How bad is my situation - am i delusional?

LOL oh dear - interest free credit cards are typically an introductory offer. They rarely remain interest free. And they certainly don't if you miss a payment (some also require you to pay off the statement balance). They are NOT for people, like OP, who view credit cards as free flowing loan.
There are far better ways to build up good credit than using an interest free credit card. By all means play the "shifting credit card balances to zero interest credit cards game" if you wish - but lots of people try that and fail miserably. Furthermore, you are suggesting you can fund an ISA or other investment purchase with a credit card purchase - but you can't. People who have excess income can certainly play around with money shifting mechanisms, but OP is not one of those people - so your comment really isn't relevant for this conversation.

@SharpOliveUser Hi OP, former Citizen Advice adviser here. I'm sorry to say that if you think having credit card and personal loan debt of almost £50k at the age of 32 is either manageable or tenable then you are delusional. It's also grossly unfair on your DH for him not to know the extent of your debt - he has a financial connection to you through marriage and joint property ownership and if you don't stop living beyond your means and your debt becomes unserviceable (assuming it hasn't already?) he will be affected too when bailiffs turn up at your door. How would you feel if he were concealing this level of debt from you? Marriage is about trust and honesty - where is this in yours?
You need knowledgeable advice from one of the free debt advice charities e.g. StepChange Debt Charity, National Debtline, Citizens Advice, and Debt Advice Foundation. There are five debt solutions which have different qualifying criteria and whichever debt charity you seek advice from will look at your entire income/expenses/debt situation and advise you which you would be eligible for - here's some information on these potential solutions: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/debt-solutions/
The adviser will start by getting you to complete a Budget Sheet of your Income, Expenses (Outgoings) and Debt so you can see what, if any, spare income you have each month - this will be as sobering for you as totalling up the true extent of your debt, but it's the first step in dealing with it.
It's up to you, of course, if you ultimately take their advice, but I've met many debt clients who, like ostriches, have buried their head in the sand for far too long and they all had two other things in common:

• their debts got far worse the longer they ignored them
• they all said "I wish I'd done something about this sooner".

Okay I mean it's not great but it is definitely manageable. Horse has to go. That's the debt down to 40k. Then anything you used to spend on the horse immediately goes off paying the debt. Get rid of the credit card.

I earn a lot less than you and am still paying off a car loan for my car of 11k and I don't feel paralysed with fear by this. I also have a mortgage of over 100k. I earn just over half of what you do - it's fine.

You can be debt free in as little as 3 years. You don't need to panic you just need to sort it.

What you can't do is tell yourself it's not that bad and carry on. It's only not that bad if you make changes now - and whilst your still on your current salary as things can change. So do it all now, consolidate that debt, cut up the cards, free yourself of all horse related costs.

Can you go on fancy foreign holidays? I mean, no, not really. That's fine though, there's a lot of lovely places in the UK you can visit on a budget. But first you have to work out what that budget is.

Find Financial Audit with Caleb on YouTube and watch some with people with similar debt and see the advice he gives them.

There's a way out of this now, if you tackle it now and don't let it grow.

It's not just the money raised by selling the horse (though £10k sounds a lot for an ordinary horse), it's the cost of keeping one. That could easily run to £10k a year.
It sounds like you have got to re-think your standard of living from scratch.

Sorry if my DH wasn't honest about his level of debt then it would be a divorce for me.

I would possibly feel the same!

I can't help thinking he must be as clueless as Op re how much things cost though!

There are the typical finger wagging MN replies; the ‘Jesus!’ and the lectures about ‘growing up’ because the OP is ‘40’ (no, she isn’t) but it is easy to slide into debt like this. It’s why I don’t allow myself credit cards.

Plenty of people have found themselves in debt and have got out of it too - but pontificating helps no one.

I really don't understand how people in your position on a reasonable salary with no dependents can be so self indulgent as to get themselves into such debt. But you just have to try and pay the debt off as best as you can. And make economies in your day to day living. Not sure about the horse. Depends on how much you are attached to it amd if you cam find it a good home.

Equestrian here too. This doesn’t sound like the right horse for you anyway, and you can’t afford to send him for schooling, so get him sold. Store a few good rugs and tack. Get a share going with someone else’s horse. You’ll be able to throw a good few hundred a month at your debt when you don’t have livery costs or feed/farrier/vets bills. Once you have cleared your debt you can think again about getting another horse if sharing isn’t enough. You don’t HAVE to spend tens of thousands- you could even loan. But get your situation sorted first. It won’t actually take you that long if you put your current horse costs into the pot.

