WIBU that I didn't want to drive 80 miles, and 2 hours to see my girlfriend for an hour before she left for a 3 week road trip?

So she changes the plans, won’t accommodate his reasonable requests about leaving in the middle of the night but he is the one who has to rearrange his prearranged sports to accommodate her?

I feel sorry for my three sons and hope my daughter doesn’t grow up to be this entitled.

Guys get a very hard hand sometimes

Yanbu.
You offered a reasonable compromise and she didn't want it.
I wouldn't let it lie for the whole time though and send her a message just saying you hope she's having a great time and being safe.
Texts are the worst way to communicate proper conversations imo as cant hear tone so I think had you rang and chatted on the phone it might have been different.

Interesting you think he is struggling for power, and not the GF.
Why could she not have altered her plans to accomodate someone having an alright night of sleep rather than drive, be woken up in the middle of the night and then have a rubbish day being tired.
I thin the dunamics is that we have a lil princess here who expects to be served and driven to, but makes little effort herself, at least OP knows now.

No you wouldnt. And I wouldnt either.

The more important question is how old OP and his GF is, because it seems they only just turned 18.

I genuinely can’t believe people are suggesting you should have done the drive. She changed plans last minute, she refused to compromise, she expected to snap her fingers and for you to come running. There no reason for her to leave that early , she’s making all these decisions on a whim and expects you to just fall in line. Is she always this demanding?

@ByPoisedCat

All this for someone you've been seeing 4 months?? And I'd say the same to her if she posted that YWBU not to drive to hers and then things devolved from there as they have.

What I or any other poster would have done in your situation is completely irrelevant. It's what YOU wanted to do that matters.

I think both of you need to step back and see if the other is really right for you. She thought you should cater to what she wanted. You didn't want to do what you didn't want to do. Both of those things are fine, but they don't go very well together, do they?

So spend this time apart thinking abou how the past 4 months have been in its totality. Be honest and 'brutal' with yourself. It may be that at this point there's not enough info for you to make a decision to stay or end, but at the very least you'll have your thoughts lined up in the back of your head and hopefully be watching how things unfold in the future. And again, I'd be telling her the same thing. It's not about who is right or wrong, it's whether you're truly compatible or if one of you would have to bend too far to keep the other happy or is too inflexible to bend at all.

She sounds very immature. She changed her plans then refused to accept the consequences of her actions. Then says you can’t talk about it until she’s back in 3 week?
Fuck that shit. There’s nothing good about the way she treats you. The bare minimum for a good relationship is mutual respect and compromise. No relation can be happy and last without this. She’s shown neither when in a good place in her life (ie off on 3 week holiday). What about if/when life shit hits the fan for one or both of you? Doesn’t sound like she’s give a toss about any of your issues, let alone provide unconditional love and support.
Walk away now. Everyone deserves better then this.

Fair enough. 😂

And now that I think about it, the fact that it didn’t give me the ick was the other half of that because I had shrugged off needy bfs in the past.

YANBU OP but your girlfriend is. She made out she was leaving at 3am, having already changed her travel date, but then didn't. You said you wouid have gone if she'd been leaving the next morning. If she was so keen to see you, why couldn't she have adjusted HER plans?

I wouldn't put up with someone that fickle.

YANBU to not go over there.

YANBU to have interpreted her last message the way you did, although personally I would be tempted to claim the moral high ground by just texting a cheery "OK then, have a good time and I'll talk to you when you get back."

YABVVU to be open about the fact that you play basketball rather than "doing your hobby" so that other posters can moan about the faux mysteriousness of it all.

Do you do that to see her for a single hour?

@ByPoisedCat YANBU about not going to see her before she left. You didn't change any arrangements - she did, and then wouldn't contemplate any compromises so you could see her before she went (and her not finally leaving until 11am was just rubbing salt into the wound!). However, YABU not to text her at all. It's clear her message was telling you she doesn't want to discuss your disagreement via text whilst she's on holiday, not that she doesn't want to hear from you at all, and I think you "digging in" to not be the first to text is rather childish. How would you feel if something happened to her whilst she's on holiday and the last thing she heard from you was careless silence? I think you should just send her a casual text asking where she's reached on the road trip and if she's enjoying it, and tell her what you've been doing for the last couple of days. Nice and casual, no big deal. If she doesn't reply then don't text her again (but I think she will).

Oh I notice there are a lot of male posters here! Have fun boys, I’m off to have supper with my lovely boyfriend so fill your boots x

Are you 15?I drive 2 hours min to see my mum and I’m not even shagging her. That’s what you do for someone you love, not text them. Twat.

Get a grip and let’s hope she dumps you, having met someone interested in her.

hapoy to help

I think she was probably just really stressing if she still needed to pack, and now its all out of proportion.

I agree. She isn't the one.

In our relationship of 30 plus years we would definitely do journeys of this length and more to be together a night before a 3 week separation. It's the pettiness and power struggling that is coming across in your posts that indicate it's not a full on comittment to each other. In most relationships partners don't think who will be more put out or who text last or what that might indicate. Not going because you will be woken up, well 4 months into a relationship the night before a 3 week separation isn't really for an unbroken night of sleep, is it.

To be fair, this would be hell to some people. If my partner drove for two hours to kiss me I’d thoroughly have the ick.

It’s great you’ve found what you want, but not everyone would like that degree of neediness and intensity.

It shouldn't be this weird power play.

Particularly after 4 months. Either communicate properly, or acceot the relationship works as a drama, not as a connection. "I felt you weren't prepared to compromise to make it possible for us to see each other before you left. I like you but don't want to be your whipping boy"

YANBU, but to be honest, I don’t think either of you are that into each other. At 4 months it’s should be all hearts and flowers.

It sounds like a relationship that’s run its course. When you’re more concerned about not being the first to blink, you’re with the wrong person.

At 4 months, dh drove a 2 hour round trip after a 16 hour flight to kiss me, before I left for work.

Go find the person that you want to drive out of your way for, feel lonely without, and don’t want to sleep without hearing her voice. And set her free to find the same.

She sounds like conceited, selfish princess to be honest

On the basis of what you said yanbu re the journey. I lived a similar distance from a BF once and he NEVER came over in the week in two years, because "it was too far". It did make me feel he wasn't that in to me tbh, but I'm assuming that's not the case here and it's a one off.

But definitely text asking about her holiday if you want to stay together. If we'd had that conversation and you didn't message for three weeks I'd assume we were broken up.

She sounds like a drama llama. She changed the plans not you, there was no need for her to leave at 3am and as it transpires she didn't! I think the compromise of you driving up and her setting off at 8 was reasonable.
Throw this one back OP it shouldn't be this much hassle.