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AIBU?

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Original poster

Late evening eating

306 replies

Blankscreen · 07/07/2025 13:34

I need some perspective as I m not sure if I am being grumpy.

Dss 21 lives at home full time. He has a job and goes to work 9-5 as do DH and I.

Dss is obsessed with the gym and bulking.
He finishes work, drives past his gym to come home to eat before he can work out. He eats 4 poached eggs on toast.

Even if I am in the process of cooking dinner he can't wait. He eats his eggs and goes to the gym and wants dinner kept for when he get home.

He gets in about 10:30 and he starts reheating his dinner and making more eggs and porridge. .
This is every weeknight.

At the weekend he goes to the gym slightly earlier.

Last night he appeared as dinner was being dished up at 7:30. By the time we had eaten an cleared up it was 8:15. Kitchen was done, floor swept, worktops polished

At about 10:10 he appeared to start the great big cook up of eggs and porridge etc I snapped and said I was sick of it and enough is enough. He needs to have a protein shake. To which I was told it's not enough calories.. DH tried to intervene and placate and said that as long as he clears up it's ok.

Thing is he never clears up properly. I also don't want the constant noise and mess of cooking and clearing up going in whilst I want to relax.
This morning his dirty plate is left in the sink.

AIBU to say no more cooking late at night? He can reheat his dinner but the rest needs to stop.
The other week I got woken up at 2:15am and he was making eggs as he's been out

OP posts:
ItsCalledAConversation · 07/07/2025 22:15

As various PPs have said there are several instant solutions here:

  • new high protein recipes that can be batch cooked at more convenient times of day (boiled eggs, overnight oats)
  • relaxing your showhome standards to mere Buckingham palace level
  • having a chat with DS about his contributions to household finances and living standards
Instead you’re doing none of these and instead here fuming and thinking about moving out. What game are you actually playing here?
Cherrytree86 · 07/07/2025 22:13

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 22:06

He doesn't clean up sufficiently well. And he lives at home with his dad in a property CO-OWNED BY OP - that gives her a say about what goes on in her home and how much DSS pays for living there, particularly when that paltry sum doesn't even cover his food!

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@SallySooo why are you trying to make Op invisible and pretend she doesn’t exist?

soupyspoon · 07/07/2025 22:11

Unicornsandprincesses · 07/07/2025 22:07

Ok sorry if this has been suggested but could something like this work as a compromise? I think it plugs in. He could just eat them hard boiled if it’s late. Maybe he could have it in his room & clean it first thing each morning so it’s not too disruptive? https://amzn.to/44ExWbP

An egg cooker being used in a small male occupied bedroom

Bring on the febreeze!!!

Unicornsandprincesses · 07/07/2025 22:07

Ok sorry if this has been suggested but could something like this work as a compromise? I think it plugs in. He could just eat them hard boiled if it’s late. Maybe he could have it in his room & clean it first thing each morning so it’s not too disruptive? https://amzn.to/44ExWbP

Late evening eating
AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 22:06

SallySooo · 07/07/2025 22:00

He does clean up. The amount he pays is between him and his dad. He lives at home with his dad. His dad determines how much rent is payable by his own son.

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He doesn't clean up sufficiently well. And he lives at home with his dad in a property CO-OWNED BY OP - that gives her a say about what goes on in her home and how much DSS pays for living there, particularly when that paltry sum doesn't even cover his food!

justasking111 · 07/07/2025 22:04

Outofthemoonlight · 07/07/2025 21:37

“He has 12 eggs and 9 slices of bread a day, plus lunch, plus porridge, plus dinner plus mountains of fruit, yogurt snack etc”

…… and he pays £150 a month…!!!!!!

This is ridiculous. Have you actually worked out how much the extra food he is consuming is costing…How much is a dozen eggs these days - presumably he also eats lots of meat?

@Blankscreen stop buying all this food, he can pay for the extra himself.

Hubblebubble · 07/07/2025 22:03

Simple solution: boiled eggs and overnight oats.

CWigtownshire · 07/07/2025 22:03

He should be paying a lot more and cleaning up after himself - or move out!

soupyspoon · 07/07/2025 22:03

SallySooo · 07/07/2025 22:00

He does clean up. The amount he pays is between him and his dad. He lives at home with his dad. His dad determines how much rent is payable by his own son.

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Havent you read OPs posts, he doesnt clean up.

Livpool · 07/07/2025 22:02

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 22:00

His eating isn't "disordered" - he's on a high-protein diet alongside gym training to build muscle mass.

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You’re right!

justasking111 · 07/07/2025 22:02

Blankscreen · 07/07/2025 17:27

He has 12 eggs and 9 slices of bread a day, plus lunch, plus porridge, plus dinner plus mountains of fruit, yogurt snack etc.

