To think that most parents find saying ‘no’ to children very difficult?

I think most of Your examples are trivial and inconsequential (except the interrupting). Jane’s Dad buys a slushee and you want one Tommy? Eh no. I am ok with you feeling jealous/hard done by and am happy to sit with your anger towards me saying no. If Jane’s parents but her a jaguar are you expecting the same?

Yeah OP most of your examples are just trivial and sound like people being out of the ordinary. I will let my children eat and drink things if it is a birthday. Due to the amount of sugar they have consumed and how excited they are I am more likely to let things slide a bit that I wouldn’t at home. But I would discuss my expectations of behaviour before I go in and if it hasn’t gone well have a discussion and possibly consequences when we get
home. So YOU haven’t seen my no or me parenting situations but it doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.

agree with you on screens - that is lazy parenting and no good can come of it. We took all iPads and tablets away 6 months ago and it’s certainly made my loft more difficult in many respects but it’s lessened the cheekiness massively and I have seen a vast improvement in attention span, creativity and imaginative play kids age 6 and 4

This makes no sense at all, my kids definitely learn empathy and compromise by the sheer fact we as parents CANT accommodate 2 sets of requests even if we wanted to. They compromise all the live long day. Their only children friends come round and their parents are laser focused on that child's needs and wants which is not possible with more than 1. You also get more used to telling your child no when the person impacted is your other child. Because the idea in the op that just saying he's all the time keeps them quiet doesn't work when one wants to play on the garden and the other wants to go to the park.

Why would having a sibling mean they aren't compromising with people they aren't related to? They still have the same friends and playdates as an only

I sat no plenty but some of those examples are odd.

Like, I'd have said no to the second cupcake but in the instance where someone gives my child a cupcake and they only eat the icing how would you expect to proceed? You can't forcefed the cupcake.

Playdates with TV, we don't do this but if it goes on for a couple of hours after school and everyone starts getting ratty but me and my friends/their mums are still chatting we'll turn the telly on for a bit while we put the world to rights and get shoes on.

The slushy at parties thing kept coming up, so we resolved that with a bit of a group plan that slushies are only purchased on the way home if having them.

Talking to kids when also talking to other parents. ... Age dependant to me, so my 3 yr old I'll approach differently to my 7 yr old. But kids and parenting responsibility still exists even if I want to chat to an adult so even kids friends parents if we want a proper adult chat we'll arrange a coffee after school drop off if we're off work that day or an evening meet up without kids. It's not role playing with kids but someone's always falling over, got a picture to show us, got beef with a pal they want to tell on etc. Who wants to chat about menopause and school gossip or whatever on the middle of that?

What?! The only children I know are much better behaved than kids with more than one child. Probably because they are used to compromising with others that they're not related to?

Think it goes beyond kids.

look at the posts on here - so many women utterly unable to put their needs first and say no to mil, friends, dh , parents , bosses etc.

Not saying ever put yourself in danger with abusive people - but everyone needs to set appropriate boundaries with other people and learn to say ‘no’ when it doesn’t suit.

parenting most definitely needs boundaries and rules and sometimes that does mean saying ‘no’ if you can’t do this when there are little so they learn that parents set the parameters - the teen years are going to be hellish.

learning to respect yourself and say ‘no’ is an essential adult skill but I think as women we are too often conditioned into bring nice and subservient to others that so many don’t learn how to do it.

’no’ isn’t being selfish or unkind - it’s setting appropriate boundaries that are so needed.

Exactly, it is hard and why so many parents can't be bothered

🙄

This. I say no about 100 times a day to my 4yo. Sometimes I feel quite bad about it! In saying that I was on a playdate yesterday and the other child is so badly behaved, that mother also says no but there's zero follow up. So you need to say no and mean it. I had to tell her child to stop doing something and he just looked at me in amusement. No means nothing to that kid.

Every situation, child and parent are different it’s unreasonable to judge it as a general thing. If you have specific friendships/ situations that impact on you then take a step back from them.
Also if you have children you say no to and they just accept that congratulations you have easy going children.

Never had a problem saying no when it's a bad idea, but you pick your battles.

