Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

@Boddica2000 Maybe in your own house but not when you're staying in someone else's house. Quite rude to please yourself when you're a guest.

Shameful behaviour IMO. Even if they’re not remotely interested in babies, or were nursing a stinking hangover, just a few minutes for the sake of being nice, wouldn’t have killed them.

I’d have been bitterly disappointed in mine if they’d behaved like this.

They were rude not even to come and say hello to the guests.

i don't, however, think they were obliged to hold the baby. People with little experience with babies may be nervous about holding a seemingly fragile near-newborn; and it's not as if the baby would care.

Regardless of what may or may not be going on in their lives, they should have got washed and dressed and come downstairs with smiles on their faces, greeted their cousin and congratulated her and told her what a lovely baby she had. You know, exercised basic good manners and social behaviour - aka life skills.

They didn't need to stay for more than 30 minutes if their cousin was unexpected. If she was expected, possibly longer and op should have set expectations in advance.

If the cousin wasn't expected, then imo three hours was too long to stay.

Not the point of the thread but I'm surprised at five days post partum the cousin wanted to be out visiting and for the baby to be meeting so many new people whilst so newborn.

Oh my, why is this even a thread!

It would likely be overwhelming having 6 adults there, fawning over a baby. Three of your kids came down to greet the baby, surely that is enough.

This would not bother me, certainly not enought to make a mumsnet thread! quiet day?

You dont think this has any bearing on it?

Literally nothing more tiresome than babies. If I was there for a specific purpose (dad’s birthday party) then I’d feel zero obligation to or pretend to be interested in someone else’s child for three hours.

Actually, those are both good reasons for not hanging out with someone you have no interest in and had no say in inviting.

Being an adult doesn't mean that, I'm afraid. It does mean you get a choice in who you want to hang out with though. I mean, OP can chuck them out or whatever she likes in her own home - but it's very odd behaviour to be "raging" just because someone chose not to be in someone else's presence for a couple of hours. Huge overrreaction.

Did they leave their 'not really their rooms any more' at all?

My DS (28) doesn't much care for babies but if his cousin was visiting with a new baby he would make sure he came to visit out of politeness because that is how he's been brought up.
Your older DCs were rude not to come down from their rooms when there was a visitor who I'm sure would have loved to see them. Not liking babies is no excuse. Neither is being tired. They only needed to pop down for 10 minutes and be polite.

I think the fact that the eldest 3 of children don't live at home, and your eldest daughter and son decided to stay in their childhood bedrooms, rather than come downstairs is poor behaviour. Yes, it's their childhood home, and they still have their bedrooms. They're not little children, or young teenagers, though, so I'd be expecting them to behave like adults. Being an adult means coming downstairs to say hello at the very least. I understand that not everyone likes or is interested in babies. Your son at least was honest, your daughter made excuses. I'd be annoyed, as it was rude of them not to come and say hello, and I'd tell them that too. My cousin used to do the same, when we visited my Uncle - travelled 250 miles to see my Dad's side of the family, usually only once a year, and he couldn't be arsed to even come downstairs and say hello - it's not as if he didn't know us either, he visited us a lot over his childhood! It's rude.

Just wondering if you are normally quite controlling and demanding, because it is a massive overreaction to say you are raging because two people just chose to not be in the presence of someone they are not interested in and had no say in inviting.

Aren't they allowed boundaries in their home? People are allowed to have nothing at all to do with other people - even family - for any reason at all. I wonder why it matters so much to you to overrule their wishes in order to facilitate yours.

It's basic good manners to at least greet guests in the house. No need to stay beyond a couple of sentences but saying hello is a basic courtesy.
OP is absolutely right to be disappointed and annoyed at their lack of this basic courtesy.

I think they were a bit rude but I wouldn't be raging over it. I wouldn't have been particularly interested in babies at that age either (or any age really) but would have said hello and congratulations.

Quite a drip feed about your DD though. Perhaps she is struggling more than you think.

It's fine to not want to hold the baby or not even be especially fussed by it's existence.

But if your family have guests that you know well, you should come down just for a few minutes to say hello and a quick chat. Then apologise and make your excuses to go back upstairs or out or whatever.

So they were rude to just fully hide away.

Your daughter is going through a lot and she needs to be excused.
Maybe there is some backstory and they are not on speaking terms with the cousin.
Maybe the beds at your house are not comfortable and they didn’t sleep well last night.
Maybe they were up all night talking either each other.

If they’re guests with you, I’d be a bit shocked they couldn’t stagger down in Pjs for a few minutes to see their cousin, never mind a brand new baby.

i doubt they see their cousin much, if they’ve moved out, so it was pretty rude of them .

id read riot act…my house..you will be gracious and kind to visiting family . Even if for a few minutes. Ok, coming down to meet random friends of yours that have known them for years..nah…but family yep.

Your ooor dd has just had a bloody abortion - you are being very insensitive op. To say the least.

If they think they are above their cousin maybe just as well they didn’t pop down to see her. Assume they aren’t your step children

I agree.

Yes, this. It's up to them. You cannot "rage" at them because of this, it's not up to you to tell them how to socialise anymore.

Also, have you thought there might perhaps be something underlying? Maybe they don't get on with this cousin as well as you think they do. Maybe seeing a newborn would be triggering to them? You just don't know.

But either way, they're adults with their own homes.

I don’t pressure my dc nor judge other peoples dc if they are needing some down time. I can’t stand the fakeness of dc being wheeled out or pretending to care. When you have been crying all night or feel overwhelmed you are entitled to some peace until you feel better. Just because their mother had arranged to have guests doesn’t mean they have to perform.

Let them relax in their family home.