Went down husband’s phone

.... Isn't going to cheat because he values his job, not his wife.

Not classy.

Yup, sadly OP the "it was just bantz" defence was sooooooo predictable. 🙄

This is a work colleague! A junior work colleague! Your DH thinks it's acceptable to send her picture to his mate and discuss having sex with her. It's not some random celebrity they're 'bantering' over but a young woman who has no idea she's being thought about in this way. Checking his phone is not great behaviour and you haven't found real evidence of cheating, but his disgusting attitude towards women would be a relationship ender for me. I wonder how his employer would react.

She has got to the bottom of why he's been colder lately and was absolutely right to assume the worst. Her husband is perving over a 22 year old junior woman at work, and only the knowledge he's now too old to stand a chance stopped him trying it on. This is information the OP really needed to know, and now she does, so job well done. Much more efficient that asking him and listening to a bunch of lies.

He’s literally told his mate he isn’t going to cheat.

But not because he is married - it is because he is her "senior" at work, so is concerned for his job not his marriage

I’ve just reread the text conversation. I had missed the line “she’s 22 years old” accompanied by a dick emoji as if her being young is a turn-on in itself. Gross gross gross.

You are talking like a seedy predatory male who believes it's ok to rate women.

Your morals are shot, this kind of thinking sets back the human race, your lack of respect for women is shining through.

Would you like your daughter's picture being passed around, without her knowledge by older men, marking her sexuality, posting aubergine cock emojis next to her sweet name and deciding whether they're going to fuck her or not.

I don't know maybe you would.

It’s the fact his friend asked the way he did.

I wouldn’t go through my partner’s phone but if I ever came across a conversation like that I wouldn’t stay with him.

I have never joked with any of my friends about shagging other men. It’s not “banter”. It’s disrespectful to both you and her and is really creepy behaviour. Also seems like he would happily cheat and possibly has in the past.

You don’t think it’s concerning that he’s sending pics of his hot colleagues in the first place - who does that? I don’t care if he said he wouldn’t cheat (especially as the only reason he gave for not doing so was that he might lose his job.)

OMG, it's obvious who the men of MN are!

He’s literally told his mate he isn’t going to cheat. What’s concerning is that he said he might have in the past.

But she found something that shows he’s a prick, so she was right to snoop. 100% he cheated in the past, trust me.

Liars will always try to take the moral highground usually through darvo tactics.

Everyone sees through them and they look quite rediculous when reiterating their beliefs.

Pathetic really.

Once society takes hold and rids itself of the excuses around phones, privacy and marriage we should have more time for the victims of marriage.

It will change.

The way his friend communicates with him suggests he’s a wrong’un! You going to try it on mate? Like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Why is it the most normal thing in the world?

People on this thread need to wake up! Men like THIS cheat! I’ve worked with plenty of them. The wive’s had no idea.

Nonsense, it's good to see so many people not supporting your snooping, there have been many posts where a man has seen something on his wife's phone and she's been told to LTB for invading her privacy!

Technically, he hasn’t done anything wrong here. While it might feel uncomfortable or gross, being married doesn’t mean he’s suddenly not allowed to notice or be attracted to other people. I know both men and women who talk graphically about people they fancy. It’s a case of looking but not touching (or being inappropriate towards those involved).

What would concern me more is that he admitted he would have gone for it in the past, that suggests blurred boundaries.

That being said, the biggest red flag here isn’t him, it’s the fact that you felt the need to sneak onto his phone and invade his privacy. You say it’s because he’s not open with you, but that alone is a sign that something fundamental is off in the relationship. If you don’t trust him, that’s already telling you everything you need to know.

You don’t need to justify your actions or keep listing what he did or didn’t do. If you can’t have a direct, honest conversation with him and trust that he’ll give you a straight answer, then what’s the point? A relationship without basic trust and communication isn’t one worth staying in.

Great for you but I would be devastated if a partner read my phone and it has NOTHING to do with lack of trust. Very difficult for other people to understand, clearly, but it's a level of invasiveness that would really affect me.
"if you've got nothing to hide" just doesn't apply for some people because it's not always about that 🤷‍♀️

Only for those who keep their phones a secret from their spouses which is an enigma to me. It's obviously not an offence if there is mutual agreement.

So he’d have tried it on when she was a teenager?! Eeewwwww!!!

Get a life!. Do you know what? I'd take my chances. By God, the crime in this country is through the roof, hardly think they gonna send in the bloody big guns are they 🙄.

You don’t want to split? He’s basically admitting that he wants to put his dick inside her (aubergine emoji) And that a ‘few’ (likely less than 12) years ago he would have tried it on!

He’s cheated on you in the past, sorry but I’m 100% convinced and I’m 100% convinced he will again. He basically admitted the only reason he didn’t try it on this time is because he is senior at work! The fact he’s comfortable messaging his friend a photo of another woman and all the following conversation proves that he openly cheats and his friend isn’t shocked at all by it!

Get angry! Get proof, get a divorce!

This is the normal, moderate view.

To apply total ban to one's phone is an absolute red flag and those that adhere to it should be avoided at all costs.

Yuck.

OP - you haven’t. You had a good reason and you were proved right. Ignore the creeps.