My eldest has gone through my body is a temple phases since his teens. He's 45 now., it comes and goes.

@Blankscreen suggest you discuss with husband taking £400 pcm off him. Put £250 in a savings account in case he isn't a millionaire in 12 months and is stony broke. Or he moves out.

Hard boiled eggs in the fridge make less mess and are a fast boost.

Lucyccfc68 · 07/07/2025 22:00

Cherrytree86 · 07/07/2025 20:50

You’ll get your arse handed to you for that on here, but I think fair play to you! 👏

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I know, this place is mental.

Full of women moaning about their lazy arse husbands, but the minute anyone admits to raising their son not to be a lazy arse, you get grief.

My 20 year old has just come back from his first lads holiday. They rented a lovely house and my lad proper made me laugh tonight. He hated the mess his friends left and was astounded at one of them thinking you can clean a greasy frying pan with cold water.

I always say that I am raising a man, not a wimp and I will not hand over a useless man to his future wife. I’m not going to add to more women on Mumsnet who have shit, useless husbands.

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 22:00

Livpool · 07/07/2025 21:58

But that’s not ‘normal’. He is disordered about eating as you are about tidying the kitchen. I hate the smell
of eggs but I think you would annoy me more going on and on because someone is cooking and ‘ruining’ the kitchen.

YABU

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His eating isn't "disordered" - he's on a high-protein diet alongside gym training to build muscle mass.

SallySooo · 07/07/2025 22:00

soupyspoon · 07/07/2025 21:31

This makes no sense what so ever

Why go so nuclear?

No he doesnt need to eat out, he simply needs to clean up after himself. Properly. Thats all. Not difficult. No one is asking him to chop off a limb or something so onerous. Just wipe up, wash up, clean up. Easy

And it very much is OPs business how much he is paying, she is presumably a joint asset holder of the property and shares her finances with her husband, his father. Its their property, his home. She and his dad get to call the shots in the home, nothing toxic about that.

Want different rules, move out
Want the pros of the arrangement? Then engage with the cons as well,this means doing his fair share of the chores around the house.

Show quote history

He does clean up. The amount he pays is between him and his dad. He lives at home with his dad. His dad determines how much rent is payable by his own son.

EllieEllie25 · 07/07/2025 22:00

He needs to properly clean up after himself, including actually washing up his plates if the dishwasher is already on. You’re not being unreasonable, and having a penis doesn’t mean you can’t clean a bloody sink properly. I would find this enraging too.

BettyCrockerClinic · 07/07/2025 21:58

Blankscreen · 07/07/2025 13:51

I'm not sure I can stand it and have said to DH that I will end up moving out before dss does.

Massive overreaction about some eggs.

AngelicKaty · 07/07/2025 21:58

Linethemup · 07/07/2025 21:54

I had a lodger once who worked shifts. She cooked the most outrageously smelly foods in the small hours, the smell woke me all the time. But it wasn’t reasonable for me to dictate what she could eat and when, she paid rent and it was her home

And did she only pay you £150pm and you provided the food she was cooking?

Livpool · 07/07/2025 21:58

Blankscreen · 07/07/2025 14:16

Yep I do like the kitchen perfect and joke that it is 'show home' standards😂.

I can keep it like that so i find it v v frustrating that dss doesn't/can't/won't.

But that’s not ‘normal’. He is disordered about eating as you are about tidying the kitchen. I hate the smell
of eggs but I think you would annoy me more going on and on because someone is cooking and ‘ruining’ the kitchen.

YABU

Linethemup · 07/07/2025 21:54

I had a lodger once who worked shifts. She cooked the most outrageously smelly foods in the small hours, the smell woke me all the time. But it wasn’t reasonable for me to dictate what she could eat and when, she paid rent and it was her home

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 07/07/2025 21:52

Blankscreen · 07/07/2025 13:45

He cleans his own bathroom and bedroom and does his own washing.

He pays £150 a month

He’s paying peanuts, What would a reasonable flat share locally cost? And he’d have food and bills on top!

JazzyBBBG · 07/07/2025 21:48

It would do my head in. The smell of eggs. 🤮

Themaghag · 07/07/2025 21:47

I can absolutely empathise with you OP - in your place I would feel exactly the same.

soupyspoon · 07/07/2025 21:46

He doesnt clean his plate and leaves bits of egg around

How is that cleaning up?

That is very definitely not cleaning up. At all.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 07/07/2025 21:37

You need to be reasonable - triple what he pays [minimum] and get a cleaner.

SallySooo · 07/07/2025 21:37

Cherrytree86 · 07/07/2025 21:28

@SallySooo

all he has to do is clean up after himself. Or do you think he should be excused from this and OP do it on account of her having a vagina?

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It sounds like he does clean up, just not to her standards.

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