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AIBU?

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Original poster

DC and dinner?

36 replies

Frankie33 · 06/07/2025 19:22

DS 22 and add 20 both at university and home for holidays.

DS works most weekends, DD went to her friends. We rarely all eat together. DH has been out all day playing football.

DS is quite a fussy eater, I sometimes get food in that I know he likes then he will order a takeaway and the food goes to waste.

For various reasons all sitting down to dinner creates arguments. So I've stopped trying to do a Sunday roast and DS hours are unpredictable so he could be home at 7pm or 9.30pm.

Also depending on the day, sometimes want healthy food, sometimes junk

I have spend the day cleaning, washed both their bedding and cleaned their rooms.
They have both arrived home and said "what's for dinner?"

I said "there is nothing in" and now they have the hump.

Also I will text DS what do you want for dinner and if he replies I get it or sometimes he doesn't reply.

DD will say "I don't mind"

AIBU to have nothing to feed my kids today ???

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 06/07/2025 19:53

I think... that you are unreasonable to have nothing in the house in this situation, yeah. I'm not saying that you necessarily should have to shop and cook for them - I don't know what your arrangements are re. board, finances etc - but that is the situation you are in and this is like suddenly shifting the goalposts. I would sort food for them now but then sit them down and say ok kids, as of (say) Monday 14th July you will be buying and cooking your own meals.

  • Caveat: I'm reading this as there being literally nothing in that they could make a meal from. If there is food (dried pasta, jarred sauce, frozen things, whatever) but just not the food they would prefer, then YANBU at all!
Yourethebeerthief · 06/07/2025 19:53

I’d have been embarrassed for myself behaving like that at 20.

People are probably voting you’re being unreasonable for putting up with their ungrateful behaviour.

gingercat02 · 06/07/2025 19:50

I haven't voted, but I do think there should be food in for THEM to cook for themselves.
Sounds like you have spoiled them, even if you don't work they are fully grown adults who should be able to fend for themselves. You are their mum, not their servant. Don't clean their rooms!
Keep food in the freezer or tins or vacuum packed so it doesn't go off if they can't be bothered.
My 17yo will be cooking for the family one night a week when the summer hols kick in.

LadyKenya · 06/07/2025 19:46

Cleaning their bedrooms, and wasting good food. Leave them to it.

Hodgemollar · 06/07/2025 19:45

Frankie33 · 06/07/2025 19:37

I know but they both do work hard in their jobs and I don't work. But I'm sick of buying food and then they go out and I end up throwing it or I get the wrong thing.

When they were little we always had a home cooked dinner and eat it together. Sundays especially were our dinner day.

But I feel bad there is nothing here for them to eat, but should I be responsible now?

DDs boyfriend comes from a big Greek family and they always have lovely dinners together. My DS hates us sitting down together and always ends in rows. Just makes me feel sad I guess

Personally I think if you have someone living with you for a few months having food in the house is a necessity, cleaning their room on the other hand is ridiculous.
Have a decent amount of food in the cupboard or freezer that will keep and if they don’t want to sort themselves out on nights they aren’t making a family meal then they can go and get their own food.

Original poster
Frankie33 · 06/07/2025 19:41

And 14% have said I'm being unreasonable, can I ask why??

OP posts:
Original poster
Frankie33 · 06/07/2025 19:37

I know but they both do work hard in their jobs and I don't work. But I'm sick of buying food and then they go out and I end up throwing it or I get the wrong thing.

When they were little we always had a home cooked dinner and eat it together. Sundays especially were our dinner day.

But I feel bad there is nothing here for them to eat, but should I be responsible now?

DDs boyfriend comes from a big Greek family and they always have lovely dinners together. My DS hates us sitting down together and always ends in rows. Just makes me feel sad I guess

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 06/07/2025 19:26

Don’t clean their rooms and don’t wash their bedding.

if you absolutely have to cook for them get a rock sheet for each day and they have to tick by 4pm whether they want dinner for that day. No tick no food.

Hodgemollar · 06/07/2025 19:24

Why on earth are you cleaning the bedroom’s of adults in their 20s?

You’re creating your own problem. You can’t moan that they’re ungrateful and demanding about dinner but then change their dirty sheets and clean their bedroom like they’re 3!

mumofsisi · 06/07/2025 19:24

They're old enough to feed themselves

Gemmawemma9 · 06/07/2025 19:23

Your kids? They’re 20 and 22. Why are you tidying their bedrooms and cooking their tea?

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