Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

Very rude to not even pop down to say congratulations and say hello

Gosh classic MN. Here on planet earth it's completely rude not to wave hello at a cousin and her baby at your house. Completely self centered behaviour.

Hard agree!

also I have a newborn and don’t blame anyone for not being interested in a new baby. They get plenty of attention and they don’t need everyone to say hi

Rude to not come and say hi to their cousin. I’d be very unimpressed with them.

Leave your daughter alone. She’s had an abortion and currently going through a breakup. She doesn’t want to see her cousin and her baby. She probably doesn’t even like her cousin!!

This. A new baby probably reminds her of all she's lost. Have some compassion.

Actually why didn’t you call them to say hi? Surely they’d have come down if asked?

Sorry, that was to the OP!

I would probably leave it on this occasion. If it was every single time I would say something

Really rude.

You should have shouted them to come and say hi.

They sound deeply self absorbed.

Leave your daughter alone. She’s had an abortion and currently going through a breakup. She doesn’t want to see her cousin and her baby. She probably doesn’t even like her cousin!!

Yes, that is a troubling dynamic for sure. Imagine not being able to visit your mother, as an adult, without being instructed that you must hang out with relatives you don't like or have no interest in.

Imagine being a grown adult in your twenties and hiding away in your room like a teenager instead of saying hello to your cousin for five minutes.

Embarrassing.

If they don’t have a close relationship I don’t see why you would expect them to show an interest. Three of your DC did so the family was represented and a fuss was made of the new baby. Don’t see the problem.

I would excuse dd given her current crisis. Less excuse for ds.

I'll be the outlier.

A 5 day old baby doesn't need a ton of people meeting them. Their immune systems are not really kicking in yet. Is everybody hand washing and vaccinated?

Plus, your daughter's going through a rough time. Give her a break.

It's not like the baby is going to spoil.

Former NICU/PICU nurse who has seen an awful lot of readmits from home due to catching serious stuff from visitors.

Leave them alone. Their cousin obviously means nothing to them.

I don’t understand why so many replies are focused on rudeness as opposed to concern about a young woman who is obviously going through a very difficult time in her life.

Anyway, I said what I had to say. Obviously, no sane person can pretend that just staying away from someone you don't like or have no interest in is rude. And everyone on mumsnet is all about boundaries except when they don't suit them personally.

Making a fuss about this will not end well for the OP. I feel really sorry for the two adult kids being harangued by their mother over absolutely nothing because she feels it might have tarnished her image with her niece.

I'll leave it at that and unwatch the thread.

Yes, that is a troubling dynamic for sure. Imagine not being able to visit your mother, as an adult, without being instructed that you must hang out with relatives you don't like or have no interest in.

I wonder if she made them hug and kiss people they didn't want to touch when they were young too.

It sounds like the OP is annoyed that she feels her adult children not fawning over the niece and the baby made her look bad.

They were very rude to not come and talk to their cousin or at the very least say hi, congratulations. I’m sure no one would force them to hold a baby against their will- I have never been offended when family/friends haven’t want to actually hold any of my babies. I’d be mortified if my kids behaved that way tbh.

are the children seen as "guests" in their own childhood home?

Nope, not remotely rude to simply choose to stay away from people you have no interest in. If the OP wants to demand the price of compliance to her wants in order for her children to be allowed to stay with her, that's up to her, but it will bite her on the arse.

But it is terribly rude to try to force guests in your home to hang out with people they have no interest in, an abuse of the power dynamic in fact.

Not hanging out with the woman and her baby hurt nobody at all. Not remotely. It just doesn't matter. She is creating a drama and it won't end well.

I'm actually really surprised by some of these responses - it takes five minutes to come down, say hello, make some small talk and make your excuses.

Just hiding away in your room is embarrassing behaviour.

At risk of sounding like James Kennedy shouting about pasta (iykyk), it’s not about the baby, imo. It’s about being rude buggers not even coming down to stick their head round the door to say hello to other guests in your home. Very rude behaviour and unacceptable from grown adults.

I would be furious too. Whether or not they are interested in the baby is irrelevant, they should have come down to at least say hello to the guests. They wouldn’t have gotten away with it in my house, I would have been up there demanding that they display the manners I raised them to have.

I disagree, I don't think it's rude. It's also just not a big deal.

And no, she definitely does not have to push her emotions down if her heart is breaking to hang out in a room with a relative. Not at all. She might have to do that to maybe attend a funeral or go to an emergency appointment, but to hang out with a relative and a baby? No.

I think you are at the heart of it when you say your patience is wearing thin. Maybe just let her manage her own life and ask her not to share her heartache with you anymore if you are becoming angry with her. Once we stop trying to control how other people behave, feel or think it is a much easier life.

I think the reality might also be that your niece was angered because they weren't interested in cooing over her baby - or you think or assume that's how she felt - and you chose to take that on and feel embarrassed by it.

Anyway, if you make a fuss about this I think it will bite you on the arse, but it's up to you of course.

@AdEmRoJaAn

"part of being an adult is knowing sometimes you have to push your own emotions down and be polite"

I disagree, wholeheartedly.