To think that most parents find saying ‘no’ to children very difficult?

It's really not, sad you can't see this. Imagine if everyone said no to their kids having a cellphone before age 16 and what a different, better world we would create for our children (as one example where people feel they have to follow the pack). But generally you saying no creates a shitty brat that impacts the general enjoyment for everyone else. My DC and I do alot of classes, and have done since they were a baby, every class be has one little shit kid that ruins it for all the other kids, the parents and the teacher - all because the parent never says no.

But children are not responsible for the feelings of other people, nor should that responsibility be put on children. Your child's meltdown because they see my child have xyz doesn't mean my child should go without, just as its up to me to manage my child when your kid has xyz and they don't. Life isn't fair so what you're describing is actually holding small children to an overly high account. You're teaching them to ignore their own needs in order to please others when the others might not even care. Same as when they go to the supermarket and see kids on the ride on machines, or eating over priced ice cream at the circus or whatever the situation. Kids are surrounded by that day and daily it's a normal and natural part of life that we need to help them learn to regulate in the midst of.

Obviously this is nuanced and noone should be setting out to deliberately harm others, or be overly selfish in any relationship etc. But you could take that to a crazy extreme in either direction.

It's not my job to limit my child's opportunities be they big or small, incase you then need to help your child manage their emotions around that, nor would I be raising my child to make themselves smaller in order to please others. I don't think that goes any way to fostering resilience but it does promote really unhealthy ideals in relationships and friendships.

Nothing wrong with the child asking, up to the parents to say yes or no..

As a parent it wouldn’t bother me what another parent chooses to buy their child. A birthday party where there are slushies, is very likely a public place where they are sold.

But children are not responsible for the feelings of other people, nor should that responsibility be put on children. Your child's meltdown because they see my child have xyz doesn't mean my child should go without, just as its up to me to manage my child when your kid has xyz and they don't. Life isn't fair so what you're describing is actually holding small children to an overly high account. You're teaching them to ignore their own needs in order to please others when the others might not even care. Same as when they go to the supermarket and see kids on the ride on machines, or eating over priced ice cream at the circus or whatever the situation. Kids are surrounded by that day and daily it's a normal and natural part of life that we need to help them learn to regulate in the midst of.

Obviously this is nuanced and noone should be setting out to deliberately harm others, or be overly selfish in any relationship etc. But you could take that to a crazy extreme in either direction.

It's not my job to limit my child's opportunities be they big or small, incase you then need to help your child manage their emotions around that, nor would I be raising my child to make themselves smaller in order to please others. I don't think that goes any way to fostering resilience but it does promote really unhealthy ideals in relationships and friendships.

Because getting a slushie when everyone is having squash (even if you're paying for it) is tacky AF

I can explain it to you, I can't understand it for you. My DC literally would not bat an eyelid.

Some of these things are really non issues.

Because all of what you’ve just said is incredibly selfish and you need to teach your child to be able to look at the bigger picture and take into account the the thoughts and feelings of others!

You are the parent OP is finding difficult and I’m inclined to agree 🤦🏼‍♀️

In this example you could maybe see how you treating your child differently may impact the other parents? Yes they can just say no, but if you hadn’t allowed it in the first place they wouldn’t all be needing to then do damage control.

It's not about you though is it? We have to live alongside your spoilt little brat, that's the actual issue.

Nothing wrong with the child asking, up to the parents to say yes or no..

As a parent it wouldn’t bother me what another parent chooses to buy their child. A birthday party where there are slushies, is very likely a public place where they are sold.

What on earth are you talking about.
I say no to my kids plenty, about things I care about and rules I put in place.
What I won’t do is enforce your arbitrary rules on my child so that you don’t have to say no or parent yours. It’s not my job to make your rules easier to enforce.

I think if you are a birthday party and are not had birthday child, then no you shouldn’t get your parents to buy you special stuff that nobody else is getting.

If it is a random day in soft play, fill your boots.

It's really not, sad you can't see this. Imagine if everyone said no to their kids having a cellphone before age 16 and what a different, better world we would create for our children (as one example where people feel they have to follow the pack). But generally you saying no creates a shitty brat that impacts the general enjoyment for everyone else. My DC and I do alot of classes, and have done since they were a baby, every class be has one little shit kid that ruins it for all the other kids, the parents and the teacher - all because the parent never says no.

So it’s ok for adults to have whatever drink they like, but not for children to have separate drinks because some may kick off?

It seems all those saying “parents these days can’t say no” actually mean they want other parents to say no so that they can avoid saying no to their own children.

Because getting a slushie when everyone is having squash (even if you're paying for it) is tacky AF

You can’t really speak for all parents though. Others have already posted this wouldn’t bother them.

Does this mean no parent can give their child anything when they are near other children jic another child kicks off because they want what their child is having?

What’s wrong with a child having another cupcake after it’s been left over after everyone already had one?
Why is a parent not allowed to buy their child a slushie because other children are having squash?
If I’m at a kids party I’ll usually buy a coffee or a beer if it’s in a function room, why would I not let my child pick they drink they want at a party when it’s at my cost?
It’s rules for the sake of rules and being arbitrarily hardline isn’t necessarily better.

I would very much like to see an example of the 'children professionals' who say you must always praise children and never say negative things?

I'm going through some training at the moment and this is what we are being told. This is coming from the government, believe it or not.

Because all of what you’ve just said is incredibly selfish and you need to teach your child to be able to look at the bigger picture and take into account the the thoughts and feelings of others!

You are the parent OP is finding difficult and I’m inclined to agree 🤦🏼‍♀️

In this example you could maybe see how you treating your child differently may impact the other parents? Yes they can just say no, but if you hadn’t allowed it in the first place they wouldn’t all be needing to then do damage control.