Went down husband’s phone

Also, kinda sounds like he has already cheated and has form for it amongst his colleagues

Please get some self respect

It’s a bit pathetic if a grown man thinks that it’s ´not cool’ to say he wants to be faithful to his wife. And what is this man doing sending a photo of a 22 year old (or any aged) colleague to a friend anyway? It’s not acceptable behaviour from a husband…. I really am glad I’m single the more of these OPs I read on here 😅

Wtf 😂

I think you’re married to Jay from the in betweeners.

No, he shouldn't be married to anyone with his values.

Op has a better chance of being in a mutually respectful relationship.

She deserves better than him.

I completely agree , as I said its pathetic. But the OP asking about snooping V cheating . Doesn't sound like her DH has cheating , he's just a twat.

I’d be annoyed that he made out only reason he wouldn’t try it on is cause of work responsibilities & not cause he’s married ! , that said though, when men are talking to each other , especially work colleagues, ( banter ) they talk shit ..
He’s not likely to reply with ‘ oh , I’d never try it on , I love my wife ‘ , so has to send a teenage reply to look cool 🙄

If he ain't strong enough with other males to state his care for his partner then he ain't no male.

He's a sheep who would be easily led by any idiot.

Why would any woman in her right mind find that attractive in the opposite sex.

Ah Poor little man child who needs women to understand that he's a creep and unable to stand up to bullying laddish friends who find the banter of cheating attractive.

It's just childish and has no place in a grown up world.
Men are not children, stop treating them as such.

That like giving in to bullies.

so what if he's cold t9 her? At best he's leaving over a young woman. At worst he'd fuck her if he wasn't senior to her.

#previouslymarriedtoanemotionalintelligencelackingman. Happily divorced from the twat.

Not if you don’t find anything grim though (as you shouldn’t if he’s a decent man who is genuinely into you.

People say lots of things, but it's what they do that speaks the truth.

But I do agree that these are 2 people who shouldn't be married any more.

No cheating is definitely worse, but you are definitely snooping and he doesn't sound like he is cheating .
No excuse , but it sounds like pathetic male banter . He probably felt it wasn't " cool " to say I would never cheat on my wife and made the work comment .
Try to talk to him about why he us quieter. If you don't trust him and you can't communicate with each your relationship sounds doomed .

Jesus some of the comments in here! I am sorry you’ve had this OP. I would not continue a marriage with a man after finding these messages. He is revolting. ‘Banter’ isn’t an excuse to be a pig and disrespect your wife.

He only said he wouldn't cheat because he is that woman's manager and he could get into trouble at work, not because he is committed to his marriage to OP.

Your values are fucked up.

I posted something similar a few months ago and had horrendous replies saying I was a bad person for going through my husbands phone.
I can see you’ve had similar replies about being ‘worse’ than him- which is just absurd.
I wanted to send you some solidarity. It’s not nice seeing those things written down, it’s like finding out about another version of someone you love that you thought you knew.
I don’t know what the answer is I’m sorry, i spent a lonely few months trying to figure out what I wanted from our relationship/ life before I forgave him in January this year.
I hope you are ok x

Right? These men out here acting like that and people asking why she went through the creeps phone. Never seen such low standards as I have on mumsnet

I don't think you can do anything useful with the messages, and to bring them up would make him more likely to hide stuff from you. Better to be on full alert from now on and have an exit strategy up your sleeve.

So the reason he’s not trying it on is because he’s more senior at work?! Not because he’s happily married and loves you?
That would be enough for me to end my marriage and I have young DC too

Don’t want to do anything drastic? Tf going on over here?

Loser POS would be dropped immediately

As someone who has small children and recently caught my husband cheating by going through his phone (after months of coldness, distance, and me being unable to do anything right in his eyes - I was just desperate for answers because he wouldn’t talk) - I’d say invest in the relationship now. Save it while you still can.

im divorcing my husband because I can’t go back from what he’s done - but if we’d had marriage counselling before the affair started, we could well have saved our relationship and learned some big lessons before it was too late.

Was marriage counselling top of the priority list when our youngest was 9 months old? No. So it’s not really a valid “what if”. But if you guys can build something better for the kids based off this (gross) message exchange, before he crosses any worse lines, that can only be a good thing.

unless the whole thing has given you irreparable ick - in which case I’m right here with you, and mumsnet is full of incredible advice about getting your ducks in a row!

👏

He might not be cheating yet…

but he’s obviously talking to his friend about how much he fancies her and I’m guessing it’s been pretty explicit.

if he isn’t cheating, then he’s definitely thinking about it

it might just be banter and bravado but he’s hanging around with a guy who thinks it’s ok to talk about having sex with a colleague when you’re married. It makes this behaviour normalised

You're in a no win situation

He can't or won't express his feelings and then has a mini breakdown ....what a Prince 🙄

He fancies women at work and will bang them as long as they're not junior to him.....what a Prince 🙄

He is happy to express his negative feelings about YOU to friends....so he CAN talk about his feelings therefore he's a liar ....what a Prince 🙄

And you're worried about what to say to him because you have children together?

Think about this ^ 😬

Urgh, gross. I'd be off. I wouldn't tolerate this.

Your husband is a boyish knobhead.

Even his idea of conversation is boring and futile.

Make steps to find a real man, they exist, there are too many of these wanker types with rediculously crap ideas of what being manly is.

Another clue would be the mortally offended males on here who wouldn't allow their partners anwhere near their holy phones, complete idiots that will never have lasting marriages.

The Divorce Starters.