To think that most parents find saying ‘no’ to children very difficult?

@Sharptonguedwoman The slushie thing -no- because it's a pain for those who don't want their child to have a slushie for whatever reason. The child already has a drink.

Well exactly, so the problem clearly isn’t other parents not being able to say no, it’s you.

The friend thing isn’t a great example either. Your friend clearly didn’t want to sit and discuss her cancer or she would have. You don’t get to be the only one to dictate how conversations go. She chose to bring her child for whatever reason, that doesn’t mean the child should be ignored in the corner. Everyone needs to share time and the spotlight, adults included not simply kids.
Perhaps if your friend isn’t engaging in the conversation you want, think about whether it’s what they want.

It's a waste of food unless you are absolutely sure the child will eat it. To just eat the icing isn't great. Eyes bigger than belly kind of not great.

The slushie thing -no- because it's a pain for those who don't want their child to have a slushie for whatever reason. The child already has a drink.

Went for coffee with a mate a couple of years ago. She brought her 9 yr old who insisted that his mother played Uno with him all the time we were having coffee. She was distracted and I couldn't ask her about important things like her cancer treatment. I don't think she was using him as protection in case I did ask but who knows. I was extremely concerned for her welfare as she has cancer. Bring the child, fine. With a Nintendo or a book and they sit quietly and don't interrupt parents frequently.

We all have our own boundaries for sure but I cannot bear bad manners.

It’s really not hard to understand that different parents parent differently. You can’t seem to grasp that.

If you want us to ‘reassure’ you (🤭) you’re a better parent than them, we will, but I expect most people don’t actually have a problem with saying no, you’ve just collated a few examples into one place and it’s skewing things for you. Or you’re feeling a bit insecure and need a bolster.

I’m sure you’re doing fine. Keep on with the boundaries, it’s probably the best way.

As the party organiser, the kids aren’t going to ask their parents. They are going to clamour around me, and I’m going to be faced with 25 children also wanting an £8 slushy, plus mine feeling hard done by because Violet Beauregard is swanning around with a massive fancy drink.

My kids wouldn’t ask the party organiser for anything other than what’s on offer at the party. They might ask me if we’re at a place where slushies are on sale and if I was ok with them having one we’d get it on the way home. If other kids see and ask their parents it’s really not my issue.

I also really wouldn’t be bothered by the whole cup cake thing, if everyone has had one, and there’s one left. Licking the icing off is pretty standard child behaviour.

My kids are past play date age now but there’s no way they’d have been playing upstairs while their friend hung around with me and pesters me for stuff or for the tv. My kids would be directed to play something everyone could do and their friend would be directed to go and play.

It’s not my job to set boundaries for my kids so that another parent doesn’t need to say no to their child if they choose. Sometimes my kids will get what they ask for, sometimes not. Sometimes they’ll get what their friend gets, sometimes not.

I can only speak for my own circumstances, sometimes it’s not worth the battle.

It took us 7 attempts to get a tshirt on my (ND) stepson yesterday. 7 kicks to the face.

If he wants an icy drink, and that’s the only thing he’ll have, he needs to be hydrated and I’m not taking meltdown 7626161 of the day on the off chance someone gets “smug” otherwise.

You've got no idea why someone else might not make the same decisions you do. Maybe they’re feeling generous, maybe they don’t think it’s an issue, maybe they cba having whatever number battle they’re on for that day.

We should all focus on raising our own kids, and far less on what other people are doing with theirs. Like someone else said, I’d rather be occasionally lenient than be a dick.

@Isitreallysohard Apparently it really is that hard to understand 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️

I think you mean not a dick, and agreed - being judged for not parenting the exact way someone else does is fairly dick level behaviour.

Smug because your kid drinks squash?

I mean. Each to their own. There are some things in life that aren’t that deep, a child having a slushy is probably one of them.

If you judge someone or feel smug because they are happy to make a different decision to you that’s totally on you. I couldn’t imagine doing that based on one short interaction with someone, but then I’m a dick.

You have totally missed the point 😒 go back and read the thread. Why would you think your inferior parents would make people feel insecure, they'd either just judge you silently or feel smug.