And I don't see anything wrong with children being allowed an opinion over certain things. Overly authoritarian parenting can be extremely damaging. My parents were born in the 1930s and even they thought that, being far more chilled out as parents than the parenting they had received.

Parent your children how you wish (try not to break them). When it comes to how others parent theirs: if you don't like the children/parents your child is spending time with then stop seeing them/arranging play dates/parties with them. Moreover, you can absolutely call out a child's inappropriate behaviour with their parent - just don't do it in front of the children or in front of other parents (no one likes being told they are doing something wrong at the best of times, let alone with an audience!). Be polite, be reasonable, and provide a solution as well as the problem. And expect that you will get pushback - and likely some prompted correction of your own parenting/social skills.

From 3 year olds up to 15 they know no means no hence no spoilt tantrums, and tbh when it's a yes they appreciate it even more. We rarely have to say no because the old adage if you ask you don't get stands with us aswell lol. They know if we have the money we will get it and if we don't then don't ask anyway. If your given juice then that's what's available not a whole beverage trial for them

He is an only child but I'm not - I still think that by that logic, noone eats it incase someone else wants it and it goes to waste. I come from a bigger family and rules were that as long as you wait until everyone's had a first serving equally then the rest is fair game for first come first served, if you missed out then you should have spoken up. Same rules applied at every bbq or youth event with food I've ever run or seen run. To me it's better than wasted food. And I do promote sharing and empathy in loads of other ways.

This has got to be an only child? I wonder if that’s what’s changing parenting? The average amount per family is 1.something so the child is able to be more selfish simply because they don’t need to not.
We had a similar situation with the cupcake with my nephew, he couldn’t see any reason why he couldn’t have the last one. It didn’t cross his mind that anyone else was no more or less entitled to it than himself.

100% and it’s getting progressively worse.

Im not sure if it’s the lack of ability to say no or just that the boundaries are very lax/seemingly nonexistent. Children appear to be given a choice far more frequently than before.

I see so many parents asking the child’s opinion on things that should be instilled. Far younger than is reasonable. I work with children and I’ve noticed a massive downturn in the last couple of years.
Parents unable to herd their children inside/to the car etc. (They’re 2, pick them up!)
Or parents having to ask the opinion of a 7yr old over different changes in schedule (Who will be driving the car?)

Unsurprisingly, things children choose not to do are declining… potty training age is at an all time high, healthy eating habits are at an all time low, avoidance behaviour and anxiety are seen from extremely young ages. It’ll be interesting how bad it gets before it goes full circle. I wonder if these kids with minimal parenting and guidance will go to the opposite extreme as parents themselves or continue the trend?

I Think it’s just a case of different people picking different battles. I have no problem saying no, but I only say it when I have a good reason for it. I don’t see the point of saying no for the sake of it. Equally I expect my kids to understand that different parents have different rules according to what works for their family and I don’t care how much screen time/sweets/freedom/pocket money their mate is allowed.

I wasn't there either but usually party venues = huge slushies.

Exactly, it's necessary but it's also hard and tiring and you do have to pick your fights. When you've got a child that argues and negotiates everything it's really tough constantly trying to maintain appropriate lines. The children themselves veer wildly between justified and robust challenge and basically just strops and it's a job trying to figure out which is which.

Is your DS an only child?

Thank you for posting this. I think this often. It drives me absolutely mad.

I did not know that the party was at of venue. I was not there.

The party venue? I imagine the parent just went up to the counter at bought it.

Where did the giant monster slush come from, if the parent was serving "squash?"

in my early 20’s I got a job looking after 3 boys aged 2,4 and 5. They were the most badly behaved boys. The parents didn’t say no to them and they could do what they wanted. I lasted 2 days before saying I couldn’t look after them anymore as they just didn’t listen or do as they were told. The middle boy at age 17 beat to death a 15 year old boy. And the other 2 boys are drug addicts with a number of petty offences.
This family were middle class, a 2 parent family, lived in a massive house, lovely furniture and every comfort. The parents worked 8-7 5 days a week, and the parents gave the children everything they asked for, they hardly saw the children in the week and felt guilty so tried to over compensate and this was the result.

Nor me, saying no makes the yes ocassions more significant too, imho.