How bad is my situation - am i delusional?

Speak to step change.

@Caligirl80 "One would think the DH would be very concerned about this because married people typically share debts as well as income!!" I don't think you meant this the way it reads, so just to clarify, OP has indicated that the almost £50k of personal loan and credit card debt is in her sole name so her DH isn't responsible for it (and given that he's not even aware of how large the debt actually is, he's in for a bit of a shock if/when OP tells him).

If you don't enjoy riding your horse - could you sell the horse and ride someone else's for them?

You are clearly living above your means and the interest on the debt is accumulating - its ok now as your working, but what if? you lost your job, got pregnant etc - you'd be in a right mess

You'll get some satisfaction cleaning it as its something accomplished.

You say you own your house, mortgage free?

Simple as that.

I am currently clearing a load of debt (£18k - mostly credit card with some student loan). Been at it since July last year and it's been a huge lifestyle adjustment. No holidays, strict budgeting - for you it'd be also getting rid of the horse. You're right that you're going to have to make some big sacrifices and you can't do it half arsed - e.g. treating yourself to "rewards" on a regular basis for your progress or you just set yourself back. You're lucky to have your spouse, would he subsidise more of the bills perhaps to let you focus on clearing this?

Think on how good it'll feel when you're debt free and can enjoy your holidays knowing you've paid for them already. I get my satisfaction now from watching that debt figure reduce - only 5 months left to go!

I think this is manageable…

Sell that horse! And work out how much you spend monthly on horsey things. You know you can afford to save that! You don’t have any children so if your living costs are not too high you could save a decent amount a month.

Could you do £550 per month and still live your life in relative comfort? The rest of that £40000 could be paid off in 6 years.

Hey OP, if you're anything like me then you'll feel awful looking at it like this, but as soon as you start to make a plan and stick to it, you'll feel better.

Definitely agree with letting the horse go. Go through your outgoings forensically and see where you can cut back - see it as a challenge maybe... you'll be paying a lot interest alone.

Get on Money Saving Expert and immerse yourself in the most efficient way to get this debt down.
Best of luck.

Yes you are delusional. Sell the horse and pay off some debt. Prioritise paying off the other debts and do local camping type holidays. We'd all love to go travelling and have expensive things but you can't afford it!

Don't panic. If you are meeting the repayments then sit down and work out a strict budget and really get into the "stingy" mindset. Look at 0% consolidation or the snowball effect.

If you aren't then look into debt management plans. Not sure if they are available for home owners but we had one and it was brilliant for us.

I was young and silly with money but obviously much better now so no judgement from me. I would say though that mumsnet isn't the best place for advice, MSE is probably much more helpful.

I love horses, but do not have one. I realised at an early age that owning a horse is only for the very rich and the 100% utterly obsessed.

Selling the horse you will have £10K plus you won't have the costs of feeding/stabling/shoeing etc. Is there any way you can earn yourself some extra cash looking after someone else's horse for them, or can you keep in touch with the horsey world by exercising someone's horse for them?

In my teenage years (long time ago) I worked at a riding stable and used to get a 15 minute free ride (exploitation at it's finest) I hope it's less exploitive now! Would this help with keeping you in touch

If you are keen to stay in a horsey lifestyle, does that mean you are socialising a lot with other horsey people? That might not be helping because you are likely surrounding yourself with people who can afford things that you can't. Which is fine if you are happy to be honest about eg 'sorry money is tight at the moment, can we meet for coffee and cake at mine instead of going out for expensive 3 course meal'. But considering your post it doesn't sound as if you are going to be able to do that. So removing yourself from that environment, even if just temporarily,.might be a really positive thing.

i also have a horse and he costs me a significant amount - i have recently considered sending him away for training as i dont currently enjoy riding him but now i am thinking maybe i should sell? I would get about 10k for him in the current market and as i say i dont enjoy him. However being a horse owner and an equestrian is such a big part of my identity so i am dragging my feet

Sell the horse. That's a fifth of your debt paid off and an instant end to all the costs of having a horse. Let the horse go to someone who will enjoy riding him, it's not fair to him to have an owner whose heart isn't in it anymore.

