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Went down husband’s phone

666 replies

PulpKitchen · 07/07/2025 16:38

I’ve been down my husband’s phone and found messages between him and his male friend. It goes like this:

  • My husband sends a picture of his female colleague who he is due to stay away with for work “This is her”
  • His friend: Nice! She looks a bit like (your wife)
  • Husband: She’s 22 years old (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: Are you going to try it on?
  • Husband: No, a few years ago maybe, but I’m more senior than her at work now, so can’t overstep the line. She’s so sweet though (aubergine emoji)
  • His friend: We’ll see after a few pints
  • My husband: 😂

OK. What do I do here? This trip was in the past and has happened, and I don’t think the woman went anywhere near my husband, however this conversation has disturbed me. I don’t want to split or anything drastic. Should I let him know I’ve been down his phone? If I do, he’ll change his password? I’m so angry. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 08/07/2025 13:36

OliviaVine · 08/07/2025 13:18

I'm sure it violates the Equality act.

Edited

Why? In what area?

notmypeasnotmyallotment · 08/07/2025 13:32

Honestly - trust your gut. My spider senses were pricked by an almost completely innocent text I saw by accident. It just didn't sit well with me and it turns out he was having an affair for years and I had absolutely no idea.
I really hope it is just gross male banter though.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 08/07/2025 13:28

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 13:26

No but a solicitor would know the law.

Yet you haven’t explained why a smartphone is not a computer.

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 13:26

MemorableTrenchcoat · 08/07/2025 12:56

Och, get off your high horse. Even if you are a highly experienced solicitor, you’re not the arbiter of this discussion.

No but a solicitor would know the law.

OliviaVine · 08/07/2025 13:18

MasterBeth · 08/07/2025 11:19

It's distasteful and unprofessional but not illegal.

It's a private message sent to a private individual. I'm presuming the photo is something like a social media image, or maybe a photo taken in a public place.

I'm sure it violates the Equality act.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 08/07/2025 12:56

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 12:29

Wrong. That poster provided zero evidence. It is NOT illegal to 'snoop' on someone's phone any more than it is illegal to read someone's diary. There is absolutely zero legislation that says snooping or reading is a crime. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Now lets end it here.

And the fact that you dare school a lawyer on their own profession is galling! I think they'd know far more than you on this topic.

Edited

Och, get off your high horse. Even if you are a highly experienced solicitor, you’re not the arbiter of this discussion.

MasterBeth · 08/07/2025 12:52

PopeJoan2 · 08/07/2025 12:10

Especially given that this is in the context of a workplace where he seems to have a senior role. It is gross misconduct.

It could be marked as gross misconduct, but a mitigating factor would be that it was a private conversation between two people and we don't know the previous conversation between them about the young employee.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 08/07/2025 12:48

ByGreenHiker · 08/07/2025 11:20

Please can enlighten us to your qualifications?

I'm a solicitor of over 15 years pqe having had an extended stint in criminal when I was a junior.

What makes you qualified to comment?

You dont know what you're talking about.

I hate that the thread has been derailed by this nonsense. Suggestion that OP is a criminal and should be dealt with as such rather than attention on the grown man exchanging pictures of a 22 year old in a sexual context.

Honest to god, what is wrong with all of you.

I don’t need any legal qualifications to understand that a modern smartphone is, in effect, a very powerful pocket computer. Are you really suggesting otherwise?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 08/07/2025 12:45

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 11:02

A mobile phone is used for making phone calls. Computers (which includes PCs/desktops, laptops and tablets aren't for making phone calls. They are two entirely different things.

You’re a wee bit behind the times. I can make telephone calls equally well on my mobile phone, my tablet and my desktop computer. Functionally, there is no difference, apart from screen size, between my iPhone and my IPad. In fact, my iPhone has more memory and a faster processor, so it could be argued it’s more of a computer than my iPad.

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 12:29

AngelicKaty · 08/07/2025 11:47

What is wrong with you?
To recap:

  • @TomPinch asked if "snooping" on other people's mobile phones is a crime
  • @MemorableTrenchcoat answered the question that it is illegal to gain unauthorised access to someone else's phone
  • No-one, as far as I can see (not even @MemorableTrenchcoat ) has suggested that OP would or should be prosecuted. This would be both disproportionate and not in the public interest - anyone with an ounce of common sense, much less criminal law qualifications and experience, would know this.
And you really can't complain about a thread derail when you add to it, so I suggest we end it here. Most of us posted helpful and supportive comments to OP yesterday (with just a handful of others berating her for "invading" her "D"H''s privacy).

Wrong. That poster provided zero evidence. It is NOT illegal to 'snoop' on someone's phone any more than it is illegal to read someone's diary. There is absolutely zero legislation that says snooping or reading is a crime. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Now lets end it here.

And the fact that you dare school a lawyer on their own profession is galling! I think they'd know far more than you on this topic.

MasterBeth · 08/07/2025 12:28

PopeJoan2 · 08/07/2025 12:09

Isn’t it clear to you? The highlighted text suggests that there have been times when he HAs tried it on with other women.

Which could be before the OP and her husband got together. How long has he been mates with the guy he sent the text to?

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 12:28

TomPinch · 08/07/2025 11:47

The question was what offence applied to checking a person's phone, not "that's the law". They did that. They were not asked to provide an equivalent of Lexis.

No, they did not. They did not provide evidence. They provided a link that has precisely zero to do with the topic. They may as well have provided a link to the Safe Boating Act for all the relevance it had.

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cars are often 'computerised' today. So are ovens even. Almost everything to an extend is 'computerised'. But if you steal a car you wouldn't be charged under the computer act.

