Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

But she is a member of the family visiting the family home. Not a big deal to pop down and say hello.

100% agree with this

They don’t live there. That makes them guests. Seems I did read the post - try again.

You're upset enough about it to write a post on mumsnet???!!! The issue here is you, not them.

What’s happening on Sept 1st?

I couldn’t get worked up into a rage about it, that seems very dramatic, but I would have hoped they’d say hello to their cousin and new baby and I’d have told them it was very bad manners on their part. DD is dealing with a break up and DS apologised, is raging a thing in your house?

Possibly.

I do think there is definitely a cultural difference at play in the responses as well. I’d only recognise two of mine walking down the street today despite as young children being close.

The last time I saw any of them would have probably been my wedding with the duty invites over 14 years ago now. A lot of us have had children ranging from newborns to 17 year olds. I know because of Facebook posts. I don’t think I’ve met more than two in my side in person but at least 10 exist. So meeting a cousins new baby is about as high up on my list as visiting a new take away that’s opened locally. I’d I bumped into them in Tesco I’d say hi if they spotted me.

I also get the impression a quick hello would not have been enough to satisfy OP either.

Some people never get over a termination. We’re all different and that’s kind of the point. Some people would absolutely be able to plaster a smile on and get on with it, others would not, and they should not be condemned for it.

I think coming down to say hi is a fine expectation. Maybe your daughter especially was just trying to avoid having a baby forced on her? There's still this thing that all women must love babies and be desperate to hold them.

I hated that in my 20's and would either be forced to awkwardly hold a baby I really didn't want to hold or awkwardly say no thank you and still be pressured anyway.

I understand that the new baby could be triggering. But I wouldn’t count a termination over a year ago as ‘recent’. But accept that others do

Good manners is also about understanding other people feelings, and the current situation. Not blind compliance.

MN is definitely not a place for socially ‘normal’ behaviour, that’s for sure.

I don’t think it’s controlling at all to expect your adult children to have good manners.

Not everyone is close to their cousins you know.

Lovely of your son to sit with his upset sister. However, they could have said a quick hello so they are rude and snobby, since they think they are above the other family members.

Virtual stranger? He needs to build resilience

I think it's clear in this case that the son and daughter are not close to the cousin (they are probably aware that she is technically close family, but that perhaps doesn't mean much to them in the absence of a meaningful personal relationship). Lots of people are not close to their cousins.

She was crying. She had recently had an abortion. A simple hi might sound reasonable, but in the moment it may not have been!

I think @AdEmRoJaAn you have all your answers here. Your eldest 2 are just not into their cousin (and baby). They are adults now and get to be rude if they want.

No sense in ‘raging’ about it.

So… DD had an abortion last year and you’re angry she doesn’t feel up to cooing over a baby… eeeeeessshhhh! That’s pretty cold I’ve got to say. Pregnancy loss of any kind has long lasting effects and triggers and that’s still pretty early, especially also now breaking up with the guy I assume was the father. That’s a lot for anyone to unpack.

Adult DC’s don’t have to do a thing they don’t want to, whether you like it or not. If you kick up a fuss over a non-event (cousins and babies really aren’t a big deal to a lot of people even if they were to your own family…) then you will find more and more they just won’t stay with you for family events, and as they start their own families not even attending those events at all.
But it’s your family, you run it how you see fit as long as you are prepared for the consequences.

The thing you have to remember is once all the shared GPs funerals are out the way (and MAYBE an aunt/uncle or two) I’m sorry to say cousins rarely have anything to do with each other these days, and the ones who do are the kind who are genuine friends who have each others numbers and contact each other directly about things like visiting each others babies. Why are you trying to force something that just isn’t there. If this leaves you “raging” then don’t have any of the moved out children back to stay anymore. That would be harsh but then if you can’t get your head around the fact you can’t control people but you can control the people you let into your house then it might be the only way to keep your relationships with your children on positive terms.

Rudeness surely depends on the circumstances. If something more pressing is going on, then it’s fine to ignore social mores, and obviously the daughter was very distressed, whether you think she should be or not.

Agree 100% with this. A “hello” “hi” “hey” 😊 to everyone, but interest in a baby, absolutely not. Doesn’t matter what age you are, babies bore the tits off some people, girls or boys, men or unbelievably, some women.

My point was a general one about how your adult kids behave and what you can expect of them. No it’s not immoral to ignore guests. Just a bit rude.

So now it’s immoral to not say hello to a cousin because you’re upstairs in distress? Really?