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Original poster

Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

470 replies

AdEmRoJaAn · 06/07/2025 12:24

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

OP posts:
UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:36

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:34

I have plenty of empathy, I just think that sometimes you need to suck it up, wipe your tears and get on with it, even if you can't be bothered. Because life isn't all about you.

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🤣🤣🤣

You have 0 empathy for anyone if you think suck it up and get on with it is an acceptable comment

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:36

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:35

I think it's impolite for people to have to hide their emotions on my behalf 🤷‍♀️

And she wasn't hiding ffs.

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lol, of course she was.

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:35

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:34

I have plenty of empathy, I just think that sometimes you need to suck it up, wipe your tears and get on with it, even if you can't be bothered. Because life isn't all about you.

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Telling people to suck it up is not remotely empathetic.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:35

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:33

You think a baby visit does however

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No, I think sucking it up for your family is what you do, whether you feel like it or not. If you can't be bothered, then go home.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:35

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:34

I never said they did.

I said that I would be embarrassed to be hiding away in my childhood bedroom at 24 years of age and incapable of wiping away my tears, being polite and saying hello to my family who had come to visit.

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I think it's impolite for people to have to hide their emotions on my behalf 🤷‍♀️

And she wasn't hiding ffs.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:34

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:33

Rather me that has empathy for others than you who has none

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I have plenty of empathy, I just think that sometimes you need to suck it up, wipe your tears and get on with it, even if you can't be bothered. Because life isn't all about you.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:34

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:33

But the cousins visiting does? Why do her needs have more importance to you that the daughters?

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I never said they did.

I said that I would be embarrassed to be hiding away in my childhood bedroom at 24 years of age and incapable of wiping away my tears, being polite and saying hello to my family who had come to visit.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:33

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:31

No, because I'm not ridiculous enough to think my "pain" takes priority over absolutely everything and everyone else Wink

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You think a baby visit does however

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:33

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:31

No, because I'm not ridiculous enough to think my "pain" takes priority over absolutely everything and everyone else Wink

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But the cousins visiting does? Why do her needs have more importance to you that the daughters?

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:33

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:31

Wow.

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Rather me that has empathy for others than you who has none

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:31

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:30

Embarrassed that I might stay in my room whilst upset instead of seeing someone I wasn't even expecting to see?

Nope

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Wow.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:31

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:30

Aren’t you embarrassed to be so hung up on social niceties that someone’s actual pain comes second?

Edited
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No, because I'm not ridiculous enough to think my "pain" takes priority over absolutely everything and everyone else Wink

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:31

And yes, Suck It Up is another way of saying "suppress your emotions"

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:30

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:29

No, it really isn't.

I would never have dreamed of behaving that way at 14, let alone at 24. Aren't all you grown adults embarrassed to behave the way you do? Hiding away in childhood bedrooms and not even greeting your relatives?

Bonkers.

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Aren’t you embarrassed to be so hung up on social niceties that someone’s actual pain comes second?

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:30

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:29

No, it really isn't.

I would never have dreamed of behaving that way at 14, let alone at 24. Aren't all you grown adults embarrassed to behave the way you do? Hiding away in childhood bedrooms and not even greeting your relatives?

Bonkers.

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Embarrassed that I might stay in my room whilst upset instead of seeing someone I wasn't even expecting to see?

Nope

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:30

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:28

It just shows that "basic manners" aren't basic at all

Because it's clear there are 2 very distinct ideas of what's rude.

I think if you're upset, it's rude to expect that to be "turned off" to make others happy. So do you

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Yes, I’m the same. I think manners are not some fixed thing that you have to apply 100 percentage of the time of the time or else - sometimes a situation arises and you can’t hold people to the same standards because to do so would be detrimental to them.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:29

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:26

It's exactly that. Sucking it up is the same as suppressing you emotions

Her mother is showing a complete lack of compassion for her daughter.

DD probably should leave and have nothing more to do with her

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No, it really isn't.

I would never have dreamed of behaving that way at 14, let alone at 24. Aren't all you grown adults embarrassed to behave the way you do? Hiding away in childhood bedrooms and not even greeting your relatives?

Bonkers.

SunnierShores · 06/07/2025 16:29

They are adults, so yes you are being unreasonable.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:28

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:24

I can’t believe the number of people who think you can (or even should) just shut off your emotions in a flash. Or those who think it’s rude to occasionally prioritise yourself because it might make your family look rude ( if I as the cousin, I wouldn’t think it rude at all).

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It just shows that "basic manners" aren't basic at all

Because it's clear there are 2 very distinct ideas of what's rude.

I think if you're upset, it's rude to expect that to be "turned off" to make others happy. So do you

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:28

Flossflower · 06/07/2025 16:27

Yes it is called tells lies and should not be done.

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Some people prioritise social niceties, and being seen to do the right thing, over the things that really matter. I find it quite sad.

657904I · 06/07/2025 16:28

AdEmRoJaAn · 06/07/2025 13:54

DS1 and DD1 were meant to go back to London yesterday. I wasn’t expecting them to be here today.

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So why are you raging that they didn’t socialise with your niece? That was never the plan.

plus your daughter sounds really upset and you sound like you couldn’t care less, that it was more important for you to keep up appearances with the extended family. Like did you really expect your daughter to magically stop crying, put some makeup on to hide she was crying and act as if nothing was wrong to your niece? Makes zero sense.

Also your adult offspring are supposed to be visiting you, why are you double booking with your niece? That was always going to be chaos

GoneGirl12345 · 06/07/2025 16:28

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:26

It's exactly that. Sucking it up is the same as suppressing you emotions

Her mother is showing a complete lack of compassion for her daughter.

DD probably should leave and have nothing more to do with her

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Jeez. No wonder young people rarely have any resilience.

Flossflower · 06/07/2025 16:27

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 15:22

I think it's far worse to expect people who aren't 100% to fake an interaction when they aren't feeling it

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Yes it is called tells lies and should not be done.

GoneGirl12345 · 06/07/2025 16:27

JustSawJohnny · 06/07/2025 16:23

I guess they mean that the Mum has made the assumption that as her kids are visiting that they'd want to also see extended family.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't exactly be excited if I went to visit my Mum for a few days and she arranged for cousins to visit. I'd go along with it happily on the surface but honestly rather not be in the position.

That said, I'm not close to them at all. DS is 12 and only a handful of my cousins have met him, that being in passing for the most part.

Certainly not close enough that I'd go out of my way to see a new baby.

Lots of people aren't close with cousins, in my experience.

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Not being close to cousins and barely seeing them is v culturally alien to me.

As is adult children thinking they have any say over who comes to my house.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 06/07/2025 16:26

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 16:18

Again, it's not "suppressing your emotions" to suck it up, dry your eyes and be polite for a few minutes.

Nobody is saying she has to stop feeling upset, or never cry again - they're saying that going through a break-up, while shit, isn't a reason to be rude and ignore your visiting family.

If she felt so upset she was bawling her eyes out, she should have gone back home, not ignored the guests she knew were coming to visit.

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It's exactly that. Sucking it up is the same as suppressing you emotions

Her mother is showing a complete lack of compassion for her daughter.

DD probably should leave and have nothing more to do with her

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