To think that most parents find saying ‘no’ to children very difficult?

But isn't the point the kid kicks off became they're used to getting their own way? I appreciate I'm basing this on my DC and the children I know, but there would be no scenario where a child would even want a slushie, and in the unlikely scenario they did ask for one, it would be a simple no and that would be that.

I can give you an example, the other day we were in a shop and overhead a mother tell her children the toys weren't for sale, and we had a laugh about that. My friends aunt then said in her day "you'd just say no you can't have that". This is purposely what I do, my DC will say mum can I have an icecream, and I will say no, not today. All I'm saying it's good to say no, because once you're an adult you'll hear it an awful lot.

Okay, so genuine question.

If it’s a birthday party and child wants a slushy, there are 10-15 other kids there.

Do you want the parent to say no, so child doesn’t “get their own way,” and therefore you’ll have to observe the kick off?

Or do you want them to say yes, so the birthday child’s event isn’t “spoiled” by a disregulated child?

There’s no win here. The child either gets a drink that they want, which is hardly life or death, or apparently everyone has deal with the consequences.

Like I said in my original reply. Some things are absolute no’s. Choices of beverage aren’t one of them, it’s not that big of a deal and certainly not always worth the fall out. Sometimes, kids can have what they want.

I have no trouble saying no (though I had a mum who did). But you don’t have to say no to everything. I don’t care sometimes if my child eats the last cupcake (someone has to, that’s why I made them). I don’t care sometimes if kids watch tv or a movie on a play date (grown ups have friends over to watch a movie all the time). I have no trouble saying no to things I generally need to say no to, but I also know how to unclench. There is a difference between being uptight and being rude.

I know the quote wasn't from you, but that was what you were referring to in your comment (sorry forgot to quote it). People judge because badly behaved kids because they ruin it for everyone else eg When the kid starts kicking off when they can't get a slushy at birthday party ... because they are always used to getting their own way because they don't hear no. Imagine what the adult version of this will be. If it didn't affect us we wouldn't care.

That quote wasn’t from me.

I think that parents should do less judging of one another, generally.

It’s not up to me how firm you are with your children, and it’s not up to you to decide when others should give in.

Someone rolled their eyes at me on holiday, for preventing an autistic child from running in the road. We get the occasional tut.

This may be a different kind of judgment we’re talking about, but it’s symptomatic of the same issue - people taking parental superiority which is absolutely needless.

@SleeplessInWherever Context is key. PP was saying people are feeling insecure due to her poor parenting, I said it would be more likely they'd be feeling smug.
Sorry if you’re so insecure in your own parenting that you need others to adjust theirs so you can avoid saying no, but that’s on you
This doesn't even make sense as I am saying parents need to learn to say no, not avoid saying no 🤦🏼‍♀️

Also it's not about the slushy, it's about behaviour and social etiquette, and teaching your kids to be decent human beings where they can't always get what they want and the world doesn't revolve around them. So yes of course people will judge, as they should.

Agree with all of this.

All push boundaries as kids do but they learned early on that mum isn’t going to cave when she says no. It was also not placating them for an easy life or to keep them quiet all the time. It wasn’t easy and some lessons took longer than others (definitely did with our autistic son) but we got there in the end.

a young child at one assumes either a soft play or trampoline type place seeing a slushy and asking for it isn’t rude or entitled as long as if the answer is a no it is accepted politely - they are there for a reason to make money!
neither is asking for the last cake.

it is never the asking (if polite) that is an issue is it? Other wise parenting becomes a mess of mixed messages that also screws children up!

As I have said things seem to have changed so parenting is diametrically opposed and compromise needs to be reached

it wasn’t like this 10 years ago

Which? Because I think they are all quite rude and entitled behaviours that should be refused by the parent.

@Spinmerightroundbaby but there is also a difference between tantrum for the toy and relenting and a tantrum over something else and still getting the toy.

Children are prone to not being able to handle emotions/tiredness/hunger and get overwhelmed. If mine did that over something else and I had promised a treat beforehand I would not put them together

I’ve just read the examples you’ve provided. I stand by my response but the specific examples you’ve given don’t really sound so terrible to be honest. You weren’t talking about bad behaviour per se, just different family rules.

