Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike the term ‘maiden name’?

118 replies

BangersAndGnash · 07/07/2025 11:06

It is so sexist.

It comes from a time when ‘maiden hood’ , being a virgin, defined a woman pre marriage, when she was given the name of the man who was entitled to that virginity.

There is no common male equivalent, ‘maiden name’ , oh, the name women have before they take their ‘real’ name, their married name.

Can we use ‘birth name’ and rid our names and status from this idea of being a ‘maiden’?

We can move with the times, few people say ‘Christian name’ any more.

OP posts:
SerafinasGoose · 07/07/2025 18:27

BoswellTheScribe · 07/07/2025 18:20

Did you know there is a town in Berkshire, England called Maidenhead?

Show quote history

Yes, but in that context it means 'First Wharf!'

BoswellTheScribe · 07/07/2025 18:20

IdaGlossop · 07/07/2025 15:03

The word 'maidenhead' troubles me as well, especially the idea of it being 'taken' by a man. There are undertones of male aggression and the possession by the man of the woman.

Did you know there is a town in Berkshire, England called Maidenhead?

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 07/07/2025 16:11

@MyIvyGrows I also forgot "mandolin". Surely that needs to be persondolin.

mrssquidink · 07/07/2025 16:10

Most government forms now ask for first name(s) and last name or given/family name, and then any previous names you have used or been known by. Not least because terms like “maiden name” can be confusing for many people. So it’s dropping out of officialdom.

MrsSethGecko · 07/07/2025 15:50

It doesn't bother me. (And I'm very far indeed from being a maiden, as it were.) I like being a Miss, too. Never going to marry, don't like Mz. Miss will do me fine.

PeapodMcgee · 07/07/2025 15:45

I'm pretty sure the over 70s online driving licence renewal form asked for your mother's maiden name, but can't say 100%

Original poster
BangersAndGnash · 07/07/2025 15:43

Some interesting perspectives from all directions.

For those questioning when the phrase is used, it’s true, not so much on forms (which do tend to say ‘previous or other names’ or similar, but every other post on any surname thread.

Personally I haven’t used the term for decades. I like some of the other alternatives suggested on this thread.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 07/07/2025 15:37

Bridport · 07/07/2025 15:02

I find the trend for double barrelling names strange.

When the child of Mr and Mrs Barnes-Smith marries the child of Mrs and Mrs Jones-Peacock will they be Mr and Mrs Barnes-Smith-Jones-Peacock?

No. Why would they?

They would just make a decision they agree on like we all do.

That's assuming they want to get married and they also happen to marry someone with a double barrelled last name.

user101101 · 07/07/2025 15:26

Women still take their husband’s name after marriage rather than the other way so that’s why there’s no male equivalent. You don’t need to use it and you don’t need to change your name either.

MyIvyGrows · 07/07/2025 15:24

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 07/07/2025 15:19

And let's not forget "manhole cover"..Surely it should be "person hole cover "!
And if course "management meeting". that needs to be "Personagement meeting" .

Well, yes for the first one. Drain cover is what most of us say!

Second one, “management” is derived from the Latin “manus” which means “hand”. So a swing and a miss there.

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 07/07/2025 15:19

And let's not forget "manhole cover"..Surely it should be "person hole cover "!
And if course "management meeting". that needs to be "Personagement meeting" .

Bridport · 07/07/2025 15:12

Alright. Keep yer hair on. Only having fun. It isn't a difficult concept.

TheWorminLabyrinth · 07/07/2025 15:03

Bridport · 07/07/2025 15:02

I find the trend for double barrelling names strange.

When the child of Mr and Mrs Barnes-Smith marries the child of Mrs and Mrs Jones-Peacock will they be Mr and Mrs Barnes-Smith-Jones-Peacock?

This comes up all the time, as though you're the first person ever to have thought of this amazing gotcha!

The child of Mr & Mrs Barnes-Smith can choose whatever surname they want. It isn't a difficult concept. They manage quite well in Spain.

