To be upset husband’s friends have organised his 40th birthday trip abroad?

Sounds like club mentality, I had an ex who used to go to this working mans club, had been going for years, his sister and dad used to go too, rarely went anywhere else, there was a big group of them. The lads used to go to Benidorm every year, or for someone's special birthday and so on. Arrange trips to like the races and a local seaside town. Big bunch of them. He used to go in there nearly every day and weekends were spent in there. 15 years on, he is still single and still drinking in the club.

Yeah my dad did alot of these things, always at the pub with his mates, coming home late to be nasty to mum and poke fun at his kids, going away with his pub mates fishing......... turns out he was having an affair since we were little and he was absent in our lives to spend his time helping her with her older kids

If he's doing this now so early into marriage, spending so much time away from you, only coming home just to sleep really then what's the point in staying with him? What are you getting out of the marriage?

I was almost the wife you are until I told my husband it's either me and the children or his beer. Luckily he chose us but a sibling of mine with 3 children has an alcoholic husband and her life is terrible. The children have been severely affected by his drinking, their relationship with their father is very sad and my sister just puts up with it despite knowing he's an alcoholic. My advice is to confront him and he either gets help and changes or you will have to end your marriage for your own sake. Please don't waste your life living like this, you deserve much better x

This marriage will end when he ends it
and it will be in both your interests Op
this is no way to live

You sound like you have very little in common. How did you meet and fall in love in the first place? (are you both in love? It doesn’t sound like it)

Does he have any good points you can list?

You won’t listen to this but here goes anyway…

The pub is his social outlet and there likely is a fair amount of drinking that goes on (but there doesn’t have to be). For some the pub is no different than hanging out with friends at a coffee shop or visiting at friend at home. I have witnessed people hanging out regularly (for hours several times a week) nursing a beer or a glass of wine. You have self-selected out of that social sphere… fair enough, it’s not for you.

What you can’t be surprised or owly about is when that group of friends organizes something and leaves you out… they assume he will invite you and you will either go or not. They really don’t care.

Honestly until someone actually buys a ticket it’s all talk.

Now to your bigger question… which I’m not sure you asked is how compatible are you two? It sounds atm not very. You can’t change him so really your only option is to decide where your line in the sand is. I suggest you do that sooner than later for everyone’s sake.

Your marriage is not a real marriage . He seems awful , you seem to just accept men are somehow this way ? They are not , it’s not normal for married man to go to the pub almost daily , it’s not ok not to defend you and it’s not ok to drink constantly and be a dick . You have only been married 2 years . Stop wasting more time with him . Find a real relationship and a man with better values

You don't want and don't have kids.
There is nothing at all tying you to this man.
You're not compatible.
You're not happy.
You don't want to be his carer in all age (none of his drinking buddies will).
There is a whole world of friends and hobbies and other romances out there.

I'm sure there are some things you like about him but you could just be friends not life partners.

I was married to someone like this...Monday night no drinking...Tuesday football training drinking afterwards. Wednesday out with his dad playing snooker and drinking. Thursday more training and drinking. Friday start of weekend drinking with mates Saturday and Sunday lunchtime and evening. Sunday night at home no drinking. He wasn't an alcoholic just a boozer. It was horrendous, especially once the children arrived. I vowed never to get involved with another drinker. You'll never ever be a priority.

Be gone when he gets back…that or change the locks, depending on your living arrangements, his already ditched you for drink and mates
Run!!!!

Sorry OP but this man will never change.
He IS an alcoholic and the fact he is in so much denial of that will make it impossible to stop!
You've said your marriage is unhappy but he’s refused to seek marriage counselling…
His 40th Benidorm trip is just going to be a VERY VERY boozy weekend/week and I doubt he will even remember it afterwards… wouldn’t be surprised if he got drunk and fell asleep somewhere extremely dangerous - We had a guy get drunk and fall asleep on a beach near to where I live, many years ago now - but fell asleep and after several hours concerned citizens called him an ambulance…. He’d suffered 3rd degree burns to all the exposed part of his body and later died!!
last year two Brits went missing abroad after a night boozing, I remember one was found weeks later dead !

I do wonder @EasySqueezy25 what you get out of this marriage? It seems like he makes you utterly miserable. You don’t need to move out, just tell him it’s over and he can sleep in the spare room/on the couch or wherever until the house is sold, your debts cleared … and any equity split leaving you free to start a fresh somewhere else. Neither of you need to ‘move out and rent’….. but if someone was then it should be him since he appears to have friends and family nearby!

one thing is certain - Life is too short to be unhappy! Do not ‘settle’… pick yourself up from this relationship, and find yourself the happiness you deserve

He's told them how bad things are so they act like he's single. It's as though you're all waiting for the inevitable.

I like a drink and think there’s nothing wrong with a trip to the pub.

7 hours a few times a week is ridiculous.
This sounds like it won’t get better.
You’ve no kids, you can be a free woman quite easily.
Don’t waste your life with this man.

Benidorm?

I’m so sorry op, you’ve married an oaf.

Yeah, it’s REALLY doubtful he’ll change, and I think the only hope of that is after you’ve separated and he sees you’re serious and misses you. Maybe then, maybe…

He’s clearly unhappy too but choosing to hangout down the pub rather than talk to you, try to resolve things.

How is he with you when he’s not down the pub?

I’m sorry OP. Personally, I suggest you crack on with your exit strategy… 😕

That's all on him. How do you think he talks about you when he is in the pub? It does sound like he has checked out of the marriage really.

Well he is an alcoholic. Let him go, then consider if you want to still be with him.

Yes. Yes, you are. And that response pretty much confirms it tbh…

As other posters have said, he is an alcoholic!

6 pints in 5-7 hours I'd say is a conservative estimate if he's doing it most nights. I know somebody (been involved with him twice, shame on me, never again) who easily gets through twice that amount no messing, every night. A few years ago he was advised by his GP to cut down, so he ditched the double whiskey chasers he'd been ordering with every pint on his way home from work, swapped to Guinness from lager and declared himself a reformed character. How he's held on to a job all this time is beyond me (needs work so he can afford the booze), he cheerfully told me that he used to work at one place and they'd regularly come in of a morning and find him asleep on a pile of hi vis in the corner of the office having been too fubard to get home.

OP - I don't think your patience is going to pay off, I'm sorry.

This, I’m afraid, OP.

He seems to have a serious alcohol problem that's only going to get worse over time. Think carefully if you still want to spend the rest of your life with him, especially if you intend to have a family.
He doesn't seem very grown up to me.

Tbh....the 40th in benidorm sounds like it would be a nightmare..no fun at all. Just really drunk people in crappy pubs. They'll be in bed hungover most of the day and roaring drunk at night.....fun!!!!! Even if they did invite you I wouldn't be going.

Say, yes I am.
He must be spending some amount of money in the pub too. He is with his pub pals more than he's with you. I doubt I would hang around for his 40th birthday.

He only ever drank pints of beer, never spirits.