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AIBU?

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Original poster

Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

470 replies

AdEmRoJaAn · 06/07/2025 12:24

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

OP posts:
TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 19:11

YankSplaining · 06/07/2025 19:09

He didn’t have to support her for every single minute of three entire hours.

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Maybe he thought his sister was more important than cousin he’s clearly not even close to?

YankSplaining · 06/07/2025 19:09

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 16:51

He was supporting her.

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He didn’t have to support her for every single minute of three entire hours.

YankSplaining · 06/07/2025 19:02

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/07/2025 15:58

your niece's child ?

thus their 2nd cousin ?

I wouldn't have expected nor hoped that any of them would be interested in meeting a distant relative. Nor would I think any of them would be wanting to see / hold a baby.

Are any of them close to this cousin ? are any of them in her age range ?

I have twenty-eight first cousins, and I’ve seen all of their children at least a couple of times in their lives. On my dad’s side, I see my cousins’ children at least twice a year. (Can’t remember all their names, but they’re at the same family gatherings.) The thought of a cousin’s baby being a relative so “distant” that s/he’s of absolutely no interest whatsoever is wild to me.

But even if the mother of the baby was someone I’d never met before, I still wouldn’t be in the same house for three hours completely ignoring her presence if I were in OP’s son’s position. (I give the daughter a pass.)

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 18:57

Sunholidays · 06/07/2025 18:54

What a strange take on the situation.

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In what way? The daughter was distressed any crying. But her mum thinks it’s more important she comes down to see her cousin? That’s self-centred.

DiggingHoles · 06/07/2025 18:56

Good grief, OP! You are asking for consideration from your children, even in spite of what they are going through. If you want that, you might try showing some yourself. Lead by example and all that.

Sunholidays · 06/07/2025 18:54

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 18:38

See, I think OP is being selfish expecting her crying, distressed daughter to suck it up because it suits her.

What a strange take on the situation.

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/07/2025 18:40

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 18:38

See, I think OP is being selfish expecting her crying, distressed daughter to suck it up because it suits her.

Agree
@AdEmRoJaAn needs to stop stage managing her children to make her look good

2025ismybestyear · 06/07/2025 18:38

namechangetheworld · 06/07/2025 17:43

Ds clearly used his sister’s situation to get out of saying hello to the cousin.

All of these "but he was supporting his sister" comments are hilariously naive. Her being in tears (for three whole hours apparently) served as the perfect excuse for him to be rude and not say hello too.

Oh I know. I was being charitable..

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 18:38

See, I think OP is being selfish expecting her crying, distressed daughter to suck it up because it suits her.

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/07/2025 18:37

namechangetheworld · 06/07/2025 18:35

Perfectly reasonable to tell adult relatives who are acting like selfish arseholes in your home that they're acting like selfish arseholes.

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Agree,that’s exactly what @AdEmRoJaAn needs to hear. She was selfish and manipulative

namechangetheworld · 06/07/2025 18:35

DressOrSkirt · 06/07/2025 18:04

If I was told this I just wouldn't stay with my parents again and book a hotel for future birthdays.

It's unreasonable to tell adults who they should socialise with. And it's their family home, they should be able to take some down time when they feel the need to.

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Perfectly reasonable to tell adult relatives who are acting like selfish arseholes in your home that they're acting like selfish arseholes.

ToWhitToWhoo · 06/07/2025 18:19

It's not a matter of taking two minutes out of your day. it's a matter of not being able to interact conventionally when you're truly in agony.

If the daughter had come down, but had been unable to control her tears in front of the relatives, that might have aroused complaints as well.

I have occasionally been a guest of people whose partners or grown-up children are so engrossed in computer games or scrolling their phones that they don't bother to come and say hello. I do find that a bit rude. But this is in a totally different category.

DressOrSkirt · 06/07/2025 18:04

askmenow · 06/07/2025 13:00

Make it clear they don’t get to do that in your home.

Tell them you’re sad they have so little manners.

It would have taken moments to show respect for you and kindness to their cousin. .