IdaGlossop · 07/07/2025 15:03

The word 'maidenhead' troubles me as well, especially the idea of it being 'taken' by a man. There are undertones of male aggression and the possession by the man of the woman.

Bridport · 07/07/2025 15:02

I find the trend for double barrelling names strange.

When the child of Mr and Mrs Barnes-Smith marries the child of Mrs and Mrs Jones-Peacock will they be Mr and Mrs Barnes-Smith-Jones-Peacock?

TheWorminLabyrinth · 07/07/2025 15:00

I agree OP. Men don't have "maiden names" and for that simple reason I won't use the term.

isthesolution · 07/07/2025 14:58

Birth name and maiden name could be different. Maiden name refers to the name used at the time of forming your first marriage whereas birth name would be the name you were born with.

There’s no equivalent word which is why maiden name is used.

queenofthesuburbs · 07/07/2025 14:55

Why not just keep your maiden/birth name?
I find it really odd that people take their husband's surname.

PutThe · 07/07/2025 14:51

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/07/2025 14:03

Not knowing his identity until I was much older didn't help (she outright lied about his name to send me off on wild goose chases and it was only in recent years I've been able to find it with any certainty - from his death certificate - had she told me the truth for once I would have at least been able to make contact before he died, whether he responded or not).

And like tattoos, I think you shouldn't get yourself a new name if you aren't 100% sure it's the right one for you, so I didn't want to change when still angry about it.

But DP's name? No such problems, no baggage, he's been the best, kindest, smartest, funniest and outright amazing person I've ever met, so I will happily take it when we finally get around to it.

Show quote history

Blimey, I think permanent anger would be a totally reasonable response to that situation!

Lins77 · 07/07/2025 14:26

Eyesopenwideawake · 07/07/2025 13:31

How often do you actually get asked (not asked to write on a form) your title?

Surely most people just give their actual names rather than Mrs/Ms/Miss Whatever.

Not as often as previously, but it does happen when someone is taking down my details (though that makes it sound like I regularly get arrested, which I swear is not the case 😂)

Bridport · 07/07/2025 14:21

Outofthemoonlight · 07/07/2025 13:28

I hope that one day soon women will stop taking their husband’s name.

I've been married so long that I've had my husband's name longer than I had my maiden name. It's much more interesting than my rather dull maiden name and I consider it as much mine as his now. It's a key part of who I am and I like that he and I have the same name.

Each to their own I suppose.

MatildaTheCat · 07/07/2025 14:06

Many years ago I had a spinal surgery and because it was my first it was referred to, by medics, as a ‘virgin spine’. 🤣

In recent years I’ve mostly seen, Previous Surname/s requested on forms and estate agents tend to use the phrase Principle Bedroom. So I think your examples are a bit out of date tbh.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/07/2025 14:06

Luckyingame · 07/07/2025 13:59

I hear you and your point.
However, there are a lot of personal issues. I took my husband's surname to "block" my father's, or parents' surname in another country. I hated their guts (they were abusive). Only married to make my own life better.

Show quote history

You can just change your name though, a woman still doesn't have to take her husband's name.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/07/2025 14:03

PutThe · 07/07/2025 13:16

I totally get why you dont want to keep it. Is there a reason you've chosen to use it this long, and still do now? This is assuming you're an adult of course.

Show quote history

Not knowing his identity until I was much older didn't help (she outright lied about his name to send me off on wild goose chases and it was only in recent years I've been able to find it with any certainty - from his death certificate - had she told me the truth for once I would have at least been able to make contact before he died, whether he responded or not).

And like tattoos, I think you shouldn't get yourself a new name if you aren't 100% sure it's the right one for you, so I didn't want to change when still angry about it.

But DP's name? No such problems, no baggage, he's been the best, kindest, smartest, funniest and outright amazing person I've ever met, so I will happily take it when we finally get around to it.

girljulian · 07/07/2025 14:03

Of course it's sexist. The expectation that women should change their names upon marriage is sexist. If everyone stopped doing it, there would be no "maiden names".

Swipe left for the next trending thread