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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU that I didn't want to drive 80 miles, and 2 hours to see my girlfriend for an hour before she left for a 3 week road trip?

109 replies

ByPoisedCat · 06/07/2025 18:27

Hey all, first post here. My girlfriend was leaving for vacation for three weeks. We were supposed to spend a couple days together before she left. Instead she decided to leave Thursday morning instead of Saturday so we never got those extra days together. I understood and was fine with that.

I play basketball from 6-8 every Wednesday which she knows about and she wanted me to come up after anyways. For reference she lives 40 miles away and it takes me an hour to get there. I explained to her that might be a little rough for me to drive one hour up there, spend an hour and drive an hour to get back home as I had to work the next day.

Since she was going on a road trip and was supposed to be leaving at 3 AM. Yes, I could have slept over and worked from her place. I didn't sleep over because I didn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night because when I do I have a hard time falling back to sleep. I suggested that she leaves at 8 AM that way I could stay over and she was not on board with that (the kicker is that she actually left at 11:00 the next morning because she overslept)

There was a little bit of going back-and-forth with text and it was generally "You could have skipped basketball, and my response was "You could have left at 8 AM, or you could have left a day later, or kept the original plan and left Saturday. and she’s like “ I’m not talking about this during my vacation and we will talk when I get home”

Since then, we haven’t texted in a couple days because I took her message as “leave me alone until I get back.”

TL:DR WIBU for not canceling my plans or not wanting to driving two hours to spend an hour with my girlfriend before she left for a 3 week road trip?

OP posts:
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Valeriekat · 26/01/2026 07:33
IdentifyingAsAWoollyMammoth · 25/01/2026 22:10

Zombie thread. Why do people resurrect these months old threads???

Astra53 · 25/01/2026 21:37

If you wanted to see each and time was tight then simply FaceTime or similar. My husband used to travel extensively for work. To stay connected he would take his laptop to dinner (if dining alone), put his earphones on and we would eat together via Teams. Apart but connected for a short while. Simples.

JustMeHello · 25/01/2026 20:57

This much drama 4 months in is just not worth it, imo. Surely at that point you should still be keen and enthusiastic. If a decent night's sleep before a three week separation is more important than a bit of time together, and then you're both also doubling down in being petty and not replying, then this doesn't sound like something that will last much longer.

mamaE123456 · 25/01/2026 20:36

You dont really seem into your girlfriend. Sounds like she’s a bit of an inconvenience to you. If this was me and this was the only time I’d see my husband before he went away I would 100% have missed basketball and travelled to see him.

CeffylCoch · 07/07/2025 20:11

If i was in a relationship with someone that didn’t contact me for 3 weeks I would assume it was over

Dearg · 07/07/2025 13:51

So at best she was blind to the effect that round trip midweek was going to have on you; at worst she simply didn’t care.

She doesn’t sound like a great catch to be honest.

Original poster
ByPoisedCat · 07/07/2025 13:15

BoudiccaRuled · 07/07/2025 07:01

Assuming you are American ("a couple days"), driving 80 miles is nothing. Just admit you don't like her and move on. You sound about 12.

I am American. I drive to her house all the time and 80 miles is nothing.

But it isn’t nothing on a Wednesday night when I wouldn’t get there till 930, I can only stay an hour, then have to drive another 40 miles back home especially when I have to work the next day.

Keep in mind I did offer her a compromise. Which is, I will come over after basketball., stay the night and I asked her can she leave at 8 AM instead of 3 AM that way I wouldn’t get woken up in the middle of the night.

She had no interest in that. And to make matters worse, she didn’t end up leaving at 3 AM. She left at like 11 am because she got a late start.

OP posts:
Morgenrot25 · 07/07/2025 10:22

CarlaLemarchant · 06/07/2025 18:33

If it was so important to see you she should have kept to the original plan. You haven’t done anything wrong.

This.
She needs to take accountability, in that it's her change of plans which really prevented the meet up prior to her trip, and not you having a life/plans outside of the relationship.

grumpygrape · 07/07/2025 10:20

MoFadaCromulent · 07/07/2025 07:01

I wouldn't be surprised if she's engineered a fight to justify cheating in her own mind while away.

I agree.

She also sounds a 'right little madam' to me.

grumpygrape · 07/07/2025 10:18

BoudiccaRuled · 07/07/2025 07:01

Assuming you are American ("a couple days"), driving 80 miles is nothing. Just admit you don't like her and move on. You sound about 12.

An hour to do 40 miles isn't wide open road cruising. There are places in America where traffic is bad.

BogRollBOGOF · 07/07/2025 07:40

If normal, friendly communications can't be resumed in the next few days then the relationship is dead in the water.

It would have been better if OP checked in sooner, but she was the one faffing around with her plans, asking OP to do something inconvenient and sulking when OP hasn't fallen into line.

