How bad is my situation - am i delusional?

Before making any big decisions regarding your horse's future, you need to sit down and calculate your exact outgoings and seek proper advice about consolidating your debt into a manageable repayment plan.

Selling the horse may well seem a sensible option for you on paper, but is it the best option for your horse? Why does he need re-training? Are the training issues going to affect the type of home you could find, his value and his future?

Armchair psychology, but I wonder if subconsciously you're not enjoying him because you know your finances are out of control, and this is manifesting in whatever issues he is having.

Can you go diy and/or get a sharer who will invest a bit in training? Put him out on loan while you get your debt under control? If you can find a way to significantly bring down costs, which also safeguards your horse's best interests long term, then that would be a direction I'd consider first. If you can make considerable sacrifices/savings elsewhere and make it work, even if over a longer timescale, keeping him may feel something you are more deserving of, and therefore start enjoying more. Which ultimately would be better for your horse, than being shunted from pillar to post, as most horses with "issues" end up with.

Then lose your house and have nothing

Your horse is not your identity, and if you think it is you will also soon have to accept that bankrupt is part of your reality.

The horse has to go, and then start looking at what random stuff you bought that you can sell (like handbags etc) as you can soon pull a bunch back in.

Then final option is to extend your mortgage to clear the remaining debts

Going against the grain here (fellow crazy horse owner here 😂). Life is for living. Enjoy it while you can. Go to places you want to go and live the lifestyle you enjoy.

Is that true? My ex husband became bankrupt but it didn't stop him trabelling

Sell the horse and get advice from Stepchange. You can have an identity as a horsy person who just at the moment doesn’t own a horse but may do in future. Clearing the debts matters more- do you want to establish an identity as a spendthrift?

You are spending money you don't have, on a lifestyle that you can't actually afford. It's that simple. You need to write down/create a spreadsheet of your ESSENTIAL outgoings. Then you need to look at your credit card/bank statements and see what you're spending money on. Keeping a horse is very expensive, and the bottom line is - you can't afford to have one. Sell the horse, and use the proceeds to pay off some of your debt. I'm sure you must have saddles/reins etc, sell these too, every little helps towards paying off your debts. If you are buying regular extras like - coffee, lunches, weekends away, meals out, takeaways - STOP! You can't afford to do this. Once in awhile is fine, but not regularly. You also need to be honest with your husband, and yes he is likely to be angry. You need a plan on how to pay this money back, so seek help from your local CAB.

To me your income seems huge and so does 50k debt.!
So yes I would definitely sell the horse especially as you say you don't enjoy him at the moment and you obviously can't afford him.
Use the money towards your debt and set up a payment plan so you pay off more than the minimum each month. Move into an interest free credit card and keep moving so you pay as little interest as possible.
Don't spend anything else on the cards until your debt is reduced.
And tell your husband about your situation. That way it should be easier to live within your means which is definitely possible on your salaries

Absolutely this and please stop referring to your husband as your partner, it confuses people. If you are married, which you say you are, you have a husband. You need to work with him to deal with your debt and get to a financial place where you can travel.
You don't need to own a horse to ride.

How is it structured? What APR are you paying on it?

You must be spending the equivalent of several nice holidays a year just servicing the debt.

Your only real choice is do you go hard and fast and cut life to the minimum to get it paid or do you go for longer and slower.

Is your husband aware of this? And if not do you have a joint mortgage because you may find it very hard at renewal time.

We had ponies at home for 20-odd years when the kids were growing up. I did start a spreadsheet of every expense, including training, entry fees, membership fees, down to every hairnet, plaiting bands, every packet of polo mints. I was very diligent about entering the amounts, not so much about totalling the columns and referencing them against my disposable income (hah!), which was actually non-existent.

Before long I was a single parent of young adults, luckily mortgage-free but with £22k on credit cards, I suggested my full-time-working daughters might contribute towards their now retired weekend-hacking ponies, they thought it was pretty poor idea. The demise of all but one pony eventually eased the pressure and DD’s partner agreed it shouldn’t all fall to me to pay.

I treasure the memories, and I’m retired and debt free now, but it was utterly insane to be deliberately blind to the eye-watering, colossal expense of horse ownership.

You're living and spending way above your means. Life is short, fuck me, that's a shit excuse for massive debt.

Sell the horse. You're just using him to prop an image of yourself that doesn't even fit.

You need to come clean with your husband. That amount of debt, he's going to get blindsided sooner or later and I don't know your laws where you are but is he going to be responsible for marital debt?

Adjust your expectations. You're going to be paying off debt for years and you're going to have to strip your life down to necessities, not wants.

