Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going back to ex husband mainly for son to feel happy again

79 replies

GuiltRidden9 · 07/07/2025 08:41

I broke up with my husband in January and my son ( aged 13 ) just can’t accept it

The guilt is destroying our relationship as he holds me fully responsible as it was my choice to leave and his dad moved back to his parents so son could stay close to school etc

Hos dad is a good dad and good provider but lacks emotion, we had no connection between us which then filtered into me feeling like an emotional wreck a lot of the time and his looking at me like I was crazy.

It affected our sex life as it all felt very disconnected.

He is begging to come home - he is struggling being away from us to an extent that I am very worried about him but more so our son of course.

Im so worried about trying again and it going wrong and my son hating me even more that it’s stopping me doing it but then every day I’m faced with the guilt that I’ve ripped his family apart.

OP posts:
SomebodySedateMee · 07/07/2025 08:52

Do you want your son to grow up in an environment where he thinks you and your husband’s relationship is normal?

You’ve made the break, I know you think it would be easier to go back as everyone (your son, your ex) would be happy. But you wouldn’t be.

If you go back for their sake, you may find yourself resenting not only your husband but your son. As someone who stayed in a loveless marriage longer than I should have because of my children, stay separated. Get a divorce, communicate effectively with your son that you and your ex will not be together ever again. Remind him that he will still see his dad and spend time with him but you both will no longer be in a relationship.

It’s hard, upsetting but the other option is that you spend the rest of your life miserable.

TheSandgroper · 07/07/2025 08:48

No, don’t do it. Explain to ds that being a son is very different to being a husband or a wife. Don’t go into too much detail- he doesn’t need that. But you are making an adult decision for the good of everyone.

Forlocalqs · 07/07/2025 08:45

Yabu to go back to an unhappy relationship for your son’s sake.
As he’s old enough to understand a bit, try and explain to him how sometimes staying in the wrong relationship is worse for everyone and that although things are still painful at the moment, they will get easier.

gamerchick · 07/07/2025 08:44

Don't do it. If you do, when you realise all those problems are still there you'll feel extra stuck when it comes to leaving again.

Is your ex leaning on the bairn with his emotions maybe? I'd be having a chat with your husband and telling him it's not going to happen, he needs to sort out a home of his own. While this limbo is going on, nobody can move on.

Don't do it man, you'll regret it terribly.