Went down husband’s phone

Yeah she’s the issue here.

That alone is more than enough reason to just get rid of him. If he won't discuss those things it's not an intimate relationship, it's an arrangement. That, along with acting cold, should tell you all you need to know about whether or not he values you and the marriage without even going through his phone and seeing his disgusting banter with some other douche.

Ridiculous comment.

That poor young woman trying to forge a career and these two perverts think it's okay to make her the object of sexual banter.

Maybe him and his friend can eggplant each other - Yucky plonkers.

What about this bit? Does it make sense to you as well?

• His friend: Are you going to try it on?
• Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)

It’s not banter if you’d get a formal warning for it if work found out is a good simple rule of thumb…

Well given what she found on his phone I'd say she's right not to!

I don’t think you was wrong for looking, I wouldn’t be upset if my partner had a look through my phone either. I don’t think you should have said anything though, i would have waited to see how it played out.

I don’t see how this could be harmless banter, if he’s sending pictures of this women over. Also the friend is disrespectful too.

What a creepy fuck, that woman should be able to work around your husband without having her photos saved and sent like she's cattle at an auction they're deciding the worth of. Even if he didn't cheat I'd leave a man like this, he's there to work not comment on the fuckability of his coworkers with his creepy friends. How would you take him around your female family members or friends when he has form for cataloguing women of how much he'd like to have sex with them?

I'd not tell him you know. The trust is gone.

I'd get your ducks in a row then say you have to talk. Tell him you've been sexually unsatisfied for a few years and you've got talking to a younger guy at work so you want to start dating him.

See if he likes his own medicine 🤷🏼‍♀️

If that was ever discovered at work he would be dismissed. I am assuming his friend is also
a colleague.

OP, please listen.

Life is painfully short. It isn't a dress rehearsal. This is the real thing, one shot.

You deserve to feel loved and cherished. You can still coparent together and be good friends maybe even in time. But please I beg you go and build a life and find a partner you can be proud of. Not all men would behave like this, I think it is important not to minimise how bad it is that has such little respect for you and clearly women in general.

He isn't even sorry. Wake up and be brave. You have an opportunity on a plate here to make a great change.

Sorry I don't mean to fuel fire here, but the friend doesn't really instigate anything and mentions you. Your husband is the first to insinuate anything sexual with a cock emoji. It does sound like male bravado...at this point...but I would also be livid. It's just damn disrespectful to you. I'd be mortified about my husband talking about a young girl like that. Gross!

Yes, he is cognizant of the fact the he can no longer grope women at work without consequences.

Sounds like a huge LOL to him.

That kind of guy who longs to go back to the past when women were more jovial and 'understanding'.

Troll o'clock 😂

the things a woman will do for a fucking mortgage.

How horrible.

Would you like it if someone suggested that whoever is with you would be lucky to escape.

So nasty and so unnecessary. Reported.

Take a pic of the messages while you think about it. Horrible to see such stuff.

Interesting reasoning he gave - so if she was more senior ie less junior, would that have been fair game? Also disgusting and worrying that his friend would ask if ‘D’H was going to start something with her 🤨

@Sedgwick Indeed it is. And now it's reported.

@mmsnet what a ridiculous, malicious comment.

@girljulian my DH can go through my phone anytime he likes, nothing to hide, nothing I am ashamed of.

@PulpKitchen You have my sympathy, having small children complicates things of course. If your husband was a boyfriend I think he would be dumped, quite straight forward. Unfortunately your husband doesn’t sound like he has been faithful during your marriage. He should be ashamed and embarrassed to be caught with his lusting after his younger colleague. I would have to divorce, I couldn’t accept that sort of disrespect. Easier said than done of course. You don’t have to rush into a decision.

Let me help you with this.

In response to his friend asking if he was going to "try it on" with his 22yr old colleague, OP's DH replied:

"No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)"

when he should have replied:

"No, of course not, I'm happily married and I love my wife."

Can you see the difference? HTH.

This makes sense to me tbh. I'd be absolutely furious if my partner went through my phone.