@Hodgemollar Its called social etiquette 🤦🏼‍♀️

It isn’t so much problem saying no though it seems to be more a lack of parenting.

this thread has made me realise that parenting has changed even since I had mine (16/12) and that parenting young children in the 2020s is different to when I did.

DD didn’t have access to an IPad until she was 6 (when we got one) and neither me nor DH had Smartphones similar time. DS first saw one at 3 - I mean TikTok is younger than them. So for me the phone obsession started really as a teen for DD and a tween for DS so most of my parental boundaries have been put in place. The kids themselves put a no electronics on when we eat out or have special family meals (not every night) and ur it to chat and play games - because that is how it has always been

And yet you haven’t explained anything other than apparently the only acceptable thing for kids to do is follow the crowd.
Sorry if you’re so insecure in your own parenting that you need others to adjust theirs so you can avoid saying no, but that’s on you. I’m not the one who feels the need to rant about kids being spoilt, adult you hate or other nasty comment. You’re the only one doing that, if that’s the behaviour you model then crack on.
I will make decisions for my child that I’m happy with and I’m not going to factor you into that. It’s weird that offends you.

I don’t care that my child wants a slushie in an open cafe. If I think they’ve been well behaved, I’m happy to spend the money and they aren’t demanding it then I will get it for them. I don’t do it because I’m afraid of their reaction if I say no, nor do I say no because another parent doesn’t have the conviction to hold their own boundaries.

DS2 is the same. He would ask us not anyone else. He asks us if he can have more of what is already offered at parties. He likes us to go to parties with him. He does the same at home even though he is welcome to help himself except when it comes to junk food.

Perfectly put.
I find it so odd that other posters don't see the issue with the slushy thing, thought I was going mad.

I do what I’ve already said upthread.

I say no to mine because I don’t have an issue with doing so and explain why. As I said several times, I don’t care what other parents choose to buy or give their children. If another parent buys their child a slushie, cupcake, whatever I’m not going to care and even more likely not going to notice because I’m more concentrated on the behaviour of my own and if he is having fun.

It is not my job to tell a parent what they can and can’t buy their child. They have their boundaries and rules, and I have mine. I may not agree with theirs, the same way they may not agree with mine, still not my business unless their child touches mine.

🤣🤣 I think the thread has been proven! And consequently derailed.

The fact that there are quite a few adults here unable to read a situation is mind boggling! It also explains so much.

My kids aren’t the ones having a meltdown because they know that if we go to soft play for a party vs soft play with a small group of friends vs soft play as a family, each comes with slightly different social cues.
Not rocket science…or so I thought!

Likewise, TV time on a play date vs weekday vs weekend etc all have different social cues. It really isn’t that complicated.

The slushy thing as I said earlier is tacky AF @LemondrizzleShark was much more articulate than I. I actually do have a family member who would think nothing of inviting themselves over and only buying themselves a Takeaway. Guess who we all hate and who is all alone now as 50yo woman? That's what these kids grow up to be.

My DC wouldn't even think of asking for a slushy if all their friends were having squash, they wouldn't even notice it. If this is something yours would do then that's exactly the problem. Like I said I can explain it to you, I can't understand it for you.

Agree with all the pp saying that that there's probably an element of not wanting to cause a scene. One of my DC has a habit of going nuclear if you use the word 'no' too many times in quick succession. It's a bit like shaking a bottle of coke (and yes before you ask he has been referred to have this looked into).

So whe we're out and about I would tend to pick my battles and save using 'no' for things that are actually unsafe, violent or damaging. I have no doubt it looks like weak parenting, but I find the people that judge that would be equally judgy about public meltdowns so there's no winning.

My children wouldn't ever ask anyone organizing a party for a slushie, they'd ask me. And whether or not I allowed it would be a massively nuanced thing, and not a worry of being tacky. Almost entirely down to his temperature and hydration actually because overheating and dehydrating are both seizure trigger for him so ice lollies and cold drinks are pretty liberally allowed. That's my eldest. My youngest wouldn't ask, she only drinks milk and water and is horrified by colourful or fizzy drinks.

And your child won’t be harmed by the realisation that all children and families are different, have different rules and they can’t always have what someone else does.
It sounds like a good life lesson really. If they struggle to cope with that you might need to work on it.

I'm totally mind blown 🤯

You do realise why some people have main character syndrome, reading some of this.