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Original poster

Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

240 replies

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 11:59

My DC is almost 4 and has made a new friend so we have arranged a few playdates. Its starting to annoy me as the mum is bringing the older sibling, and not letting me know beforehand. The whole point of playdates to me is for the kids to bond 1:1, not to mention her DC is very shy so the sibling dominates. AIBU to say the sibling shouldn't always tag along. None of the other parents do this on playdates.

OP posts:
Laiste · 06/07/2025 12:23

I think 'play dates' for 3 year olds are usually more because the mums are trying to get to know each other and the kids are just buggering about together for a bit.

Personally this is how it would be for me until they are 5/6 because i wouldn't be dropping a child off and leaving them until they are that age. And then only with a family i trust because i've known them for a while or are a friend of a friend or something.

For that reason i don't think it matters if the mum has bought along a sibling.

Once they get to play dates at 6/7/8/9 then no i wouldn't expect siblings to turn up but then i wouldn't be expecting the mum to come in either.

ThanksItHasPockets · 06/07/2025 12:23

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:14

But wouldn't you coordinate so the older one that can be dropped off also has a playdate with their friend?

Edited
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No. Playdates aren't primarily childcare and it's rare for them to coincide. You're being very unreasonable.

Moonnstars · 06/07/2025 12:22

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:19

This is the problem her younger one is very shy, even at the park they don't readily go off and play

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That may be nothing to do with their sibling though! Children have different personalities! I have one quieter child (who is actually the eldest) and the younger is much more confident and louder.

Your suggestion of finding the elder child a playdate is also difficult. Weekends many families are busy - seeing family, taking part in clubs, days out. To try and coordinate it to suit your playdate isn't going to always be practical. Also if the venues are in different directions that will also not work.

You have one child and to you they are your world, you do not understand having to split your time and manage two children with differing needs.

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:22

MotherWol · 06/07/2025 12:20

It can be tricky logistically to arrange play dates for both kids at the same time - drop child 1 at friends, then take child 2 to another location for their play date, then travel back to collect child 1 then child 2! TBH this is why I don’t tend to do many play dates - it’s just such a schlep. If it’s a casual park hang where I can bring both, fine, otherwise it only works on a weekend when DH isn’t working. Have you tried talking to her about it and offering the option to drop and run?

This is the issue so even at a park the older one will join, so the whole point of a 1:1 playdate is pointless

OP posts:
Greenbird88 · 06/07/2025 12:21

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:20

But surely if someone springs it on you last minute you can hardly say no?

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Of course you can if you’re not happy with it, which clearly you’re not.

MotherWol · 06/07/2025 12:20

It can be tricky logistically to arrange play dates for both kids at the same time - drop child 1 at friends, then take child 2 to another location for their play date, then travel back to collect child 1 then child 2! TBH this is why I don’t tend to do many play dates - it’s just such a schlep. If it’s a casual park hang where I can bring both, fine, otherwise it only works on a weekend when DH isn’t working. Have you tried talking to her about it and offering the option to drop and run?

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:20

Greenbird88 · 06/07/2025 12:19

This changes everything. You set a precedent by saying yes the first time and she’s taken that to mean you’re happy for the sibling to tag along in general. No way of correcting that assumption without offending really, so either accept it is what it is or don’t invite them anymore.

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But surely if someone springs it on you last minute you can hardly say no?

OP posts:
Poonu · 06/07/2025 12:20

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:13

I don't mind if she drops off tbh, but her DC is so shy, which I assume is because they have zero independence from their sibling

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You sound so judgemental, so what if her child is quiet. Stop inviting them

GuttedButResolute · 06/07/2025 12:19

Have you said anything to her? If you haven’t and it’s happening every time, she’s going to assume you’re fine with it I think. I would.

Greenbird88 · 06/07/2025 12:19

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:16

I think this is why it has annoyed me because the very first one, at the last minute she asked if she could bring the older one so I could hardly say no and now it's happened every other time

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This changes everything. You set a precedent by saying yes the first time and she’s taken that to mean you’re happy for the sibling to tag along in general. No way of correcting that assumption without offending really, so either accept it is what it is or don’t invite them anymore.

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:19

AlertCat · 06/07/2025 12:18

I would suggest, next time, that she drops Younger off and comes back for him an hour later, with the additional suggestion that if in an hour the two little ones are playing happily, he can stay longer. That way she isn’t expecting to stay and can go off with Elder and do something else for an hour.

This is the problem her younger one is very shy, even at the park they don't readily go off and play

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 06/07/2025 12:18

It doesn't sound like you are very understanding. As this is a new friend you may not be aware of their situation. Maybe partner works weekends or does shifts and is sleeping so she needs to occupy both children.
Are the playdates at your home?

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:18

TomatoSandwiches · 06/07/2025 12:17

Stop inviting them for playmates then and find someone else.

Yeah I think I will do this, no one else does this, everyone else seems to manage it

OP posts:
Seeline · 06/07/2025 12:18

By 7 it's hard to find playdates at the weekend.
They are taken up with sports and family commitments.
I don't think I ever did a playdate at the weekend with either of mine, unless it was a party. Playdates were after school.

AlertCat · 06/07/2025 12:18

I would suggest, next time, that she drops Younger off and comes back for him an hour later, with the additional suggestion that if in an hour the two little ones are playing happily, he can stay longer. That way she isn’t expecting to stay and can go off with Elder and do something else for an hour.

SkintSingleMumm · 06/07/2025 12:17

You only have one child i take it op?

Cutleryclaire · 06/07/2025 12:17

Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:13

I don't mind if she drops off tbh, but her DC is so shy, which I assume is because they have zero independence from their sibling

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That’s quite a stretch!

TomatoSandwiches · 06/07/2025 12:17

Stop inviting them for playmates then and find someone else.

FlowersandElephants · 06/07/2025 12:16

Unless it’s with my best friend I make it very clear that play dates are for the child and the parent isn’t staying

Sux2buthen · 06/07/2025 12:16

I can’t imagine being this tightly wound about a couple of kids.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/07/2025 12:16

How many playdates has it been? Tbh if you didn't say anything the first time why do you think she would suddenly change? She obviously assumed you didn't mind, she isn't a mind reader

Original poster
Isitreallysohard · 06/07/2025 12:16

samplesalequeen · 06/07/2025 12:14

I wouldn’t take my elder son to a play date for my younger son. Granted I have and husband and two grans who will watch older son.

if I did need to bring him I’d let the person know to give them the option of rescheduling or continuing.

I think this is why it has annoyed me because the very first one, at the last minute she asked if she could bring the older one so I could hardly say no and now it's happened every other time

OP posts:
Noshadowsinthedark · 06/07/2025 12:15

I gather from your post you only have one child OP and lack perspective.

This sounds like a first child attitude and should you ever have a second you might facepalm in remembrance.

If you want just the two of them together ask the Mum to just drop and go but don’t be rude about it.

I wouldn’t be able to just ‘do something’ with one of my kids. We can’t just leave them with a passerby on the street you know.

MajaTime · 06/07/2025 12:15

Does the partner work weekends? Mine does, so I'd have nowhere to keep DD1 if DD2 went to a playdate. No relatives etc and I'd surely not get a babysitter so DD2 can have a playdate without her sibling haha.

samplesalequeen · 06/07/2025 12:14

I wouldn’t take my elder son to a play date for my younger son. Granted I have and husband and two grans who will watch older son.

if I did need to bring him I’d let the person know to give them the option of rescheduling or continuing.

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