Oh no, I’m going to be ‘that’ hen organiser everyone hates!

It sounds like you should have been more up front with the costs to avoid this happening. I've only been to a few hen dos, but each one I've been to the organiser has broken down the amounts so that everyone knows what they're paying for. This would have given one of her friends the opportunity to let you know that you hadn't factored in travel for the hen.

I do agree that the bride should be paying for their own travel, but if it's expected in her circle then you just need to go back and say 'sorry, I didn't account for this.' Hopefully it won't be a ridiculously high amount extra, if you're splitting it between everyone.

I really, really do not understand all this hype around Hen Do’s! What is wrong with going to a local restaurant followed by a few pub visits? ………..years ago, that was just about all that was expected from a Hen night! No long weekends abroad, no spa experiences, no hen for the bridal party, no hen for work colleagues, no hen for the older members of immediate family, FFS they’ll be having hen do’s for the family dog next!

Yes I’m organising a hen do and I asked the other hens if they wanted to do it - since it would be about £15 each - and everyone was happy to do so.

There's no law here. You can't ask for more money so she will have to pay her own.

I would tell your sister that it got left out and see what she says. If she is remotely a decent person she will just buy her own train ticket.

I'm amazed that your sister is expecting you to organise and help pay for her hen do when you have a tiny baby and an extra £75 would wipe out your funds for the month. I agree with PPs that I hate this entitled hen do culture.

Is she the one saying she can't pay? Did she organise your hen party in which you paid? I would just ask her to pay!

I love this..surely paying for her own train fare is a tiny amount out of the whole wedding budget anyway.

This..cmon the entire weekend is for her. Hen nights are so ridiculous.

Maybe she could cast around in her 'circle' and find some other mug to front up the cash for her?

Reckon that they've all refused, which is why she dumped it on you in the first place.

Just tell your sister she needs to pay for herself for her own hen do, at which she’s fortunate to have friends already shelling out to do it with her.

I was as a hen a year ago and our airbnb fell through 2 days beforehand. We had no
option but to all pay more, including the brides share. No one grumbled noone minded. Surely per person it wont really be that much? Just go back, apologies, ask for more and that is that. There are also apps you can download to split costs, they may be helpful

Lol. I would definitely be tempted by something like this too.

Have you totally messed up though, or is this just a cost that you had no idea about until now? If it’s the latter (which I had read it to be), don’t worry about it.

Some good suggestions on here about either asking your sister to pay as it’s been flagged so late on, or explaining to the others that you’ve just been told about it and asking if they want to contribute to it. I’d avoid lengthy apologies (there’s one suggested above that I would definitely avoid) when you haven’t done anything wrong - it’s fine to give a brief ‘sorry’ for the general situation if you want to while making it clear that you’ve only just been made aware of this tradition.

If your sister is reasonable, she will understand that in choosing to ask you to organise, rather than a friend from the group, she took the risk of you not knowing stuff like this. Given that you had a newborn baby as well, any decent person would just be grateful to you for pulling it together.

I’d go with ‘I didn’t book train travel for my sister as I’d no idea she expected us to pay for everything for her. She’s now saying she won’t come if we don’t, so I suggest we all send her some lovely photos and enjoy the weekend. Bonus: this means we won’t have to do any silly willy stuff’

Nope, nope, nope. You organised it, you TELL her what is planned, including what she is paying for. And, for good measure, tell to stop being a selfish, entitled bridezilla.

Just ask your sister to cover it, the whole thing is barmy anyway.

And next time you plan a trip abroad write a list of all expenses first!

paid for my own flight and accommodation on my weekend hen. Friends got a lovely meal when we were there but otherwise we covered our own costs!

Someone needs to take a stand against these insane customs.

This.

Because these brides/bridal parties then expect Insta worthy ballon arch infested baby showers and gifts, as well as post birth gifts, naming day gifts and baby’s first fart gifts 😆

I've been to lots of weddings but only a couple of hen's due to work commitments. The hens I've been on had one of the bridesmaids/friend/cousin put on Facebook or sm group when and where the do was. Be that UK or abroad and then you just get yourself there. Some/all of female wedding party would commit but anyone else sorted themselves out.
Perhaps we might pay towards a meal for the bride but not her whole trip.

I'm sure in most circles you're right, but if in this friendship group the rest of the attendees usually cover the bride's costs, and this bride has stumped-up multiple times for the others on that basis, she might be a bit hurt at having to pay for herself when it's her own hen do.
OP, I think you just need to take a deep breath, add up everything extra that you didn't factor in yet, plus a small buffer that you can refund if not used, let the others know why, and apologise. Everyone makes mistakes - there's no need to grovel or anything. You didn't do this deliberately.

This entitlement is just bonkers. Just tell your sister she needs to fund her own train ticket and leave it at that.

God, fartly, that suggested message is awful: classic example of shit women need to do much less of and over apologising!

OP has nothing to apologise for. The problem is her sister, if she wants others to pay for her, and other guests wanting themselves and all the others to pay but didn’t say so.

I'd eyeroll my eyes to the back of my skull of I got that.

I suggest:
Hi [sister's name],
Just heard from [shit stirring friend's name] that you were expecting the hens to cover your train ticket to the hen as well as everything else. Had no idea as this isn't generally a thing and obviously it's too late to ask the others for more money on top of everything else they are paying for so you will need to cover your own travel. Look forward to seeing you there.