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Original poster

To not want to give up masturbation?

115 replies

Gwendoline1989 · 07/07/2025 01:35

I see my boyfriend everyday, we have sex most days, fairly new relationship but have known each other for 17 years. But I still masturbate sometimes. Maybe once or twice a week. Nothing to do with sex with him, just sometimes I need to unwind and it helps. Sometimes it helps me sleep. He hates the fact I do it. Thinks it means I think he’s shit in bed (he really isnt, he’s actually probably the best I’ve had in bed) but he wants me to give it up. I’ve asked if it’s a deal breaker and he said it might be…
what would you do?
do you still masturbate even if a happy relationship with a healthy sex life?

OP posts:
Locutus2000 · 07/07/2025 08:00

You guys fall for this bollocks every time some random pervert posts it.

Jennyathemall · 07/07/2025 07:45

Caligirl80 · 07/07/2025 02:06

Oh gosh, here we go again: another obvious attempt to get people (women in particular) to talk about their sex lives. Urgh. Is there not enough online material to peruse without getting a thrill by trying to "trick" women into giving up their "rampant rabbit" visitation preferences???

  1. There is nothing wrong with masturbation.
  2. One partner trying to control another partner's "solo flying" is inappropriate.
  3. The caveat is if the self-pleasure is impacting or detracting from the couple's intimate time together; or is impacting the person's regular life (i.e. people with a sex addiction); or is based on an inappropriate contact with another person/images (i.e. online contacts that go beyond looking at photos of Pedro Pascal, or Tom Hardy, or Magic Mike, or whoever floats your boat).

Yup. Expecting this post to get taken down imminently as MN “looks at thing behind the scenes”

Uol2022 · 07/07/2025 07:41

This is a stupid thing for him to ask of you. Maybe if he’s concerned your sex drive with him is low I could understand opening a conversation around that. Or if he doesn’t like you watching porn I think that’s reasonable to ask you to stop. But he can’t honestly expect to control whether you touch your own body at all?

ZingyStork · 07/07/2025 07:40

Nothing wrong with what you are doing. There is no way he should be telling you what to do. From a male point of view there's nothing nicer than watching your partner pleasuring themselves, we all do it.

BeardofHagrid · 07/07/2025 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/07/2025 07:35

LotaWyseWomen · 07/07/2025 04:28

Was sleeping at yours every night agreed? And does he pay his way? It sounds as if he’s moved in by stealth. He should be paying half of the food and the bills as minimum. And as he’s basically moved in, half the rent and council tax… that is if you want him to be there every night, which is basically moving in.

I am pretty confident he’s not paying his way here and yet has decided he should be able to dictate what goes on in your home, which you pay for, yourself, and he’s using / taking advantage of every single night.

These are more big flappy red flags. From what you’ve said they’ll be many more. Just adding 2 more. One for moving in by stealth and another for not paying his way. 🚩 🚩

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This^

why is he at yours every day/night when it’s a “fairly new relationship”? You should just be dating and having fun, not moving in.

Branleuse · 07/07/2025 07:30

It wouldn't do HIM any good to think he can control someone else to this extent, and its a big sign that he is controlling and insecure.

Dont agree to it. Masturbation is your right.

If he feels insecure, then that's his stuff to work through, but youve given him no reason to be insecure. You have sex lots. You see him loads. You are into him.
No need for him to start putting guilt trips on you about having a cheeky wank here and there if thats what you fancy. Who the hell does he think he is?

Hollietree · 07/07/2025 07:27

This has nothing to do with masturbation. But everything to do with his fragile ego and his need to control you.

Run. I am not joking. End this relationship. There is 0% chance that beside this issue he will be a loving and supportive partner. This is showing you very very clearly that he is controlling, he think he owns your body. There will be much more worse to come from this man.

BlueRin5eBrigade · 07/07/2025 07:25

He's controlling and insecure. Does he control other things? Does he comment on you clothing or your friends? If he's at yours every night when do you get time to yourself or go out with friends? Do you have a life outside of him?

StarlightLady · 07/07/2025 07:21

Beeloux · 07/07/2025 07:13

Just do it and don’t tell him. I do it often. I’ve never even mentioned it to a partner and if one asked if I did I would say no. Merely because it’s none of their business.

It is nobody else’s business. Bur neither is it something that we should be ashamed of. And for that reason l don’t think anyone need lie.

