To be upset husband’s friends have organised his 40th birthday trip abroad?

When is your deadline @EasySqueezy25 ?

Any improvements since you told him the deadline?

and Last week he told me his pub friends have arranged for them all to go to Benidorm next year for his 40th.

so he “told” you and also “invited” you?

I used to overhear men like this in the local pubs- drinking and calling their partners worse than st, saying nasty things about their looks/bodies etc (also boys at college moaning like this about their girlfriends, yet they were still happy to keep shagging her). I used to think "then why the fk are you with her then?!". The answer is simple: Sex. These men simply aren't fussy and will take anything as long as she has a functioning fanny, because they're such losers (and deep down they know this) and will take whatever sex they can get. They don't see a woman/human being, it's simply a fanny. Plus in most cases also a cook, cleaner and carer 🙄

Could you get his sister on side/talk to him ….it might give you a breathing space while you sort out what you want to do

good luck anyway

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk

This is mad, there is no indication of the sort. Why do people want to insist there is any more to it than a problem drinker? OP knows that's 'enough' to leave in itself, not that anyone needs a reason to leave at all.

Stop trying to whip up drama and bully the OP.

But op - suggest you read your own OP

if your husband really did invite you then his friends obviously assumed that you knew

This op seems to feel like her husband having an affair would be shameful for her and that by saying we think he’s very likely cheated / cheating / planning to cheat is some kind of indictment of the Op.

OP, it isn’t you. If he’s having an affair, and I’d hazard a guess that if hasn’t had at least a sloppy leg over in the past, it will almost certainly happen in the future and it sounds like he might even be planning it

Agreed. There is little likelihood that the friends booked a holiday in secret and then presented it to him as a done deal.

Far more likely they were all in the pub together and said “hey what shall we do for your birthday?” And the plan was made together.

I don’t actually think having a holiday with your mates is necessarily a bad thing, I have friends who’ve had a girls trip for big birthdays (and not invited their partners!) It’s not been INSTEAD of celebrating with their families, it’s been an extra treat. But I am sure they will have discussed it with their partner before booking.

So you quote it and still don’t understand what it says! As you have quoted, the OP says she has not been contacted by any of the pub friends and your quote about not being invited quite clearly relates to the pub friends

I think if you’re honest with yourself you know his mates haven’t organised anything for him. He wants to go away with them for his birthday because he knows it will be full of things he likes ie, getting pissed. He knows you’d not be happy if he told you he wants to go away with his mates on the lash to Benidorm so he or together, they’ve cooked up a cock and bull story about them planning it for him with him having had no input. He saves a bit of nagging from you as it’s his mates (who you dislike anyway) who get the blame plus he gets to go away, it’s a win win for him. I don’t believe it for one second, I’ve worked in local pubs and most of the local ‘characters’ couldn’t have arranged a piss up from their bar stool never mind a trip abroad.

Make your plans and get out. He won’t change.

What prompted your marriage after 4 years together to a man with an alcohol dependency? Had he promised to stop drinking?

And I would not want to go anyway so your DH is happy to go off boozing for a week as he and his friends know that absolutely doesn’t appeal to you, so his belated invitation after it’s all been organised is meaningless. He knows you’d hate it; but he’d still prefer to go. His priorities are all skewed by his bad drinking habits and the boozy company he keeps.

but that is not what you wrote in the opening post

'Last week he told me his pub friends have arranged for them all to go to Benidorm next year for his 40th.
I have not been contacted by any of them about it, never mind invited.
**

Oh he has checked out - maybe has a side chick taking her to his 40th celebrations? Regardless who does not invite their wife to go - he has probably painted you as problematic hence the pub pals snide comments. Take stock - get rid - regain some self respect and leave the idiot to it.

It's not a secret if she told him things need to improve or she's walking

I personally would not be compatible with someone who spends hours every week at a pub but it’s probably his only sense of community …. Sorry it sounds like you are being disrespected and need to make him move out with one of the locals. He child’s include you in his birthday plans, I think, but I’m not super big into birthdays so I don’t know

Dig deep and find your self respect. This man doesn’t love you, he loves alcohol. Know your worth and find yourself a real man, not an excuse of one.

This is on him if you weren’t invited and he spends 7 HOURS AT THE PUB??? Does he have a job??

This is not about friends organising a birthday party, it's about how you deal with a husband who is an alcoholic, and the practicalities of leaving him. It seems you have nothing much to lose - provided you can sell the house, hopefully you can leave him behind if you want to - not easy but at least you don't have kids to worry about.

Alcohol is a drug. My long term bf was also an alcoholic , would not drink at home, but in the pub every lunch time and evening till closing time.

I know you cannot leave right now, but if I were you, I’d plan and save and forget about going with on the birthday. Check out, mentally. Before you drive yourself nuts. I’d start saving and organise it so while he’s away on his birthday jaunt, that’s when you leave. So you’re gone when he gets back. You find a cheap rental, get a lawyer, start divorce , but it helps with the mental state if you know you have a solution in the works, even if it takes a year to accomplish. Then the house goes on the market or he buys you out. Either way..he’s a road to nowhere. Find a better path for you

Let him go, let him go!
Don't let him hold you back anymore!
Let him go, let him go
Turn away and slam the door
You don't care what they're going to say,
Let the storm rage on
The a*ho** never bothered you anyway!!

Urgh this doesn't sound good, sorry. I agree with other posters... sounds like he's not 100% into the marriage.. I don't think you are happy and should think deep about what you are going to do about this