To dislike the term ‘maiden name’?

I used it recently on another thread - mainly (stupidly?) because I couldn’t think how else to refer to it. Birth name is a much better alternative (that I’d not thought of bizarrely) but still feels clunky somehow.

I’d go for overthinking over underthinking any day of the week!

Can we use ‘birth name’ and rid our names and status from this idea of being a ‘maiden’?

I quite like the idea of being a maiden so I voted YABU.

My mother also decided unilaterally that I, aged 10, should now be known by the surname of my new deadbeat stepfather - I dropped it as soon as I left school (stepfather is also long gone).

Names can be a complicated business.

Maiden name is still better than 'name of the bloke my mother was married to whilst fucking somebody else's husband after she changed her mind about me having my actual father's name because she wouldn't be able to claim benefits as a widowed mother when her husband was admitted to intensive care/expected to die when i was a newborn and my actual father was horrified at this, at which point she decided that not only would I not have his name, I wouldn't have a relationship or any knowledge of him either.

It's not my birth name. It's the name my mother used to commit fraud after I was born, it's the name I was known by as a child and as such I will happily chuck it in the bin on marriage.

Spinster makes me think of spiders.

Bachelor seems outdated, but not as much as spinster!

Maiden name doesn't scream spirit to me. In fact, quite the opposite.

Because if we go down that path and just have functionality to our lives, we might as well have numbers as names. Daily life deserves a bit of spirit.

How are you reading aggression? I calmly said the word fuck.

The point is, it is nobody's business really what my marital status is. Just as a man isn't called anything other than Mr after marriage.

I have, in the past been accused of lying about being married because I don't wear a ring or call myself Mrs. There is indeed a level of inappropriate nosiness levelled at people, purely because of their sex.

Why does it need to be 'exciting'? Birth name is absolutely fine.

Birth name is boring. Maiden name is fine. Then again I still say spinster, which will no doubt raise some hackles. Nice short descriptive name. Abundantly clear, like bachelor.

@PeapodMcgee the issue isnt worthy of your level of aggression. I don't think anybody in real life is suddenly going to think about what you are doing with your bits when they find out your marital status 🤣

Women are always 'overthinking' things, or too sensitive, or overemotional/hysterical. We are very used to hearing our concerns dismissed in this way as trivial and unworthy of attention because they're mere women's concerns.

Some posters are giving away quite a lot about their own internalised prejudices on this thread.

'You are over thinking it.'

Ah yes, there's always one 🙄

I'm with you OP, it's so outdated and old fashioned, as is the whole practice of dumping your own last name and 'taking your husband's name's if you get married. Should have gone out with the ark

You are over thinking it. That may well be the origin of the word but these days it is just an accepted term for what surname you went by pre marriage. I am a feminist but do not find the term in the least but offensive.

We can move with the times, few people say ‘Christian name’ any more.

Really? I can't say I have noticed. I still here this used regularly.

No problem with the word maiden, it simple relates to unmarried/young woman and all the virginity stuff you talk about I would even consider associating with it, I don't think most people would in modern times (in progressive countries at least).

The word can remain as it still clearly fits and is inoffensive, you need to change your own perception of it to modern times.

Brava!

This comment is rather revealing.

Ships are inanimate objects. Women are sentient humans.

Part of the reason we are in this position right now is that some people have trouble making that distinction between default human (ie men), service human (ie women), and object (the way some also view women). Is it really so easy to miss? Sadly, it is: it's clear even on a women's support site that some people really don't view women as fully human, able to assert our own rights, our individual autonomy, or even something so basic as our own personal preference of identity. (Cf. 'but it's really your father's name!')

It's as if once women marry we're expected to disappear. A category of name and a title announcing our sexual status is grotesque, IMO, whoever's family name a woman ends up retaining or adopting.

A name - just that, not a 'maiden' name - is surely sufficient to identify a person in this day and age. Titles are long since obsolete.

Exactly this. I’m adopted and my birth surname was not my surname before I was married.

I've no problem with the word, really, it's an easy and well-known way of explaining pre-married surname. However, I do understand the feminism sentiment you're getting across - both my husband and I barrelled our names when we married so that I wasn't the only one changing my name.

I’m very keen on keeping the feminine in our culture, I think it’s always under attack, so I’m happy to use the word maiden, I think it’s a beautiful word.

I didn’t think anyone used it any more!

I quite like the old, flowery imagery of "maiden", doesn't disturb me.

That said, I haven't changed my surname, and am now Ms, because both Miss and Mrs would be a lie.

I prefer surname and previous surname (if any). This would apply to people who have changed surname for other reasons (like children who are adopted by a step-parent or other) as well as women who change their name when they marry.

You do realise that Mrs, Miss, and Ms all are shortened forms of Mistress? Whereas Mr is a shortened form of Master.