This is ridiculous. There is precisely zero legislation that says a spouse can't look at their own spouse's phone. Zero. You and I both know it.

SamiSnail · 08/07/2025 12:21

AngelicKaty · 08/07/2025 11:11

YES IT IS. That doesn't mean OP or any other domestic partner (who isn't engaging in coercive control) would be prosecuted under this legislation because it would be disproportionate and not in the public interest to do so.

NO IT IS NOT! There is zero actual legislation on a spouse looking at their spouse's mobile. Please just stop this. It's getting ridiculous.

girljulian · 08/07/2025 12:14

PopeJoan2 · 08/07/2025 12:09

Isn’t it clear to you? The highlighted text suggests that there have been times when he HAs tried it on with other women.

What's that got to do with what I said? The two things are completely separate. OP's husband is a dickhead, clearly, but that doesn't mean people should go through each other's phones.

PopeJoan2 · 08/07/2025 12:10

suerte1998 · 08/07/2025 11:55

I know, the sending the photo and commenting on her appearance was wrong in the first place.

Especially given that this is in the context of a workplace where he seems to have a senior role. It is gross misconduct.

PopeJoan2 · 08/07/2025 12:09

girljulian · 08/07/2025 08:29

What are you talking about?

Isn’t it clear to you? The highlighted text suggests that there have been times when he HAs tried it on with other women.

AngelicKaty · 08/07/2025 12:04

suerte1998 · 08/07/2025 11:55

I know, the sending the photo and commenting on her appearance was wrong in the first place.

Absolutely. And he wouldn't have just sent that photo to his friend out of the blue - they must have been discussing this female colleague previously.
Even if he hasn't physically cheated, I think the level of disrespect shown to OP by her "D"H and his friend is vile. 😠

suerte1998 · 08/07/2025 11:55

Alltheyellowbirds · 07/07/2025 22:52

You don’t think it’s concerning that he’s sending pics of his hot colleagues in the first place - who does that? I don’t care if he said he wouldn’t cheat (especially as the only reason he gave for not doing so was that he might lose his job.)

I know, the sending the photo and commenting on her appearance was wrong in the first place.

AngelicKaty · 08/07/2025 11:47

ByGreenHiker · 08/07/2025 11:20

Please can enlighten us to your qualifications?

I'm a solicitor of over 15 years pqe having had an extended stint in criminal when I was a junior.

What makes you qualified to comment?

You dont know what you're talking about.

I hate that the thread has been derailed by this nonsense. Suggestion that OP is a criminal and should be dealt with as such rather than attention on the grown man exchanging pictures of a 22 year old in a sexual context.

Honest to god, what is wrong with all of you.

What is wrong with you?
To recap:

  • @TomPinch asked if "snooping" on other people's mobile phones is a crime
  • @MemorableTrenchcoat answered the question that it is illegal to gain unauthorised access to someone else's phone
  • No-one, as far as I can see (not even @MemorableTrenchcoat ) has suggested that OP would or should be prosecuted. This would be both disproportionate and not in the public interest - anyone with an ounce of common sense, much less criminal law qualifications and experience, would know this.
And you really can't complain about a thread derail when you add to it, so I suggest we end it here. Most of us posted helpful and supportive comments to OP yesterday (with just a handful of others berating her for "invading" her "D"H''s privacy).
TomPinch · 08/07/2025 11:47

ByGreenHiker · 08/07/2025 11:43

Yes it is. You don't just look up a statute online and say, that's the law. Any first year law student knows that.

What that insufferable poster hasn't done is provide the specific subsection of the statute or any supportive case law.

The question was what offence applied to checking a person's phone, not "that's the law". They did that. They were not asked to provide an equivalent of Lexis.

ByGreenHiker · 08/07/2025 11:43

TomPinch · 08/07/2025 11:35

None of that's wrong though, is it.

Yes it is. You don't just look up a statute online and say, that's the law. Any first year law student knows that.

What that insufferable poster hasn't done is provide the specific subsection of the statute or any supportive case law.

TomPinch · 08/07/2025 11:35

ByGreenHiker · 08/07/2025 11:20

Please can enlighten us to your qualifications?

I'm a solicitor of over 15 years pqe having had an extended stint in criminal when I was a junior.

What makes you qualified to comment?

You dont know what you're talking about.

I hate that the thread has been derailed by this nonsense. Suggestion that OP is a criminal and should be dealt with as such rather than attention on the grown man exchanging pictures of a 22 year old in a sexual context.

Honest to god, what is wrong with all of you.

None of that's wrong though, is it.

ByGreenHiker · 08/07/2025 11:20

MemorableTrenchcoat · 08/07/2025 10:15

What do you think a computer is? Do you think a mobile phone doesn’t qualify because it isn’t tied to a desk? Does that mean laptops and tablets aren’t computers?

Please can enlighten us to your qualifications?

I'm a solicitor of over 15 years pqe having had an extended stint in criminal when I was a junior.

What makes you qualified to comment?

You dont know what you're talking about.

I hate that the thread has been derailed by this nonsense. Suggestion that OP is a criminal and should be dealt with as such rather than attention on the grown man exchanging pictures of a 22 year old in a sexual context.

Honest to god, what is wrong with all of you.

MasterBeth · 08/07/2025 11:19

OliviaVine · 08/07/2025 10:37

I'm pretty sure sending a photo of a work colleague to a mate, without colleagues consent, carries a few legal issues too. Especially in the context it was sent and the fact that the sender is senior to the colleague. This might be seen as more serious than a quick snoop through a phone!

Edited

It's distasteful and unprofessional but not illegal.

It's a private message sent to a private individual. I'm presuming the photo is something like a social media image, or maybe a photo taken in a public place.

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