergine emojis so is thinking sexually and then only won’t overstep the mark due to being more senior than her… not because he’s married! He’s a prick and I’d have to say I snooped as he’s made you not trust him and it seems with reason!!

Doesn't matter. It reveals he has no redeeming character as a decent husband or colleague.

I would do more than go down his phone, I would set a honey trap.. I would get proof of it and then LTB. Women need to trust their instincts more! No more fannying about get it sorted. If I am wrong then I would still question why I would go to such lengths and them not make me feel more secure in my marriage.

Here we go with the handmaidens!

He's disgusting OP, I really don't know how you can stay with him after reading that?
Surely at the very least, go to Relate and thrash it out.

With my first DH,I suddenly got the urge to check his phone, no I idea why.

Two mins later I had discovered his affair. When confronted, he made out I had committed a worse offence than him. There are no words.

He's not saying it to her. He's saying it in a private conversation to a friend outside of his working environment.

I'm not saying that no woman should ever check their partner's phone. I'm saying that if you do so, you should be bloody sure you know what you're going to find, because by doing it there's a good chance you'll implode your relationship anyway.

I've never cheated. I never will. I expect my partner to trust me that I won't cheat on her, and that if for whatever reason she doesn't, then to talk to me about it. If she ever decides she can't trust me enough to do that, and that she needs to invade my privacy that badly, than as far as I'm concerned there's no saving the relationship anyway.

What's on my phone is mine. It'd be as much an invasion as if someone could read my mind.

Obviously some idiots are perfectly fine with an emotionally cold, disrespectful husband, because that's what "mens are like". Foul.

All of the posters who are saying "You've done worse than him because you looked through his phone" are the same knob-shines who would say "Just ask him" when OP says she suspects something is wrong. 🙄

If she asks him is he likely to tell the truth? No.
He also doesn't talk about his feelings as OP has said.

So what do you think she should do then? Just carry on wondering?
I mean, she wasn't wrong, he's a sleaze and potentially a cheat. With what he's written alone, even if he hadn't cheated, the way he's disrespected her, he isn't the man she thought he was anyway.

And as for it being 'just' male banter, then that shows how truly pathetic some men are and how low the bar is.

I cannot believe how many people are saying you are wrong, I think you were right to go through it. If this was my DH I would tell him I would like to look through his phone and I am confident he would let me, unless there was something going on. If that was the case, I would 100% snoop through it if he had started behaving differently. I would tell him once I had done it though and I would have no issue whatsoever with my DH looking through my phone as I have nothing to hide. Back to your question, I think you should tell him what you've seen and he needs to talk about it, the refusal to talk about his emotions wouldn't wash with me when he has been talking about sex with a younger female and the only reason he won't go there is because he has a senior role! I would be fuming, I am not sure I could forgive that level of disrespect and I don't think I could ever fully trust him again.

Does he have to?