Men need a greater understanding of womens’ needs and they are not going to find that out from talking to other men.

cloudyblueglass · 07/07/2025 07:20

Controlling fragile little man. In my experience it will only get worse

Tahlbias · 07/07/2025 07:19

Gwendoline1989 · 07/07/2025 02:44

I think so too tbh. I’m going to be on my guard but what I’ve done is added 5 hearts next to his name and each time he shows worrying behaviour or behaviour I just don’t like then I’ll remove a heart, once all the hearts are gone the next thing to go will be his name and contact in full and he’ll be gone

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That is a very good idea! My husband (together 18 years, married 6) loves to watch me masturbate and encourages it. It's healthy with or without your partner. Don't let you partner control what you can and can't do. It's your body!

SaintNoMountainHighEnough · 07/07/2025 07:15

You do you love. (er, literally?)

If it helps you sleep and relax then frankly, who is anyone to judge.

Beeloux · 07/07/2025 07:13

Just do it and don’t tell him. I do it often. I’ve never even mentioned it to a partner and if one asked if I did I would say no. Merely because it’s none of their business.

JifNtGif · 07/07/2025 07:09

A nanna nap 😂

Bananalanacake · 07/07/2025 07:09

What does he do when you have a night out without him. He has moved in by stealth, can you tell him to go back to his place and you'll meet for dates once or twice a week.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/07/2025 07:08

He sleeps at mine every night. He goes to work at 5.30am. Comes back to mine after work at about 5-6pm, usually asleep on the sofa by 10pm

That's full on for a new relationship! Is he paying for rent/bills and pulling his weight with housework???

Oh, and don't stop doing what you're doing.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2025 07:08

Rabbitsockpeony · 07/07/2025 04:49

Jesus Christ. What?!

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My thoughts exactly. How old ARE you?

ConcernedOfClapham · 07/07/2025 07:04

Gwendoline1989 · 07/07/2025 02:44

I think so too tbh. I’m going to be on my guard but what I’ve done is added 5 hearts next to his name and each time he shows worrying behaviour or behaviour I just don’t like then I’ll remove a heart, once all the hearts are gone the next thing to go will be his name and contact in full and he’ll be gone

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If he gives you a smack, does he lose one heart or two?
Or all of them?

Not trying to be flippant, but this isn’t the way to approach this, sorry.

ConcernedOfClapham · 07/07/2025 07:01

Gwendoline1989 · 07/07/2025 02:32

I don’t think he’s lying about that tbh. He sleeps at mine every night. He goes to work at 5.30am. Comes back to mine after work at about 5-6pm, usually asleep on the sofa by 10pm and we’ll go to bed together when I’m ready but he continues to sleep. Then weekends we go out usually and if one of us is sleeping it’s always him so I don’t see when he would have the chance to tbh

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He’ll find the time, I guarantee it.

Before / after a shower, before / after a toilet, whilst you’ve nipped out to the shop for a packet of teabags etc…

AgnesX · 07/07/2025 06:58

It sounds like he's practically moved in, does he contribute to the household? I think you have other problems to add to this one.

StarlightLady · 07/07/2025 06:58

ConcernedOfClapham · 07/07/2025 06:54

I have to agree. This will be just the tip of the iceberg. Soon he will be dictating your wardrobe, when you go out and who you see. Please tread carefully.

This!

The whole thing reminds me of someone l was briefly with years ago. He started throwing a strop and sulking because l was topless at the beach saying other men can see your boobs (really? All women have them!)

lt’s a long slippery slope with barbed wire at the bottom.

ConcernedOfClapham · 07/07/2025 06:54

I have to agree. This will be just the tip of the iceberg. Soon he will be dictating your wardrobe, when you go out and who you see. Please tread carefully.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 07/07/2025 06:51

Tell him that him trying to control what you do with your body is a deal-breaker for you and that you don't want to her anymore about it.

PepsiMaxCherryAddict · 07/07/2025 06:41

Twiglets1 · 07/07/2025 06:35

You're the one getting obsessive over arguing with me on this thread!

Again - other people have different opinions to you!

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Yes, they do, but just as you’re allowed your opinion, I’m allowed to think your opinion is silly, and I’m not the only one on the thread to think so. The consensus is pretty unanimous so far. You stick to thinking she should just hide it from him then, or at least try. I wonder what will happen to her if she does.

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