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Original poster

Going back to ex husband mainly for son to feel happy again

79 replies

GuiltRidden9 · 07/07/2025 08:41

I broke up with my husband in January and my son ( aged 13 ) just can’t accept it

The guilt is destroying our relationship as he holds me fully responsible as it was my choice to leave and his dad moved back to his parents so son could stay close to school etc

Hos dad is a good dad and good provider but lacks emotion, we had no connection between us which then filtered into me feeling like an emotional wreck a lot of the time and his looking at me like I was crazy.

It affected our sex life as it all felt very disconnected.

He is begging to come home - he is struggling being away from us to an extent that I am very worried about him but more so our son of course.

Im so worried about trying again and it going wrong and my son hating me even more that it’s stopping me doing it but then every day I’m faced with the guilt that I’ve ripped his family apart.

OP posts:
Original poster
GuiltRidden9 · 10/07/2025 07:27

I have arranged counselling for myself
ExH wanted to do counselling together too which I don’t know if I should be agreeing to or not
I just want everyone to be okay but I’m constantly in a state of panic now where I don’t know what the answer is
The fear of not being able to make it work and having to split all over again and what that will do to my son freezes me into doing nothing

Son can’t live with his dad as dad is living with parents so no room and a long way from school
Son just wants to be at home with both of us 😥

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 10/07/2025 07:04

Maybe let your son live with his dad? I know he’s wanting you together but maybe he’s missing the male 1:1 time which he will inevitably get more of if the dad is his primary carer?
And I do stand by my previous comment about it teaching him to emotional manipulation works.

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/07/2025 07:03

GuiltRidden9 · 08/07/2025 01:02

I do feel like I genuinely love my ex husband but am not in love with him

He is stable and consistent and would never ever leave me - he is a good provider and it was emotionally I felt very let down throughout our marriage which was mainly because I’m quite emotional as a person and he is definitely not

I guess I’m finding it very hard to draw a line under “ a good man “ when my son is so upset about it all

It would be cruel to get back with a man who clearly loves you but you are not in love with that way

You are both better apart and will be happier in the long run

Concentrate on ensuring your son spends quality, stable time with both you and his dad separately and get him some counselling to deal with his feelings

Do not go back...you will end up miserable or end up leaving again and dping that a second time would make things 100 times worse

Outofthemoonlight · 10/07/2025 07:00

Have you arranged counselling - for yourself in the first instance (and, given the state you’re in this is now urgent), but also for your son?

Until you do, you will continue to be confused and acting in a panic brought on by your own emotions.

Original poster
GuiltRidden9 · 10/07/2025 00:07

I’ve made this all worse by going back on and off trying to do the right thing

I’ve lost sight of what to do anymore

OP posts:
Outofthemoonlight · 10/07/2025 00:05

Your husband is controlling you.

And now your son is doing the same…

Stilllifes · 10/07/2025 00:04

What about your daughter in this?
Your son is controlling and manipulating you.
Going back will not work and will only delay and confuse them further.
Stick to your plan.

Rabbitsockpeony · 10/07/2025 00:04

GuiltRidden9 · 10/07/2025 00:00

It’s not “ that bad “ but we don’t laugh together, there’s no affection and we have very different personalities and sex is difficult

maybe this isn’t enough then

Don’t do it. Just don’t. You’d be sacrificing yourself.

I asked about neurodivergence because of various things, including your husband’s emotional unavailability and your son’s very extreme reaction to this.

Original poster
GuiltRidden9 · 10/07/2025 00:00

It’s not “ that bad “ but we don’t laugh together, there’s no affection and we have very different personalities and sex is difficult

maybe this isn’t enough then

OP posts:
SquishedMallow · 09/07/2025 23:54

NCForThatForumM · 07/07/2025 09:20

I'd go back. Stick it out until your Son finishes school and split then. It doesn't even sound that bad.

Show quote history

I agree with this. I do think as parents (barring abuse or cheating) that we as parents owe our children a stable home life with mum and dad (if that's achievable)

Original poster
GuiltRidden9 · 09/07/2025 23:50

Son says I’ve ruined his life and he will never be happy again
That seeing his dad walk out of the family home has broken his heart and the only way to fix it is being back as a family

OP posts:
Blurrywateryeye · 08/07/2025 07:42

I would not be letting a 13 year old dictate my life. You’re the parent, parent your child.

jeaux90 · 08/07/2025 07:40

You need to say very clearly to your son and your ex that going back is not happening. You will be showing your son that relationships can be coerced if you do. Don’t do it.

IllBeHomeForChristmas · 08/07/2025 07:36

PeapodMcgee · 07/07/2025 08:58

You have posted about this before, multiple times, no?

When your son visits your whining ex, he gets bombarded with unfair emotional abuse about how sad he is.

Son then also turns on his own emotional abuse and manipulation of you.

Your daughter quite rightly can't stand him.

You had another boyfriend your son didn't know about.

No, my answer is the same. Fuck them both off and realise you are doing your son no favours by indulging your ridiculous abusive ex.

OP can you answer this question as I agree with PP, this sounds VERY familiar.

Daleksatemyshed · 08/07/2025 05:10

I mean this kindly Op but you were unhappy with your DH, he says he loves you now but he never showed it and you felt ignored and unloved. If your DS wasn't unhappy you wouldn't consider taking him back, you know your DH will go back to how he was and you'll be unhappy again

HedgehogOnTheBike · 08/07/2025 01:35

Boys that age really want their dad.
I guess he can choose who he lives with?

andfinallyhereweare · 08/07/2025 01:06

GuiltRidden9 · 07/07/2025 20:37

Thank you and I’m really sorry to keep posting
My brain is a mess

Are you the poster who broke up with a partner then got with someone else who you loved and then got pregnant? If yes as other threads have said get counselling and prioritise your own happiness. You’ve been in turmoil about this for months.

Original poster
GuiltRidden9 · 08/07/2025 01:02

I do feel like I genuinely love my ex husband but am not in love with him

He is stable and consistent and would never ever leave me - he is a good provider and it was emotionally I felt very let down throughout our marriage which was mainly because I’m quite emotional as a person and he is definitely not

I guess I’m finding it very hard to draw a line under “ a good man “ when my son is so upset about it all

OP posts:
FourLove · 07/07/2025 23:05

The way you express this today sounds as if you are still very fond and respectful of your ex so there may be hope for the marriage. Unless this is the whole story though, stay away from him.

wizzywig · 07/07/2025 21:36

Becuase if your son has asd, then he gets comfort from routine. He wants everything to return to how it was.

DPotter · 07/07/2025 21:35

No need to apologise and there are no limits on the number of times you can post about the same issue. Some posters have unrealistic expectations of OPs. At least you can see we are being consistent across your posts - don't move back in!

Original poster
GuiltRidden9 · 07/07/2025 21:33

Thank you and I’m really sorry to keep posting
My brain is a mess

OP posts:
Original poster
GuiltRidden9 · 07/07/2025 20:37

Thank you and I’m really sorry to keep posting
My brain is a mess

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 07/07/2025 18:38

Dont do it.

You will feel trapped and if you do eventually split up again, that will be 100% harder on your son as he wouldn't be able to accept it was final and expect you to change your mind

Sort out proper, formal access for you and your ex with your son, with a structure so your son knows what is happening

Get counselling for yourself and your son

Pateallday · 07/07/2025 17:50

I haven't read your previous posts, but even so, I don't believe that its right to go back to an unhappy marriage because your child isn't happy. Your son needs to learn that adult relationships can break down whilst parents continue to love and care for their children. He also needs to see thats its not healthy to want or expect women to put their feelings aside to center men.