Also you say being a horse owner and an equestrian is a big part of your identity. I know exactly what you are talking about here. I've been into something for so long (nothing horsey), all my life in fact, but in the last couple of years I've had to face the fact I'm not enjoying it any more but who I am is so wrapped up in this thing and it is really hard.
I've been working on it, I just keep saying to myself that's who you were then, now you don't enjoy that thing any more and it's not who you are now. Also, I look on the positive side of now being free from that thing to try something else in life.
But I totally get why you are dragging your feet.

If your making minimum payments don’t involve any consolidation companies (only consolidation I would look at is a loan to make your credit cards ) but only commit to that if you cut the cards and don’t spend as you’ll be in a cycle. Using step change will black mark you if you ask them to help negotiate payments etc, imagine you’re not keen on that. I’m 100% not perfect so probably shouldn’t give you advice as I have about £20k which I need to work on, but need to get in my head that I can’t live the lifestyle I previously did (split with partner so all household and mortgage payments are mine to deal with so have lost about £500 a month) so it will take longer but I’d rather make the minimum and over pay where I can rather than blacklisting myself essentially

I bet he’s sad at the OP’s long face🤣

(see what I did there?)

I hate to say it as an owner of several ponies myself, but selling the horse is the sensible thing to do here. Not only the lump sum you'll get from selling him but the money you'll save on keep/livery etc every week. It'll be relatively easy without the horse expenses to get a grip on the debts. Once you're financially back on the straight and narrow you can look at a share or whatever. Even if you get less than £10k for the sale price it's the money you'll save every week that will make the most difference here. If you don't like riding him, it's a bit of a no-brainer really...
I think you need to do the full maths here on the true cost of keeping your horse - lessons, transport, entries, tack and rugs, insurance, routine vet visits, physio etc. something is horse owners generally avoid, but it sounds like you need to do it now to get on top of your overall finances....

Sell the horse. You can still ride when you have the cash . My DD pays £25 for an hour.
Be honest with your husband.
Contact Step Change.

So really you're in debt by £125,000 if you add the student loan and the other debt together. That's a huge sum to owe. How much do you pay off the student loan every month?

Sell the horse and fast! Pay off the most expensive debt you have with the money. Then with the money you’re saving without a house pay it towards your most expensive debt! If you can re finance/balance transfer any of it to a 0% card do that as a priority so that you don’t keep accumulating interest.
if you have say 5 credit cards with 10k debt each. The first thing to do is list them all and their APR% you should be able to find this easily on your statements etc.
If for example it looks like this:-

10k TSB 26%
10k RBS 25%
10k Santander 22%
10k Virgin 20%
10k BOS 18%

you pay it off in that order. If you can get the first one paid off with horse then focus on getting the 2nd most expensive transferred to a 0% card. Then focus on paying off as much as you can the next most expensive. Whilst going the minimum payment with the rest. Every 6 months you should be applying for another 0% balance transfer and transferring the next most expensive debt.

Do you not need to make monthly repayments on this loan as your salary is over the repayment threshold? I don't understand what you mean about seeing it as a tax?

His issue is depression - at the financial situation his family is in!

• sell the horse; that's £10k to pay down on debt
• how much will selling the horse save you per month in terms of livery, other costs etc.? - use all of this to pay off/over pay debts
• look at balance transfer cards if you can, you can then save on interest
• also look at debt snowballing - pay off the smallest debt first, once that has been cleared, then put what you were paying monthly on the paid-off ones towards paying the rest of the outstanding debts
• Print out a bank statement, plot all outgoings onto a spreadsheet and see which ones you can cut down on or cancel (even temporarily)
• Do you have things laying around that you can sell - old equestrian clothing, tack etc.? - Vinted is your friend here in terms of clothing, or even eBay
• Shop around for the outgoings that are essential - electricity/gas, insurances

On what coin though?

You’ve received some great advice here op. I’d add - you say life is for living and that’s very true…it’s also for learning and growing and facing problems head on. You’re still young and have a reasonable income … you’ll be able to clear this debt and when you do you’ll feel fantastic! And proud! And when you’re older (and going on exciting trips again) you’ll look back and see it as an important part of your well lived life. Sell your horse, make a plan and go for it.