Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

I think it’s also very telling that the OP is snarkily saying that these two “think they’re above” her side of the family, presumably because they are making better choices than getting pregnant at 19/20.

She wasn’t hiding away she was going through an emotional crisis. It’s not like she went down and called the baby ugly. She just declined to visit with her because she was in her own distress.

I’d consider it incredibly rude to expect someone to set their tears and pull themselves together to come and say hello to me. It’s not all about the cousin either.

Taking 5 minutes to “soldier on”, greet your cousin and congratulate her on the baby’s arrival isn’t much. You’re so-called empathy is simply infantilising.

did you read the updates?

Yes, but if she was at home, she wouldn't be being rude - she'd just be in her own home. It's the hiding away upstairs bit that's rude

Maybe OP thinks that going through a break-up isn't an excuse to be rude to your family - which I happen agree with.

She’s the ops child, or do our children stop being our children once they get to a certain age?

i don’t think people struggling emotionally are rude if whey can’t live up to usual standards. It’s called empathy. We can’t all be perfect all the time rude to expect people to soldier on just to please you.

Wow, that’s rude.

It turned out that getting pregnant at 20 was one of the best decisions of my life.

But whether she was upstairs or at home, the why result was not seeing the cousin. At least if she stays at the family home she get some support. Although the OP seems more concerned with being proper than helping her daughter.

What child? She’s an adult. 24 years old. By refusing to come down she’s certainly behaving like a child, though, I grant you (along with considering herself to be above this cousin and refusing to block her ex).

Exactly - it's bloody depressing IMO.

So many people who can't even be arsed to take two minutes out of their day to congratulate a relative on their newborn baby.

Well, I disagree.

Cousin came for a pre-arranged visit, which the DD knew about and chose to stick about for. She could go home if she couldn't face it.

I think she was rude. You clearly disagree, but it's a waste of time hashing it out. You won't change my mind and I'm sure I won't change yours.

Then in that case, why did it matter that they didn't go down to see their cousin. Incidentally, I don't think a twenty year old having a baby is something to celebrate, it is an idiotic decision.

We live in a world of increased selfishness and decreased social skills. My kids would automatically come down and say hello out of politeness, whatever was going on in their lives.

Not everyone is close to their family. Not everyone would think it rude she didn’t come down when she was so upset. Sure, send the sobbing child home just so you don’t look rude. Jesus Christ!

So she’s very upset post-breakup, having just been hit with new information about her ex dating, and she doesn’t feel able to put on a happy host face/want to be seen in a vulnerable state by someone she’s not close to and isn’t particularly interested in. A day later she may have been able to face visitors, but not when she’s reeling from something she’s just learned.

This reads like this was just bad timing in this specific instance. Obviously you’re seeing it in the wider context of their general disinterest in your side of the family, something you’re clearly resentful of.

Yes when we absolutely have to but this wasn’t one of those situations. You could say the same about the cousin, she can suck up her disappointment about not seeing them (if she even cares), no?

Because it's basic manners to greet your family when they are visiting!

Jesus. If you don't want to interact, go back to your own house.

Why so we have to hide our emotions for someone else convenience?

Because not everything is about our own emotions, that's why. Sometimes we have to do things that are unpleasant, or awkward, or boring. That's life.

But why do you think people have to interact with people if they don’t want to or they have bigger things going on? You don’t owe anyone interaction, and they might not be remotely close to this cousin.

I’d rather have empathy and a lack of perceived manners than the other way round! I bet the cousins would be fine with it if she knew what was going on.

Why so we have to hide our emotions for someone else convenience?

sometimes you have to dry your tears, wash your face, put on your big girl pants and have some manners.

Exactly. Of course going through a break-up is absolutely shit, but lots of things in life are shit, doesn't mean you can use them as an excuse to be rude.

Yes. I think we know why the eldest two aren’t interested in their mothers side when she prioritises spending time with a cousin who has got herself knocked up young instead of her actual grown up daughter who is going through a break up. But hey, babeees. 🙄

I can have empathy for her and think her behaviour was rude. I'm just a bit sick of everyone using "boundaries" to opt out of basic human interactions.

Besides, if she was home as planned, she wouldn't have been deliberately opting out, so it's not even remotely comparable.

The most telling thing here is that these two siblings consider themselves “above” the OP’s side of the family.

That alone smacks of snobbery and rudeness. Not doubt they look down on a young woman who’s had a baby at 20.

And you are right, @AdEmRoJaAn - sometimes you have to dry your tears, wash your face, put on your big girl pants and have some manners. Far better than refusing to block an ex and allowing yourself to wallow in masochistic grief.