If I was told this I just wouldn't stay with my parents again and book a hotel for future birthdays.

It's unreasonable to tell adults who they should socialise with. And it's their family home, they should be able to take some down time when they feel the need to.

AnaisVB · 06/07/2025 18:04

I agree it’s quite impolite and probably a bit hurtful to your niece. I would be embarrassed if my children (adult or otherwise) didn’t pop down to say hello or goodbye . Like others have said I wouldn’t expect them to stay for long or hold the baby even but at least a ‘hello’ and ‘congratulations’. not a major issue though and wouldn’t hold on to it for too long

Limehawkmoth · 06/07/2025 17:56

Anxioustealady · 06/07/2025 13:29

If I was staying with someone and they decided to "read me the riot act", I'd pack my bags and leave, and I wouldn't stay with them again.

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ok, tongue in cheek don’t come across well then! Talk to her young adult kids then

Batbrown · 06/07/2025 17:53

GlobalFish · 06/07/2025 17:48

What a compelling response! Well, I’m convinced. Someone please alert the dictionaries - @Batbrown has redefined a word and all her measly subjects must comply 😂😂😂🙄

Words means what they mean whether you like it or not.

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No wonder you’re having martial issues if that’s your attitude.

lifeonmars100 · 06/07/2025 17:50

It is a bit rude but not worth raging over plus your son apologised and your daughter explained why she acted as she did. It would have been polite to have spent a few minutes saying hello but it is not WW3 stuff

GlobalFish · 06/07/2025 17:48

Batbrown · 06/07/2025 17:41

You’re wrong

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What a compelling response! Well, I’m convinced. Someone please alert the dictionaries - @Batbrown has redefined a word and all her measly subjects must comply 😂😂😂🙄

Words means what they mean whether you like it or not.

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 17:45

namechangetheworld · 06/07/2025 17:43

Ds clearly used his sister’s situation to get out of saying hello to the cousin.

All of these "but he was supporting his sister" comments are hilariously naive. Her being in tears (for three whole hours apparently) served as the perfect excuse for him to be rude and not say hello too.

We can only go on the info we have. And some people can get very upset and cry for long periods.

namechangetheworld · 06/07/2025 17:43

Ds clearly used his sister’s situation to get out of saying hello to the cousin.

All of these "but he was supporting his sister" comments are hilariously naive. Her being in tears (for three whole hours apparently) served as the perfect excuse for him to be rude and not say hello too.

Batbrown · 06/07/2025 17:41

GlobalFish · 06/07/2025 17:35

They don’t live there. That makes them guests. Seems I did read the post - try again.

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You’re wrong

Ddakji · 06/07/2025 17:40

JustSawJohnny · 06/07/2025 17:13

Well, yes. To you, but not to many.

I'd know better than to double book my son. He has all the brutality and no filter of a typical teen with the added spice of ASD.

He would definitely see it as a punishment to push a virtual stranger with a baby on him 😂

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Being a teen and having ASD isn’t an excuse for rudeness.

Minnie798 · 06/07/2025 17:40

Caligirl80 · 06/07/2025 17:33

You're upset enough about it to write a post on mumsnet???!!! The issue here is you, not them.

The cousin had arranged to visit when the two eldest weren't even supposed to be there. There's clearly no relationship between them. Op should just let it go.

TheRadiatorLadySings · 06/07/2025 17:39

GoneGirl12345 · 06/07/2025 17:38

But she is a member of the family visiting the family home. Not a big deal to pop down and say hello.

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I was replying to a post that questioned a cousins being a virtual stranger.

also, it might not normally be a big deal, but when she’s crying her eyes out in distress, then yeah, it might be a big deal. But god forbid she might be given some leeway and not considered rude.

BunnyLake · 06/07/2025 17:38

AdEmRoJaAn · 06/07/2025 13:54

DS1 and DD1 were meant to go back to London yesterday. I wasn’t expecting them to be here today.

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So the cousin was visiting without expecting to see them anyway. She didn’t even have to know they were in the house.