The constant interruption via role play - for me that one is a bit dependent on the age of the child as to whether that’s negative behaviour that should be nipped in the bud. If it’s a 2-4 year old, they don’t do well on their own for long and need to be more part of things. If we are talking 6,7,8 that’s different.

the drink thing is super annoying but that’s part of life, you always get one! For all you know it might have been an agreed reward if the child behaved at the event. It’s like if you go to the beach, some parents will buy ice cream and some won’t.

No YANBU, you are refreshing! It’s a huge relief to know someone out there who also says no. I’ve seen this quite a lot as well, where parents cannot say no to their children. I’m not sure if it is associated with gentle parenting but so many parents are less gentle and more permissive.

Children are increasingly becoming CEOs to their parents and it’s ugly to watch it happen. It’s also difficult when your own child is with one of these parents as they don’t understand why you say no and they don’t and then they will also try it on and behave less well with those parents.

I agree that sometimes, it is a case of ‘choosing battles’ and sometimes I do say yes or let things slide when I probably should say no. I’m not afraid to say no when it really counts though and some parents won’t. I’ve seen children behave horribly, throwing tantrums and then asking for toys in a gift shop at the end of the day. For me, that would be a hard no, due to the child’s negative behaviour. Many parents are embarrassed of making a scene and give in due to that fear. Personally I’d prefer to feel embarrassed by a one off tantrum than to have the child as the boss of me for the rest of their natural life… I remember once my child shouting and demanding a treat from me. I refused based on the way I was being spoken to which led to more screaming. I stuck to my guns. After that, I had requests but not demands!

@Mumbletoomuch

The butting in & talking over adults already talking drives me INSANE!

I'm a Primary School Teacher & I spend half my day saying, "Wait, please - I'm talking to.... right now." They often do it to 2 adults having a conversation but countless times a day to an adult conversing with another child - they literally keep saying your name or get in your face & start talking when they can clearly see you already talking to/helping one of their classmates! If I have to tell them more than once, they get 'the hand' & 'the glare' - I ignore them & continue talking to the child I was already engaged with. 😡

Don’t crack. It’s so much easier in the long run if you’re stronger initially 🤷🏼‍♀️
Each subsequent child learns from the one before so you just have to be prepared to know what you agree to. Don’t say no if you’re going to cave, essentially you’re just saying ‘no, but keep whining and it’ll eventually mean yes’

I say no to my children a lot but some of you may never ave encountered a child who takes no as a challenge to get you to say yes! Sometimes I crack.

If I had only had my eldest I would be the perfect parent as he is an easy and obedient child. No 2 and 3, not so much!

Correct. Many parents are terrible parents, you only have to look at how their children turn out to see that.

I said no to my children. I had one school mum ‘friend’ who would constantly try to override it - offering to pay for things or telling me to “let them have fun”. No. They didn’t need to go on and do all of these things when I had already said no.

I didn’t say no to everything of course, my children learned that whining got them nothing, and I always told them “I want doesn’t get”.

Another situation I had, was picking some food up in Sainsbury’s. My 2 year old had already had a snack that day and I was literally picking up essentials. I had told him this before we went in but of course, he’s 2, so asking for this, that and the other. I said “no” explained why again, and just kept saying “not today” calmly etc. Two separate people came up to me and said kudos to you for telling your child no. This was 15 years ago - I was a rarity then!

I think all of that is vary fair tbh.

"If she didn't want to meet me, she could have made an excuse. "

It sounds to me like she really, really did want to meet you, she's just juggling a lot.

In fairness I can see its jarring when you're expecting one thing from a meet up, and then a child is there and you get a very different experience. I would always give a wee check that if I'm meeting someone they're happy for ds to come too (because I have noone else to mind him) or before we had to move I'd suggest they come round after his bedtime if they want a proper chat. Just so they knew what to expect.

Yes, sorry I got lost in the subsequent discussion.

She was half there, she was half was playing Uno.

Child wants huge monster slushy at a birthday party, when the hosts have provided squash? Of course. Many other children then start whining at their parents for the same? Of course

What the OP said.

This is exactly what OP said. Squash was provided. Entitled child/parent got an upgrade.

We had a cheerful conversation and they played Uno.

So she didn’t ignore you at all then?

He was though. He and mum played Uno throughout our conversation. I wanted to meet and support my friend, not have a diagnostic medical session. I won't do it again and I should have joined in but I was so surprised I didn't.
If she didn't want to meet me, she could have made an excuse. We had a cheerful conversation and they played Uno.