Went down husband’s phone

What do you people have on your phones that you think you partner should not see it under any circumstances?! My phone content is enough to send anyone to sleep. I dont care who sees it!

MNs are crazy.
Obviously talking how other people are hot is MUCH worse than going through your partners phone.

I am married and it never occured to me my DH should be banned from my phone, bank details etc.
Why do people even get married??

We regularly use each others phones and I am sure he does have a litlle sneak peak into my messages, so do I. We are all humans.

Absolutely this! Some of these responses are unbelievable.

I would be completely fine about DP seeing any message or search history etc, and vice versa. Tbh, I don't see it as a big deal. Not even a small deal.

Our phones are left lying around and he would know my password as I've occasionally had to ring and ask him to check messages. I don't know if he's kept my password or not. I can't remember his password but I've also had to use it in the past. Am I a wee bit weird?
(now my eBay history would be a different matter entirely 😂)

@PulpKitchen I agree with those saying trust your instincts. Sending pics of other women with aubergine emojis to mates shows clear intention and it being so casually received demonstrates a complete lack of respect for you by the both of them. It also gives the impression that this sort of 'harmless bants' is commonplace between DH and his friend. Wondering what else might be suggested by some here as a perfectly reasonable explanation, peer pressure? His mate called him soft after he said he loves you so much that he'd never look at another woman, and this is him upping the ante with the boys cos he's a Bloody Bloke? Some dickhead tried that one with me once, guess what he was up to all sorts............

No, snooping is NOT worse than cheating, I don't know why anybody would suggest otherwise.

And why is everybody talking about 'maybe she's northern'??? Jesus..........

Can you imagine a world where you’re talking about a guy from work in that creepy way and your mate says ‘Will you try it on?’ Speaks volumes about what he’s like and what he says around his friends, sorry Op. he sounds horrible.

I haven't rtft because I got bored reading the sanctimonious replies chastising you for going through his phone, so this may have been said. What struck me was the reason he wouldn't try it on with her was the consequences to his career, not to his marriage.

That conversation is really gross and it definitely sounds like cheating on you is no big deal to him, and he’s very likely done it before. I don’t think that’s normal banter, I think it’s revolting.

Nope. Not how my husband talks to his friends and not how my male friends talk to me or each other, either.

Reading this made me feel sick OP so I can’t even imagine how you feel, I hope you are ok. For the “you shouldn’t be snooping” brigade, there shouldn’t have been anything this gross for her to find 🤷‍♀️

Would you seriously shame your husband or wife by reporting them to the police.

Lying means so much to some people.

Liars in marriage need to be eradicated.

I am amazed at the amount of people more concerned about the op "snooping" through his phone than the down right disrespectful 'banter' the partner has with his mare. Aubergine emoji to represent male genitals and the fact that he's chatting sexually about a female colleague he's having a work trip with. Alarm bells!! I feel sorry for the op and this poor female colleague. Both being disrespected by this creep.

Agree. I was married for 12 years. My husband started treating me awfully. Being cold, snapping, saying horrible things. Wore me down. I tried to get him to go to counselling, tried to get him to talk. I asked if he wanted to split up, he said no, told me I would split up the family if I did, said I was stupid and couldn't look after a house on my own. All kinds. I felt trapped like I was going mad. Eventually I looked on his phone. He had been having an affair with a woman from work for a year. Gave me what I needed it wasn't my fault! But yes. It's all on me for invading his privacy. I tend to think he gave up any semblance of privacy when he snagged someone else. Been with my fiance for 5 years. Never looked on his phone once and never felt even close to it.

Exactly. He always forgets stuff so if I read it myself I actually know what's going on.
If he wanted an affair I just presume he'd use a different phone🤣 (thank Dr foster for that one).

OP you don't have a good guy there. I think he's either cheated or he would. You only get one short life, do you really want to waste yours being with someone like that?

Disgusting!

Whenever I’ve snooped, I’ve found bad things. Xh once left his emails logged on my laptop. I had a snoop and found he had been downloading dating apps while we were married and while I was pregnant. I tried my best to get past it but once I had seen that my feelings for him disappeared and it was game over. I would rather be seen as sneaky than a fool.

I would 100% confront him about this. I’ve had numerous times where you get that awful feeling in your gut when you find stuff like this out. I would much rather be single than have to put up with a sleazy toerag again.

People need to get with the idea that this is literally a CRIMINAL offence.

Your DH and his mate obviously feel comfortable about discussing cheating on you and finding it absolutely fine. That would be relationship ending for me. This is not male banter but a man creeping on his younger colleague, sending pictures without her permission and discussing fucking her as casually as getting a burger after work. This is the problem and the major red flag here. I would assume he had form for cheating on you based on the way that conversation unfolded. Conversations like this don't come out of nowhere. You don't have faithful married men all of a sudden 12 years into marriage suddenly sending pics of women they find fuckable out of nowhere and their mate responding the way he did. He has done it before. OP, I think you already know this.

The more posts I am reading the more I am changing my tune ..
I firstly said , I’d be annoyed , but it’s male banter, especially between work colleagues, but it’s true , the fact that he sent on photo of her to his colleague, & colleague asking was he going to try it on ! Why would colleague ask that if he thought his married work friend would never dream of doing something like that …
It’s not ok , & it does look like if opportunity arose , this guy has form for cheating …
We all look at other people, but to go as far as sending pics , it crosses a line , that’s a lot of interest…
With drinks in this guy & around attractive women, I certainly wouldn’t like to be his wife …

Staying quiet because he'll be cold towards her for looking at his phone...whereas he's perving on a young woman.

Ridiculous statement.

I think your comment about women who check phones is probably very accurate, but it does apply equally to men who check phones, it’s because something just doesn’t feel right and their partners behaviour has changed somehow.

When I read posts like this it makes me appreciate my DHs phone & my phone are 100% open to each other at all times. Its nothing to do with lack of trust.We use each others phones as a back up if one accidentally runs out of charge etc. We would never describe reading each others messages or emails as snooping.

All kinds of shit! Fears, fantasies, stupid questions.

But ignoring the mind reading and sticking with what's on my phone for a minute:

Conversations with my best friend who's going through a horrendous divorce.
My daughter coming out to me, but she's not ready to tell her Mum yet
Google searches around a health condition that I don't want to worry DP about until I've spoken to the doctor
A photo of a spot on my scrotum that I couldn't get a good look at (just deleted that one)
All my passwords
Authenticator passwords to work stuff that if accessed would include patient data
My searches for a specific care bear on eBay that if I can pull off, would make DP the happiest person on earth on her birthday
3 erotic short stories I wrote about 5 years ago
Some of my favourite photos of DP that she'd probably want me to delete (Nothing filthy, she just hates "in the moment" photos of herself)
The fact that I have 3 songs by Aqua on one of my Spotify playlists.

Would you like me to go on?

Yes, that was what I was trying to say, TY.

You need to tell him. The only way that you could possibly move on from this is total honesty on your part and hopefully massive remorse on his. It could easily be banter but in all honesty the disrespect is unsurvivable to me without head on dealing.

looking at someone’s phone is often the only way people find stuff like this out. Yes it’s grim but so is being kept in the dark. Spying by the definition used here means that following your husband and finding him with another woman is so appalling that he should be forgiven for being with that other woman. And that’s madness.