Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

Who specifically has asked you to pay for her travel? Surely not the bride herself?

Please can we stop this craziness. Your sister is getting married. Her friends are giving up time and enough money. They don't need to spend even more. A hen weekend is a HUGE luxury and your sister should be grateful to have people who are nice enough to want to celebrate with her. She should pay for herself, or you can pay for her. DO NOT ask for any more money! That's enough! It is a ridiculous and indulgent event - as weddings are, to be honest. And it's just so greedy! If you love your sister, just do nice things for her. Do not expect others to cough up. Just be sensible.

but that’s the way it’s done with my sister’s friends. She’s done it for them so it’s her turn now. And so the cycle goes on…..

@Hatedhen as this is the way these friends do this, then I would ask them for the extra money and just say you forgot that the bride to be doesn't pay for it

I didn't even consider asking anyone to pay for me to go on my own hen do. I also organised it myself as I knew precisely what I'd wanted to do for years. We did go abroad (I kept it cheap) and I paid for the one friend who I knew wouldn't otherwise be able to come.

Surely she can stick up the cost of her own train. How completely precious of her

I paid for my own! I wouldn't pay for anyone else!

Can you not text the group and say something like - sorry just thought I think you all have a tradition of covering the brides travel from what my sister has told me, if you want to cover her train it will be £x more each, are you all happy to?

I would tell your sister you hadn't considered her travel costs in your calculations of the costs for the other attendees, and ask if she is happy to pay for herself.

For a hen you are better off booking through a website or agency as everything is already done as a package: accommodation, activity, travel, breakfast and dinner. The brides cost is already calculated into the package. I've never been to a hen where the bride has had to pay for anything. Sorry this doesn't help but if you have to plan another hen definitely do this!

Don’t do that. I would send a message saying you didn’t realise that they did it that way in the friendship group. Then either they pay for her or the bride can pay any shortfall. No way should you have to cover this. I think it’s really selfish to expect others to pay like this. They will already have costs relating to the wedding.

Don’t take the hit. If all her friends did it for her then they should pay. Do not use your own money if other people refuse.

I am so glad I am at an age where I hopefully will never be invited to one of these hen parties.

No, she needs to pay for her own travel. Why should the other guests have to pay? They’re already paying enough to attend and giving up their weekend. 🤔

@Hatedhen its OK OP. I once organised a baby shower and forgot to invite the mother to be!

What if OP can't afford it?
Why should she pay anyway? I didn't pay for my sister's travel for her hen do. I organised the activities, booked the restaurant and we all chipped in for her meal.
All the other stuff she paid for herself. Like an adult.

Why do people think they shouldn't pay for things?

As she's your sister, you are best placed to tell her not to be an ungrateful sod. I cannot stand this entitled hen culture that's developed. I absolutely would not ask the other hens. Tell your sister to sort her travel. Maybe her future husband would be happy to if not

What sort of money are we talking about here? If you feel too uncomfortable asking for contributions, could you just cover it yourself? She is your sister after all.

The bride should pay for herself.

Hen do’s and the organisation of and the sense of entitlement is insane!

The bride and her fella decided to get married, why does everyone have to pay for to attend her hen do?

I hate all this hen weekend shit. Give me a nice meal out and some drinks with pals and call it a day. And no I wouldn’t expect anyone to cover my costs as a bride. I’d be actively uncomfortable about it in fact if people were already having to shell out to go away.

My hens very kindly paid my accommodation but I paid for travel for the hen I travelled with, paid for drinks during the time for them and paid for pizza while we were getting ready to go out one night. No way would I have let them pay everything for me, and I hasten to add my hen was in 2016 so things weren't anywhere near as expensive as they are now!

Any time we were expected to cover a bride’s costs the organiser asked if we were ok with that upfront - but it was usually minor costs eg a dinner - not the whole weekend.

Your sister needs to pay for herself. It is totally unreasonable to expect her hens to pay for her.

Me neither, and my circle is not short of cash.

I’d expect to cover everything for the hen. It’s been the case for every hen do I’ve ever attended (and I’ve been to lots).

I would also expect the hen organiser to discuss and set expectations from the very beginning. For example, ‘I’m thinking a weekend away, somewhere under an hour’s flight, we cover bride’s flight and accommodation, pay for our own booze, kitty for everything else - any objections?’ Then people can feed back/object/make suggestions.

It sounds like you didn’t do that.