Whether you enjoy the horse or not is beside the point.

You can't afford a horse therefore you can't have one.

@Caligirl80 actually interest free credit cards exist, and are a great way of building wealth IF you can afford to pay them off.

Sticking 10k in an investment ISA will get you 7-10% average interest a year, whilst using a 0% interest credit card will mean you can pay off the balance with the capital that's been earning you money whilst the "Borrowing" has cost you nothing. However, agreed, if you're carrying a balance on a card with a higher APR, it's burning money unnecessarily.

No one here seems overly concerned about your partner in all this.

You need to be honest with him/her, as if you own home together your finances are very much linked.

Sorry if my DH wasn't honest about his level of debt then it would be a divorce for me. Why do you not communicate these things to each other when in a partnership?

Yes life is for living. I was diagnosed with cancer only a year older than you, I know what it's like looking at your own mortality very well. However if you were to lose your job or become ill then your lifestyle would change very quickly.

Sit down and work out your incomings and outgoings.

Sell your horse and use the money you spend on him currently to pay off your debts.

One would think the DH would be very concerned about this because married people typically share debts as well as income!! Unless all this credit card debt existed prior to marriage - but that's unlikely now given the interest rates on those debts are surely eating into community property (unless there's a prenup involved here). At her age she should have more than £50k in savings (and far far more in a pension/retirement plan) and less than £500 in personal loans (preferably zero) but it's people like OP who keep the credit card companies in business.

You have MINUS £50,000. You cannot afford a horse. Jesus.

If your bank balance was zero would you take out a £10,000 loan to buy a horse?

(...doing this would actually still leave you 5 times better off than your current situation!)

And you're not even riding it.

This is bonkers.

Obviously you need to sell the horse and start paying off your debt.

Get an IVA.
Its 5 (6 if you're a homeowner) years of pain and repayments and restrictions... but after that you are debt free.

Are you absolutely sure you’ll get 10k for an unridable horse? What’s his issue?

The issue here is clearly a complete lack of rational thought. The OP didn't "think" - they just wanted stuff and decided to worry about how to actually pay for it later. Sadly this happens all too often - and people living beyond their means is one of the reasons the prices for everything have increased for everyone else. Anyone who views credit cards as anything other than a way to avoid carrying actual cash with you to buy something (or a source of some air miles) is a mug.

It’s pretty bad, as others have said and some have shockingly minimised.

£50k debt. £500 savings. A horse you can’t afford. Do you have a mortgage? Pension? You’ve got a decent household income and no dependents, you should and can be in a better financial position than this.

I would 100% sell the horse to pay off a chunk of debt and reduce your outgoings. You also need to talk to your DH honestly, stop going on holiday until you learn how to manage money, and make a serious, committed but achievable repayment plan. (Not a total hairshirt one you can’t keep up with and end up splurging on something. You need to retrain your spending brain and that takes time. It’s an addiction.)

I think the shock of finding out the total is cushioning you a bit, your brain’s gone into protective mode and going “Ah, maybe it’s OK, maybe you can travel” because if you actually faced up to reality, I think you’d have a nervy b. Maybe it will sink in over the next few days.

I'd imagine he has neigh opinion!

Sooner or later there is going to be a bill that you cant pay on time within your credit limit .That day is within sight ACT NOW your situation is dire.

If you think things are bad now wait until you are declared bankrupt and all credit disappears for a very long time and wiil be very expensive if you do get any.

The credit card debt needs to go. Immediately. Absolutely extraordinary that you are even asking the question!!! The APR on credit card debt is huge!

Stop wasting money on rubbish you don't need - and pay off those credit card bills. Anyone who carries a balance on a credit card is an utter fool - those things are just there to facilitate a purchase, not to use to take out a loan!! If you aren't auto-paying the statement balance (not the minimum payment, but the entire statement) every month you are making atrocious financial decisions and burning money for no reason. To do that just for a holiday or some frivolous stuff is crazy - I hate to think what the accrued interest is that you are now paying off!!!!

If you don’t enjoy your horse then it makes no sense to keep him. Find him a nice new home and start paying your debts off with the £10k. I assume he was kept at livery? If so, use the money that you would have been paying for his keep to pay off your debts on a weekly/monthly basis.

Sell the horse definitely and use it to immediately reduce the debt.

Develop a payday routine - e.g. as soon as your wages come in pay some off your debt immediately.

If you've got an expensive car, sell that and get a small cheaper car.

You could always live in the stables