This is not a healthy dynamic.

theresapossuminthekitchen · 07/07/2025 07:38

Blobbitymacblob · 06/07/2025 20:41

It sounds like a relationship that’s run its course. When you’re more concerned about not being the first to blink, you’re with the wrong person.

At 4 months, dh drove a 2 hour round trip after a 16 hour flight to kiss me, before I left for work.

Go find the person that you want to drive out of your way for, feel lonely without, and don’t want to sleep without hearing her voice. And set her free to find the same.

To be honest, this kind of message is what makes people like the OPs girlfriend make completely unrealistic demands. It’s like a romantic movie scene - it’s not, for most people (I’m not suggesting you’re making it up), real life. Some people end up in abusive relationships because they get love-bombed like this but it’s actually a form of control; others marry/have kids with someone who is otherwise utterly incompatible because of the ‘swept of my feet’ romantic gestures (and often the romantic isn’t prepared to put the hard day-to-day effort in either - just wants the big ‘look-at-me’ moments).

Either way, OP, I agree that this relationship has likely run its course - you’re a pragmatic compromiser and she’s not going to meet you in the middle, so you’re just not compatible. The childish ignoring of texts/messages is the final bit of evidence.

MissPeachyKeen · 07/07/2025 07:26
  • like I said her response was "I am not doing this on vacation and we will talk when I get back." Which I took at "Do not contact me again until I get home in 3 weeks." so I am respecting her wishes*

Well that's terribly immature. I'm glad you've since messaged her, the fact that she's not responded fully doesn't mean you were wrong to do so.

Keep the tit for tat out of future communications, whether by message or face to face, all it does is wind each other up.

Mingenious · 07/07/2025 07:25

It’s an hour each way. I drive that to work!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/07/2025 07:22

IggleBiggle · 07/07/2025 06:38

Just be mindful that if you don't make a small compromise like skipping a session or a sleepless night to see her before the trip.....its far less likely to result in her giving you good will in future when the tables were turned and you have a request that seems perfectly reasonable to you.

I wouldn't - I would remember how it was fine when it didn't suit them, and now it does I am supposed to compromise?

That wouldn't sit well with me.

Relationships involve a little bit of goodwill at times.

But she was not willing to make a small compromise and leave later in the morning. Compromise is a two way thing, not one person getting everything their way.

nomas · 07/07/2025 07:19

ByPoisedCat · 06/07/2025 22:23

I am always the one that drives there on the weekends (she does try and come up once a week to see me) so I am coming to her like 90% of the time.

Driving one way for an hour, staying for an hour, then having another hour drive back was too much for me. Also, it was in the middle of the work week and I have been slammed at work.

I tried to make a compromise with her, which she shot down yet I am the twat? When is some of this on her in your opinion?

Show quote history

It sounds like a lot of effort to make for someone who doesn’t appreciate it and demands more.

I would dump her.

ThankULord · 07/07/2025 07:18

ByPoisedCat · 06/07/2025 18:38

We were texting a bit on Thursday and my last text, which was Friday morning explained my point of view why I did not come up and why I didn't want to sleep over and like I said her response was "I am not doing this on vacation and we will talk when I get back."

Which I took at "Do not contact me again until I get home in 3 weeks." so I am respecting her wishes.

I can't see how you reached that conclusion from her message.
You aren't keen on her, are you?

She also doesn't appear too keen.

nomas · 07/07/2025 07:18

Catofthesouth · 06/07/2025 21:02

Are you 15?I drive 2 hours min to see my mum and I’m not even shagging her. That’s what you do for someone you love, not text them. Twat.

Get a grip and let’s hope she dumps you, having met someone interested in her.

hapoy to help

Yeah, he’s not the twat here, love 😘

Lampzade · 07/07/2025 07:05

When I was at university my boyfriend ( now dh) drove over two hours to my university town to see me for an hour and drove back the same night .
You are just not into this lady

MoFadaCromulent · 07/07/2025 07:01

I wouldn't be surprised if she's engineered a fight to justify cheating in her own mind while away.

BoudiccaRuled · 07/07/2025 07:01

Assuming you are American ("a couple days"), driving 80 miles is nothing. Just admit you don't like her and move on. You sound about 12.

Fluffyholeysocks · 07/07/2025 06:57

4 months into the relationship I would expect you both to be very keen to see each other. Do I sense neither of you are really that committed?

aGirlLikeJesamine · 07/07/2025 06:45

you could still message her

IggleBiggle · 07/07/2025 06:38

Just be mindful that if you don't make a small compromise like skipping a session or a sleepless night to see her before the trip.....its far less likely to result in her giving you good will in future when the tables were turned and you have a request that seems perfectly reasonable to you.

I wouldn't - I would remember how it was fine when it didn't suit them, and now it does I am supposed to compromise?

That wouldn't sit well with me.

Relationships involve a little bit of goodwill at times.