Pregnant with twins after saying I was done - now he's changed his mind

I agree, people do seem fascinated by twins - although only identical twins, not fraternal twins.

The comments on the previous thread romanticised twins a lot. They are special etc

I think that's still a pretty common thing to do.

Indeed they are, but he could walk away at any time - probably when he realises that the exhaustion and expense of raising 5 kids is too much for him.

Why on earth woud they? If anything it might make them more resolute. If you don't feel you are in a good place to deal with one baby, why on earth would you want two?

I agree with you, it could go either way. I just think the op needed some perspective that many of us twin mums where they’re not our first found them easier.

Well they shouldn’t, very unprofessional

Some people may feel differently about aborting twins.

I remember a similar thread on here a while back, OP wanted to abort twins and a few people disagreed purely because she was having twins.

He’s not wrong to want them, you’re not wrong to have doubts. You need to have a sit down and discuss practicalities and whether he’s prepared to ease any of your concerns. Eg if you both work, will he share the paternity leave, 6 months if necessary? Would he be prepared to scrimp and save for the next 7 months to afford a night nanny? Is he happy to sell his own car to get a bigger one? If he’s doing gym, other hobbies, make it clear that these would stop completely for a period. Set your terms. See if his answers change the picture for you- if he is a good dad twins might be less trouble than a single baby with a lazy arsehole.

Sending you strength to make the right decision, however difficult that will be

I was scanned but they didn't show me the image. They just needed info, like location, viability etc. But I guess if they see twins on the monitor they may feel they need to say

My twins were definitely not easier than my singleton. Two babies were absolutely harder than just one baby.

It could go either way for OP, she could find it easier but then she may also find it harder too.

You do but if an abortion is planned, they don't show you the image. They didn't show me anyway, the scan was just to confirm pregnancy/location etc.

Im
surp they told you its twins though if you went for a pre abortion scan, how did that come about

That’s two of us twin mums who’ve said the same and any google of twins will concur they’re easier than singletons

To date the pregnancy. I imagine they would also have to tell her that it's twins so that she can make an informed decision.

I didn't realise it wasn't used anymore - it was 6 years ago. And it's hardly a reason to terminate, but being older with twins is obviously high risk and it's OPs body.

I think you do have to have a scan before abortion.

I’m a twin from a contraception failure. Mum already had 2 kids.
She found it very hard when we were kids. Very hard indeed. In fact I think it kind of broke her, but mum was never the kind of mum to handle multiple kids. Dad did what he could but was out working. Older brothers were 5.5 and 2 at the time me and sister were born.

Just to give the long view though, I’ve just had mum and dad around for the afternoon and they’ve had a lovely time with my babies 3.5 and 2 years old. So thinking of the long game, as it were, she absolutely delights that she had her twins and gets loads of enjoyment in her later years.

But when we were kids it was very very hard for her. I can’t really overstate that.

I have 3 children - 10, 4 and 3. I struggle massively. I know if I found out I was pregnant with one / let alone two, I would be seriously considering my options. Good luck with whatever you decide x

If you were set on not going through with it, why have the scan? Seeing the image on the monitor iis inevitably going trigger all sorts of emotions, suddenly the pregnancy isn't just a line on a stick.

I know the above comment isn't helpful for you and i'm sorry! Take a bit of time to decide what you want to do, its biggy either way. I had a termination after being in a very abusive relationship. I do regret the loss now, but terminating was the right thing to do in my circumstances at that time. Good luck with what you decide to do.

TBF though with regard to finances, is the DP already funding the OPs 3 kids who aren’t his, they’re not married so not his responsibility but he took them on? Was there a discussion about the OP not wanting to have any further kids, and with him, before they were ‘lax’ with contraception?

The finances for a 7 seater, bigger house etc are not just on him.

Obviously the OP needs to make her decision considering herself and own 3 existing DC, but I can understand why her DP wants to continue the pregnancy.

I can see his perspective. He took on raising a baby you were pregnant with that wasn't his along with your 3 other children and is now excited at the prospect of having biological children with you.

I think this is a head Vs heart moment and you both need to sit down and talk things through properly. Not just saying 'we'll manage'.

Work out costs of what would need to change and make a list e.g:
How much would a new car cost to transport everyone?
Housing - would you need to move or extend current property? Do you rent or own? Could these costs change e.g landlord ups rent, mortgage rate changes
Changes to work (assuming you both currently work, would your salary be enough to cover nursery bills for twins in addition to after school club for current children? What's the maternity leave policy like? Would you need to take time out of work to raise twins til they are nursery age and do you work in an industry that is easy to get back into?)
Items required for babies X2 cots, double pushchair, car seats

Also consider any luxuries for the whole family
Do you go in holiday? Would this now be a limiting factor?
Do you like going on days out? Eating out?
Clothes?
Not sure how old your older children are but do they like bigger item presents for birthdays/Christmas? Does their dad contribute financially towards them?

Are you both working? Tricky to manage the childcare!

This isn’t true though, how is it five times as hard? When you have twins you have 2 babies, not 5. It’s comments like this that put the fear into people who are pregnant with twins. It’s twice as hard at the very most but I wouldn’t say it’s even that. My twins are easier than my singleton was.

Terminate ASAP