You might consider therapy to drill into why you're spending so much and maintaining a certain image is so important.

That's a lot of debt racked up for jollies. Does it include a student loan?
You say you own your house, is that with a mortgage?
Just maintaining that loan must be costing you a fortune every month. You need to throw everything at reducing the loan to reduce your interest repayments. So yes, sell the horse. You'll get money for that and also it will reduce expenditure, freeing up income to use to pay down the debt.
Get an evening or weekend job to up your income. Let out a room in your house if you can.
And change your attitude towards spending - I'm gobsmacked to read that despite the massive loan, despite the fact that you don't even enjoy riding the horse, that you are considering keeping the horse just for the sake of your image.
If you don't reduce that loan, it will end up increasing ,given the nature of compound interest, and you will be paying ever larger interest payments out of your income just to stand still. Do it now. Your future self will thank you.

Sell the horse now whilst he's still an asset. We all know that horses are hella expensive, and can suddenly develop illnesses overnight that cost a fortune and devalue them instantly.

You're in a very precarious situation, literally anything could turn up right now that could cause this whole pack of cards to fall around your ears. You like the idea of being the equestrian, but do you like the idea of being exposed as irresponsible and debt-ridden? People don't tend to like that.

Sell the horse and look for a part loan, you’ll keep your identity, have a lump sum towards your debt and save a good chunk of money each month by not owning!

Selling the horse reduces debt by 20%

Plus the amount you pay in horse costs can go into paying off debt, not accumulating more debt, and saving. Horses are an expensive hobby

I read somewhere that buying a horse is a bankruptcy starter kit. To be honest, I'm surprised you think you can afford to keep a horse and travel on your salary.

Do you and your partner share any bank accounts?

Once you have paid your regular bills (before paying any debt) then how much are you left with per month? Can you cut down on any of those bills? Post a list here if you want advice on that.

I would definitely sell your horse, particularly as you don't enjoy riding him. What are the additional costs, eg stabling and vets' fees, that you would save on top of that?

I know you want to go travelling etc but you have to get this debt down asap as you'll be paying a fortune in interest.

It does sound as though you have a problem with spending - I think you need to take a serious look at how to overcome that.

Your situation is bad.. but certainly salvageable. You need a plan that stops it getting worse so stopping interest accruing if you can by turning into repayment plans/ moving any CCS to 0% credit cards. And then making a sensible plan to pay it all down.

Debt advice might be helpful to get ahead of it - CAB or others. They can help you come up with a plan. (Warning they can be brutal about what they think you need for living expenses and therefore what is available to pay down debt). I guess you could ask chatGPT, Claude or other AIs and see how they'd put a plan together. It's basically a formulaic approach.

Brutal honesty - it’s pretty bad and if you think that you don’t need to sell a horse you don’t enjoy riding (and certainly can’t afford) because owning a horse is part of your identity then, yes, you’re delusional. Also worrying that you’re still focusing on all the places you want to go - you can’t afford it right now, You can be part of the equestrian world by going to events, volunteering at stables/sanctuaries, or even getting an extra job there to increase your income and clear your debts. You can use the chance of (more affordable) travel in the future as an incentive to get your debts repaid as soon as possible.

You need a clear budget and realistic plan to repay your debts - moneysavingexpert.com is a very good place to start.

Sell the horse, stop travelling for the next few years, whee else can you buy - going out? Good shop? Etc.

You need to face reality and tackle this head on. You can't continue living some luxury holiday TikTok fantasy that is way beyond your means.

The National Debtline can go through your debts and help you reduce them as well as discuss your options. You can do a free money management course online and perhaps reflect on what's driving your behaviour.

Let’s start with the basics. With £50k of debt you can’t afford to send a horse away for training. That’s a luxury for people with high disposable income.

Next - get in touch with Stepchange and get yourself some individual debt advice. That’ll at least get you started on things not getting worse. You can then have a conversation with your partner around ways forward with some solid ideas to put on the table.

On the horse front, there might be a multi angle solution. Could you get some groom work as a sideline. Still get the horse engagement, cut your own spending and bring a bit of top up in.

Absolutely sell your horse given you are not enjoying it much anyway.

Can you find someone who would pay you to take care of their horse in return for rides? Extra cash and still a foot in the equestrian door.

I am surprised this level of unsecured debt isn’t freaking you out more really.

Your income doesn't support your lifestyle so you need to change one of them. Meanwhile, sell the horse and start bringing down your debt. You can't use the excuse of it making you depressed because we could all say that when we can't afford the things we'd like to have or do. You just have to be mature about it, face reality and take some responsibility for yourself.