WIBU that I didn't want to drive 80 miles, and 2 hours to see my girlfriend for an hour before she left for a 3 week road trip?

Sounds like you’re both being really inflexible. Clearly she was hoping to see you one last time before her holiday and had been looking forward to that. If i was 4 months into my relationship i think myself and my boyfriend would have traveled in a situation like this. Now, a few years in, we probably wouldn’t as things have settled down and it’s not that exciting new relationship time. I’m surprised that after your sports you weren’t feeling energetic enough to whip round and see her and give her a good send off. She’s probably reconsidering your potential as a long term partner.

This made me think of when David beckham drove 4 hrs to see Victoria for 20 mins….
doesn’t sound like you’re that interested in each other.

It is against the flow here but

You are being expected to do a lot of the running about here, whilst she gets to call all of the shots.

She has moved the date so she can go away early.
She wanted you to go to her for a hour (which may be less depending on traffic) and you could well be ending up spending most of that packing her car up.
She says that you could have not bothered with your sport, so you miss out again.

Is she usually this demanding and lets face it controlling?
Does she miss out on anything for you?
How often does she some to yours?
What effort is she putting in?

She could have stayed and seen him for another two days if she was that arsed?

I think she felt put out you didn't make the effort to go see her because that's what's portrayed in films.
Reality is different and you did nothing wrong. She's taken the hump. She seems childish. I'd be ditching her.

Too much drama for 4 months. Just break up.

If it's this tit for tat at 4 months.. do yourselves a favour & end it. It won't get better.

You should still be in the "honeymoon" phase not trying to score points on who should have done what & playing games "respecting wishes" to not text at all for 3 weeks, you know that's not what she meant!

I definitely wouldn't have taken her last message as 'don't contact me for 3 weeks'. I think it's more honest, that you are wanting to make a point here. Don't let this fester for 3 weeks, until it's blown out of all proportion. Text her 'OK, we'll discuss once you're home. Hope you arrived safely and have a fantastic time'. It's a case of you behaving like an adult, rather than being childish. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person. I don't think you were being unreasonable, you didn't want to travel and then back, to see your girlfriend for an hour. As your girlfriend wasn't catching a flight, and is driving, her leaving at 8 am, so you could stay over was a reasonable compromise on your part. She didn't want to compromise, and just wanted you to do what she wanted.

I've been with my DH for 33 years, and I would still drive an hour just to spend 5 minutes with him,

Don’t be ridiculous, no you wouldn’t.

When is the last time you did this?

This is ridiculous. Why do you have such unrealistic expectations of men?

Is your DH was an hour away for a meeting, and he rang to ask you to drive a two hour round trip to have a quick coffee with him to stop him getting bored, you’d do so?

Things can change so fast in life, loved ones must come first and foremost. Diogo is fresh in our minds, never got chance to say goodbye and now it's too late. It isn't too late for you to send her a message saying you love her and take care. Tomorrow it may be too late and you'll just have regrets.
Put her first and you last. Don't be selfish, don't be pig headed life's too short. Nothing wrong ever being the first one to back down.

YANBU to not want to do the drive.

YABU that you took "I don't want to do this whilst on vacation" and saw that as "don't speak to me at all".

She literally meant I do not want to talk about this subject. We can talk about anything else but we can talk about what happened when I'm back. I don't want this argument spoiling my time away.

For five minutes? Why?

Why should s/he have? The girlfriend could’ve left later.

So tweak that very good suggestion from @BearyNiceEars.

‘Hey, I’ve obviously been thinking about your message, and yeah of course let’s talk when you’re back. Have a great vacation.’

Something like that.

Eh? He's ‘not that into her’ because he doesn’t want to do a an 80 minute round journey to see her for 60 minutes? Who would even ask their partner to do that?

If you're going to play silly games OP, ie, 'I think at this point both of us are digging in and refusing to be the first to text', then just end the relationship, as it obviously doesn't mean that much to you. However, I don't think you were that unreasonable not to go, if the baseball is something that you need to attend every time, so as not to lose your place on the team, but if it would have made no difference, then I think you should have gone.

Oh, and just to give you an idea of what a committed relationship looks like, I've been with my DH for 33 years, and I would still drive an hour just to spend 5 minutes with him, and he'd do the same!

My boyfriend lives 45 miles (1.25hrs) drive from me.

I absolutely would (and have) driven the 2.5hr round trip, often getting back at midnight to go for a coffee with him. He's done the same for me.

That's without adding a 3 week trip away.

So yes I would be hurt if you chose not to come & see me if I was going away as it didn't perfect suit you.

You could have skipped basketball and she could have left a bit later. The fact you haven’t replied to her text isn’t you respecting her wishes it’s you making a point and using “ respecting her wishes” as the cover. If you intend to not message each other for the entire 3 weeks you’re going to ruin her trip and probably signifies the end of the relationship.

I would drive an hour for 5 minutes with my boyfriend, especially if I wasn't going to see him for 3 weeks. How long have you been together?