Pregnant with twins after saying I was done - now he's changed his mind

A foetus is just a stage of human development. Do people have foetus showers? Why when it suits do people say it's a foetus, but at other times like baby showers, it's a baby.

Who forced you into it? I thought they hsve to make sure its what you want?
How could they force you into it?

Also I have twins OP and 3 other children and it is so hard and I think the previous poster was right who said he probably just wants twins to brag and boost his ego about his sperm. Mine is the same and I do most of the looking after of the kids and he has no patience with them.

Fathers always seem to love the idea of twins but as a mother of twins, I can tell you it’s bloody hard work. Way more work that 2 single babies. Sure they’re adorable but I don’t think I slept for more than an hour at a time for over a year

A potential baby in the early stages of development.

Not the same thing as an actual born baby or child.

She was done mentally, but also says she was lax with contraception because she thought she was past it with her periods all over the place

What is a foetus?

It probably was a mistake seeing a scan. Now they’ve become real.

Will your relationship survive if one of you “loses”?

I agree and the OP says this in paragraph 3 I think.

I think you’re wrong!

I think she meant done having kids ie 3 is enough, no intention to have more, not that she thought she was beyond it being a possibility. I have a friend who uses the phrase "one and done" in relation to her one child.

I think she did mean she didn’t think she could conceive any more.

Twins become more likely as you get older but as do children with special needs unfortunately.

I'm speaking as the mum of a largely non verbal autistic 7 year old. He is lovely and sweet but I will be caring for him for the rest of my life. Special needs x 2 on top of 3 existing children would be extremely difficult to cope.

I don't envy you the decision though OP because if you could know that they were healthy I would feel different.

And it's 24 months if aged under 50

OP when you say it's not his first rodeo, was he actually raising his first child? Or did the mam do it with him taking him for visits?

Oops I was supposed to be replying to someone!

I think she meant she'd decided 3 was where she would stop. I don't think she meant she thought she was past being able to conceive. I have a friend who has used the phrase "one and done" in relation to her one child. She definitely doesn't think she's past ovulating!!

No judgment, just curious- why did you go for the scan if you were terminating? Was that not always going to increase the risk of not going through with the abortion?

Twins are more likely to be prem and with early birth and small size comes the risk of SEN. Could you and he cope with that with all your existing children

No they're not children yet, they will become children if the pregnancy continues, at the moment they're foetuses.

Op do what's best for you. Do you think he'd be acting like this if it wasn't twins? He's definitely looking through rose tinted glasses. Ask him if he'd be a stay at home dad.

@BangersAndGnash "For me, personally, twins would increase my decision to terminate, not decrease." I agree. OP's DP was supportive of her inclination to terminate this pregnancy on the basis that she couldn't cope with one more baby, so how is proceeding because there are two even logical? I don't see the reasoning behind this change of heart - it makes no sense to me at all.

What a dilemma but there is no way I would be comfortable continuing with this pregnancy unless you have loads of savings and family support.

Oh hell no, I couldn't.

Don't let ANYONE convince you to gestate, birth and raise two children that you don't want.

Also, please start taking contraception more seriously- this is your second unplanned pregnancy in 5 years, and you could easily be fertile for another 10 years yet.

How many weeks pregnant are you ? Are you married ?

Have you told family members ?

Do you have the space and income to raise two more ?
Does your partner assume that because it is twins that you are not having a termination?
Hope you are ok. What is your heart telling you ?

Yes, I think my mum occasionally found it all a bit too much. I'm an identical twin and remember my mum turning on a woman she overheard in the street saying "fancy dressing those twins alike" with the retort "it's what they want!". And she was right because sis and I just liked the same things - the biggest difference she could get us to agree to was same outfit/different colour (and that didn't happen very often). Most people were very nice though and we were often stopped in the street with mum (it could be a bit anxiety-inducing though when people were scrutinising us looking for differences). Even as adults we have the same taste and have arranged to meet and turned up wearing the same clothes more than once! 😂

Yeah, think about this Op @TeacupDoom

Life is hard and drudge without any form of luxury