Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

Don’t ask the guests for yet more money. Tell your DS to sort out her transport.

Hi everyone,

First of all, thank you all so much again for being so lovely and accommodating with everything for brides hen weekend — I know it’s a big commitment of time and money, and I truly appreciate you all making the effort to come and celebrate her properly.

I’m really sorry to be sending another message about money, and I totally get that this might be frustrating, especially so close to the weekend. This is my first time organising a full weekend hen do, and I’ve only just learned that the organiser is usually expected to sort and cost in every aspect of the bride’s weekend — including her travel — and that the group typically covers it.

I completely missed this when planning, and it wasn’t something I’d factored into the budget (I assumed she’d be sorting her own train 🤦). My mistake, and I really do apologise for not catching it earlier.

Her train ticket is £XX and if you’re able to chip in, it would be around £X each. I completely understand that budgets are tight, and if anyone can’t stretch to it, I’ll find a way to make it work — just let me know privately.

Thank you again for bearing with me through this. It’s been a bit of a learning curve and I’ve tried really hard to keep everything fair and fun, but I know the drip-feed of extras hasn’t been ideal. Hopefully once we’re all there, prosecco in hand, none of this will matter and we can just enjoy making some great memories together.

Big thanks again,
Hatedhen

Sorry, I definitely wouldn't. I didn't expect my train fare to be covered for my hen. I really haven't been to any where we've costed up travel unless 1)We are all travelling togther and have hired a vehicle or 2)Flights only (no taxis ect) on top.

She’s your sister… Tell her she needs to cover her own charges.

I would just tell my sister, 'It's £75 for your train ticket, and you'll need to pay for it. Everyone else has covered loads and can't afford any more'.

If she throws a fit tell her she doesn't have to come if she's going to be a diva - you'll celebrate without her!

You were tasked with sorting out a hen do weekend when you’d just had a baby???

Is your sister usually so self-absorbed?

I’d never heard of this apparent tradition of covering the bride to be’s costs on her hen do, either, OP. I learned about it here on MN!

Don’t feel bad about it. As you say, you’ve got more important things to think about just now. And please don’t be leaving yourself out of pocket. If any of the other women moan when you let them know about the revised costs, then just ask if they’d like to take over the organisation.

I’m sure your sister wouldn’t want you to be so stressed about this. If it really got to be too much, I’d talk to her about it.

I think she's going to be the bride that everyone hates, rather than you be the bridesmaid that everyone hates. Of course princess can pay her own bloody travel.

I might chip in for the bridesmaid dinner and drinks, but not a train ticket 😂

This. I paid my own way on my hen weekend. Who expects a free holiday at their friends' expense? What does that sound like to you?

Also, you may have posted about this but it's particularly cheeky if the bride is relatively comfortable money wise and if others in the group are less well off. I would just buy my own train ticket because I'm not that entitled.

Yup! Niece is away right now in a luxury villa in Spain with friends & my sisters & all other nieces. I'm the only auntie not there. I went to the home hen 🙄. Costs for the wedding are significant too. It's all ridiculous.

Her insta is full of shots of her in various white, party dresses & a veil . 🙄🙄

Surely, surely people are reaching a tipping point in this hen do madness?! The sheer entitlement of covering someone else’s entirely unnecessary holiday just because they’ve chosen to get married?! Absolute madness! You go to the wedding, you buy a present, if invited in the hen do you go and have a few drinks and wish her well a few nights before? Unless you mix among the super wealthy, that is what is proportionate. I swear to god no- one even enjoys these mental hen dos! In this instance…get your sister to pay her own travel. I wouldn’t be asking for more at this stage! Sorry for being landed with this!

It doesn't "need" to. In some circles it might be expected but there's no rule and it's too late to pass it on or expect you to cover it so don't.

I think we need to normalise a nice meal out and stop these self-indulgent, self-obsessed hen weekends.

if you were asking the others for cash up front, why didn't you ask your sister at the same time as the others.
I don't understand why you only found out the weekend before.

Why aren't you answering any of the many questions about how much the travel is and who told you that you needed to sort it out?

Just explain you have not factored train fare in and cannot now add it on to others' costs. Suggest bride looks for cheap ticket, eg off peak or advance tickets. I mean she isn't likely to opt out of her own hen do over a train fare is she?

How much is a train ticket. Surely your sister will understand. Just tell her you overlooked this and don’t want to ask for more money. I’d understand if it was your sister.

Just don't. There's no expectation generally that the bride's travel should he paid for. Just telling your sister she's getting her own train ticket and that you didnt know she expected you to sort her out being paid for. If she's a dick about it then let her be a dick about it.

If you think it's ridiculous (it is) then don't buy into it.

Your sister is being a CF. Tell her you had no idea she expected her travel paid as well and if she expects her friends to cover it, she can ask them herself.

Tell you sister you haven't factored it in and she needs to pay for her own train fare. If it is her saying it should be paid for by the hens then just be honest.

Hi all, bride-to-be (or whoever is saying it) has just told me you normally pay for the brides train fare too as that's the way you usually do it between each other so that's an extra £20 each please. Sorry for late notice as I didn't know, any problems let me know and I'll pass it on xxx

This is not your problem, it is the ridiculous expectations from brides.

Bride should pay for herself. I’d be really unhappy being asked to cover this

Your sister can pay for her own train ticket, that’s ridiculous

If that’s what they do in their friendship group then fine but it’s absolutely not ok to ask them a week before you go.
if I had an expensive weekend booked, a last minute cost would piss me off if I was on a tight budget.

I know you haven’t organised something Iike this before OP but the drip drip of costs is really annoying. I want to know up front what it’s going to cost me in travel, accommodation and activities before I commit. Then I know all I have to budget for is food/drink and other spending money. I don’t mind chipping in for the bride.