Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

You think it’s rude, some people think making upset people plaster on a fake smile (which they might not be able to) is ruder, and unnecessary.

Are you always so melodramatic?

It's not "suppressing your emotions" to go and say hello to your cousin for a few minute

Yes I agree OP. It’s incredibly rude for them not to have popped down to say hello.

No, we don’t - just an expectation of basic politeness from the OP to greet a guest and family member, which need take all of 5 minutes time from “self care”.

There were at least 5 of you there to chat with the cousin and make a fuss of the baby, your oldest son and daughter don't get on with the cousin and neither of them want to see the baby. I think it's lovely that your daughter is being comforted by her brother and there's no need to spoil a family get-together by getting angry over a trivial thing.

🤣 that’s a mental way of looking at the situation

Stop micromanaging your family to make you look or feel good
Your dd is in Turmoil. Offer her support. be more available
Stop manipulating your family to curate your picture perfect image

Raging about it? Very unreasonable.

Slightly disgruntled, fair enough!

Three out of five isn't bad, op. I doubt your niece minded. If your daughter is currently grieving over a break up, I can understand how she felt - she might have burst into tears or something. As for your son, blokes don't care that much until it's their turn. I would have told him to show his face at least if he wasn't asleep, did you try? However your young ones greated their cousin and her baby which was nice.

Put it behind you.

And who wants fakeness and disingenuous fawning anyway? It seems like people who expect that are the really self-absorbed ones.

I’d much rather people were open and honest, and I wouldn’t expect OPs daughter to be wheeled out for me when she was feeling so low and struggling so much. I can’t understand that mentality at all.

Me too.
Some of these posts are giving me second hand social anxiety.

I think it's far worse to expect people who aren't 100% to fake an interaction when they aren't feeling it

Allow? You can’t control what a 24-year-old does. I suppose you could issue an ultimatum, but then there’s a good chance it’s you they’d be avoiding in future.

Very rude and antisocial. In our house everyone participates when relatives come. If someone wasn’t feeling well they could pop down for a chat and slope off later. Apart from that it’s all muck in, regardless of if you’d rather be on your phone or with your boyfriend or gaming. Surprising when people allow young adult children to opt out.

😂

I'm inclined to agree with this and I'm a bit sceptical that all the posters who think they should have popped in for five minutes and left again wouldn't be up in arms at that perceived rudeness too.

Really thought it depends on the relationship. I'm know on MN it's considered the norm to be BFFs with all your cousins but that is really not reflective of complex real life relationships. I expect that mine would probably struggle to pick me out of a police line up.

I know but some people seem to think they do!

And when it became clear that they were staying longer and would therefore overlap with the prearranged visit by their cousin, what did you say to them?

Did you (calmly, clearly, and before the cousin arrived) explain that the visit was arranged before you knew that they were going to be there, but that as they were now going to be there you would appreciate it if they showed face for 5 minutes?

Out of interest, does your niece live nearby? I ask because having her around for 3 hours when your own children (who don't seem to like her very much) are visiting rather than seeing her off sooner seems a bit odd, but wouldn't if she'd made a journey to get there.

Her needs don't involve putting her cousin out in any way.

I don’t think it’s a “not into babies” situation. A family member has gone through a major life transition and it is rude not to acknowledge it.

They don’t need to hold the baby but a hello and congratulations wouldn’t have been difficult.

It’s a new family member.

The fact that some shit & tedious things can't be avoided is surely more reason to avoid those which you can?

Like forcing small talk with a cousin you don't like, and feigning interest in their baby.

They are adults and you really have no right to tell them what to do. OP seems to think that the older 2 get on better with each other and their father. I wonder why?

DD is 24 and her friends are all early to mid 20s. Not one of them is interested in babies just now. They are all in the middle of post grad study or at the beginning of their careers.

@AdEmRoJaAn I think the older two could at least have just come down to say hello to their cousin even if they weren't interested in her baby.

Even DD, who doesn't like babies would have come to say hello then beat a hasty retreat once the baby starts crying.

What is terribly exhausting are the number of people that think - regardless of what has happened to you or the state you are in - it’s more important to plaster a fake grin and come out with some enthusiastic platitude than to be honest about how you are actually feeling. As if being fake is more important than anything else!

If the cousin indeed cared about dd, she might have even asked if she is okay and felt concerned. I certainly would never expect my cousins to be wheeled out to honour my newborn if she was feeling so bereft, because I am not self centred - and the world doesn’t revolve around me. I would want her to prioritise herself. To take care of herself. Or I might even want to comfort her.

No wonder there is so much mental illness around! No one is allowed to have a bad day. To feel quiet and sad. They have to perform like monkeys for others.

I live a much more authentic life, we are honest here. If it’s too much, it’s too much. The person not protocol is important.

Poor dd, and so glad her brother did the right thing at least. I doubt she will be back the next time her life hits the buffers.

"And if you can't be considerate to my emotional state then I'll happily leave and have no contact with you. Good luck if you need help later on."